CT SCAN FEB 22, 2022 NOTES PREVIOUS BLADDER TUMOR

I was punished for complaining about this.  Steady and regular increases in my CA125 during 2021 noted but no additional scans were ordered.  I was having bladder pain.  No UTIs.  So here I am today again not being heard. My depression is over the top.  It's my record.  I recently was criticized for needing too much control.  Well I need control over scheduling so that I can work.  I have intense fear of medical mistakes...and there is just reason.  My psychologist was recently on Fox31 because the oncology team has launched a virtual psychotherapy service to help patients cope with cancer. What I would give if my only challenge was cancer.  My challenge is not just cancer.  It's doctors making mistakes and ignoring my input.

• CT 020122 reports tumor has GROWth W CONTRAST

• PRIOR STUDY 021521

About this test

Details

Addendum

Signed by Clark, Toshimasa James, MD on 2/22/2022 4:41 PM

ADDENDUM:

 

On the MR 21 days later a right pelvic sidewall node is evident (in addition to the nodule abutting the bladder). In retrospect on this CT from 2/1/22 there is an isoattenuating nodule along the right external iliac vessels in this location, 23 x 13 mm (7/151) and new since 2021. 

 

Report E-Signed By: TOSHIMASA CLARK, MD at 2/22/2022 4:41 PM

WSN:PACSREM73182

Signed by Clark, Toshimasa James, MD on 2/8/2022 3:23 PM

ADDENDUM:

 

Ms. Archuleta requests an addendum for a paraaortic node measurement as one was measured before. Representative left paraaortic node near a clip causing streak artifact is about 8 mm short axis (7/119) from 7 mm before. It may be slightly larger but is still not frankly enlarged, and again this region has artifact.

 

Report E-Signed By: TOSHIMASA CLARK, MD at 2/8/2022 3:23 PM

WSN:PACSREM73182

Study Result

Impression

IMPRESSION:

20 mm apparent nodule atop bladder dome, suspicious for a tumor deposit in this setting. Cystoscopy with EUS may be useful in this setting.

CONTACT INFORMATION:

________________________________________________
This exam was interpreted by a University of Colorado School of Medicine radiology physician. If there are any questions regarding this report or other radiology questions, please feel free to contact a radiologist directly at 720-848-RADS (7237) or if in the UCH hospital or clinics at 8-RADS.

Report E-Signed By: TOSHIMASA CLARK, MD at 2/1/2022 2:42 PM
WSN:PACSREM73182

Narrative

EXAMINATION: CT OF THE CHEST, ABDOMEN, AND PELVIS WITH IV CONTRAST

DATE: 02/01/2022, 1122.

INDICATION: eval for disease, increased ca 125

Was there a contrast reaction? No
Was there a contrast or saline extravasation? No.

TECHNIQUE: Transaxial images of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis were obtained from the apex of the lungs to the ischial tuberosity according to according to routine chest, abdomen, and pelvis protocol.

CONTRAST: Isovue 370, 100 mL.
IMMEDIATE ADVERSE EVENT: None

COMPARISON: 2/15/21

FINDINGS:

CHEST:

Right sided implanted port, tip at cavoatrial junction.

Thyroid: No thyroid lesions.

Thoracic inlet: No adenopathy.

Mediastinum and hila: There is no significant mediastinal or hilar lymphadenopathy.

Heart and great vessels: The heart is normal in size. There are no significant coronary artery calcifications. No pericardial effusion. Great vessels are normal.

Lungs, airway, and pleura: No significant pulmonary nodule or infiltrate is noted.

No pleural effusion.

Breasts and axilla: Bilateral mastectomies. No adenopathy. Stable low attenuation presumed fat necrosis in medial right breast resection bed (7/27).

ABDOMEN AND PELVIS:

Liver: Likely fatty liver, top normal size, but with no detectable focal lesion on this exam.

Patent portal veins.

Bile ducts: Mild common bile duct dilation is presumed due to post-cholecystectomy state given normal bilirubin.

Gallbladder: Surgically absent.

Pancreas: Normal.

Spleen: No splenomegaly

Adrenals: Normal adrenal glands.

Kidneys, ureters, urinary bladder: Kidneys and ureters appear normal. No hydronephrosis.

Urinary bladder is thin walled and distended. 20 x 16 mm nodule atop bladder (7/174) might be a loop of small bowel, but on the prior study oral contrast was given and this didn't enhance (5/172). It was 12 x 12 mm at that time.

Reproductive organs: Uterus is surgically absent. No adnexal masses.

Gastrointestinal tract: Appendix not identified. No pericecal inflammation. No obstruction.

Mesentery: Normal.

Peritoneum: No free air. No free fluid.

Retroperitoneum: No significant lymphadenopathy in the abdomen and pelvis. Stable top normal periportal nodes, nonspecific (e.g. 7/94).

Vasculature: Aorta and IVC appear normal. Retroperitoneal surgical clips noted adjacent to vasculature.

Bones and soft tissue: There is mild degenerative change of the spine.

Images

Component Results

There is no component information for this result.

General Information

Ordered by Kian Behbakht, MD

Collected on 02/01/2022 2:08 PM

Resulted on 02/22/2022 4:41 PM

Result Status: Edited Result - FINAL

This test result has been released by an automatic process.

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Not Heard Again Counts Too Low For Gemzar Today

​I literally have no voice.  The pharmacist had agreed to lower my Gemzar, but they actually didn’t. Somehow I am supposed to be calculating doses “per meter squared” which is why somehow it is my wrror?!!! No! I clearly stated I wanted less than what the oncologist was intending … 25% of standard dose was my original request.  

She talked me into “650”.  I was given “750”.   

My intention was, because I needed a platelet transfusion in the past, to start LOW and work my way up. Sounds reasonable to me. 

I had my Gemzar last Tuesday, I was sick over the weekend but fended off ongoing fevers with Tylenol.  I literally cannot have the “plan” to be ER visits every week. I was avoiding the ER for many reasons but would have gone in if the Tylenol didn’t help.  It is Extremely difficult to isolate the differences between sickness from neutropenia versus side effects of Gemzar.  

My oncologist was patient and counselled me in a more specific way so that I make the righr choices but I literally am not going to agree to live in the ER.  We can do better and I thought that my request to lower my Gemzar even further was a safe alternative.  Appearently my opinion and voice are muted. I am extremely depressed.  

I think people in the oncology field assume patients expect ER visits. They don’t want to think about how to better plan avoiding ER visits, especially for patients like me. I am SINGLE!  I HAVE TO WORK! It is NOT MY FAULT that I have had such crappy medical care!

I have a few good friends but literally no family who can be with me during this time for regular ER visits. 

Why is my voice not heard? 

My burden for just having a place to live is overwhelming me. My rent was raised by $111.00 per month. If I have no apartment I have nowhere to live. Can you imagine me couch surfing or living in my car or transitional housing during chemo?

Does the medical community want me to die?  I love my NEW oncologist.  I really do.  I love the care team, but why??????? How many more little mistakes though? My bone marrow order said I have lung cancer.  I was restaged to grade IVB without Any conversation.  I hate the medical system.  I guarantee you if I were married or had money this would not be happening.  

I don’t want to do hospice in a nursing home, when it comes to that.  In order to reveive HOME hospice I need a HOME.  Can you imagine me finding a “roommate” at this point?  

No Gemzar today, onviously, because all my coumts are low. I have antibiotics now if fever returns.  My previous gynonc should be paying my rent.  He’s the one that let my cancer spread for a year.  My CA125 steadily rose every month for a year and there was a scan showing tumor growth. Then he punished me for complaining about that. I am going to publish my records.  An attorney may not value my life, but at this point I have no choice.  Letting recurrences go untreated while receiving REGULAR gynonc appointments is completely unacceptable.  I need to not have to work right now.

Why aren’t doctors asked to atone for their sins.

I am starting to think that there is literally a demon attacking me.  Nobody listens to me.

I wanted a lower dose of Gemzar last week, was told it was lower, but it wasn’t.  My request was clear, whether I calculated based on body weight or not.I am not a pharmacist, how would I know the difference?  

Very depressed, not feeling like Servivorgirl. 

Over The Years With My Baby Girl

​

Trying Gemzar

​Hello friends,

Peace. It’s been a nerve-wracking two weeks. My oncologist will allow me to try Gemzar at a reduced dose. I’ll be receiving bevacizumab during some of the treatment cycles. I pray I get through just one and see a big drop in my CA125.

I’m disappointed that my voice regarding PARP inhibitors was ignored.  My bone marrow is very weak, but praise God there is no sign of MDS or chemo-induced leukemia. If they would have listened and tried Gemzar last February I would have had a stronger bone marrow. If they wouldn’t have MISSED my recurrence we could have attacked my recurrence in 2021. Getting unstuck from the traumas has been hard, but progress is being made.....just in small doses. I need to keep my eyes on God (this last sentence added after confession Sunday before Mass.)

I had a melt-down yesterday because I’m already overwhelmed with too many appointments, a surprise appointment yesterday and realizing I can’t work and do these treatments.  I don’t know how this will work.

I’m receiving EMDR treatments, just getting started. Yesterday I was receiving EMDR while processing the trauma of my mom’s death in 2013.  There was not only trauma from her sudden loss but of course family stuff. It’s common, I think, for families to have differences when a central figure dies. All these things together are overwhelming. I wish healthcare providers better understood PTSD. The entire healthcare system is in a state of trauma.  It’s very sad.  

There are rays of sunshine that peak through the clouds but it’s not looking good right now.

The elephant in the room is my life and I’m trying to sustain myself as I attempt Gemzar.  The only other time I received Gemzar I ended up very sick in the hospital, and required a platelet transfusion.

I will be so happy if it works. But if I end up in the hospital without a significant drop in my CA125 we may need to stop. I don’t know.

I start Gemzar next week.  

Peace,

Denise

Restaged

I saw it in writing, I’m officially downgraded to stage IVB. Sigh. I had a bone marrow biopsy last week and will know more about the results next week. I have hopes to receive some treatments, such as a micro-dose of Gemzar.  My bone marrow is really weak. I trust God and my oncologist, 🙏🏻. 

It is a relief that we are in Easter season.  I must remain focused on Him as much as possible.  I have things I want to do still. 

I feel like the little girl who ran away from home for an afternoon, I just don’t want to be here, I want to be in nature. I miss my loved ones. It’s in God’s hands but I still pray.  

Dear Lord please use my suffering for your good works and divine will. I am sharing a copy of an intercessory prayer to St. Peregrine. Please pray this for anyone with cancer or a serious illness. 

O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty," "The Wonder-Worker," because of the numerous miracles which you have obtained from God for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fibre of our being, and who had recourse to the source of all grace when the power of man could do no more. You were favoured with the vision of Jesus coming down from His Cross to heal your affliction. Ask of God and Our Lady, the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you. 

(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)

Aided in this way by your powerful intercession, we shall sing to God, now and for all eternity, a song of gratitude for His great goodness and mercy.

Amen.

Happy Easter

​He is Risen!  

Happy Easter

How Great Thou Art

Lynparza Too Toxic… Sigh

​

Darny warny woo.  Lynparza too toxic, on hold again.  I see my new oncologist next week. I’m praying we can try to zap my ovarian cancer back with a reduced dose of gemzar. I had gemzar just one time a few years ago but ended up in hospital needing a platelet transfusion.  

Bad memories arise.  Missing a year of treatment because of bad medical surveilance drags on me.  Please pray that I stay focused on my salvation.  I cannot turn back the clock. God’s will is always in charge.  

If it is His will that there are no further options I want to spend some time in an RV seeing the sights.  I want to focus on God, prayer and those whom I love. I desire to serve, help my dad and those I can.  

I dislike pain though, a lot. 😣  Ok, well God is good always. This is another one I love, my friend’s sweetie… Zelda! 

Love, Denise

Lynparza On Hold Again, Sigh

​Hello friends.  My lynparza is on hold again, as of March 7th, because of a low ANC (.3).  Not doing any gsf as of now and will get labs drawn next Tuesday.  Pain still there, my little cross.

I went to confession last night and felt great Joy.  It’s lent, my favorite liturgical season. Today, in contrast, I experienced a few struggles with my environment and work.  Sometimes I just need to be away from people, not a good reflection of my spiritual state, but I have confidence that much of my struggle rests in neurological triggers not yet subdued. 

Whether it’s a noxious smell, rushing or fears of job loss, there is a need for me to complete the upcoming EMDR treatments.  I really want to be alone when I have anxiety (others would pry like me to do that as well… ha). I am praying the EMDR treatments will improve my quality of life.  I have so much to be gateful for and need to remember our struggles can bring grace.

The current inability to stabilize my cancer brings back bad memories of when the radiologist missed the increased cancer activity on my CT scan (Jan 2021).  There is still some “what if” questioning that appears out of nowhere. The only way I can have peace with those medical mishaps is through Christ, but to achieve THAT I need quiet time. I long for a silent retreat. 

Lots of ups and downs.  Thank you for listening to my rambles.  It helps to write it out.  We can’t control what is tossed in our direction.  We can make good choices but sometimes we’re simply overwhelmed.  We react instead of choose.

God is an all loving God who forgives in abundance.  People…. not so much.  Ha.  The lenten lesson that resonates with me this week is “only see Jesus”.  It was hard to do that today. Tomorrow is new. God Bless you.

Thanks, love Denise ❤️

Lynparza Ups And Downs

​Good morning. Feeling unsure but placing all of this in God’s hands. We are in Lent and my inner joy is growing! I’ve been coping with ovarian cancer for over a decade and am very blessed to have been granted this time. I am needed right now by someone and am grateful to God that I can be helpful. Financial stress is huge right now but it’s not eliminating my joy. I still have an apartment, so I’m happy. 

I had to take a break from Lynparza due to neutropenia and anemia. My CA125 creeped up a little and I have more pain. I’m now on a modified dosing schedule and pray I can maintain myself with that. I love my new oncologist.

My prior adverse reaction to a bone marrow stimulant has made me very leary of it’s use but appearantly you can have doses of it when prescribed oral treatments, you just need to hold oral meds on the day of the injection. So intervention with gsf is reserved for emergency only as it caused my RA to flare badly, I don’t know why. Sigh. 

Missing my Marilyn so much! Home feels empty without her.  Thank you for listening.  

Love,

Denise

​

Missing My Marilyn

​I cry when I come home, missing my Marilyn.  Thank you Lord for the precious moments offered from you to me and my kitty. Let us also pray for the soul of Tyre Nichols and for his grieving family. Our pets have childlike hearts, if only our hearts stayed sweet. Love and God Bless you.

RIP My Marilyn Girl

​My only reason for wanting to stay on earth has passed away.  My cat precious Marilyn, sweet Marilyn Monrovia, was laid to rest on December 26, 2022. Please say prayers for her sweet feline soul.  She had kidney disease and was ready to go.  💔💔💔  She is no longer suffering. 

Marilyn, who will forever be part of my eternity, had been with me since 2012, after adopting her at age 5.  We were meant to be together.  I loved her deeply, she listened to me and comforted me throughout my cancer battles and personal struggles. Jesus sent us to each other. I adored her, loved caring for her, holding her, playing with her and simply admiring one of God’s most loving and beautiful creatures.  She never abandoned me.  

I hear the silence, it’s unbearable. Her purrs are gone.  Her kisses are gone.  Her heartbeat is gone. The warmth of her little body napping on my lap is gone. The little games she liked to play at night when it was time to sleep are no more. I’ll never see her waiting on the window sill for me to come home. When I open the door there is no sweet wonder at my feet. No more toys and chasing games in the apartment. No more loving watching her watch the birdies. No more playing with her on the balcony. No more seeing her happy when she ate her favorite treats. No more watching her watch big cats on tv. I feel empty inside. There is no life in my apartment now.

What IS forever are the precious memories in my heart and treasured photos and videos of her, as one of God’s unique creations. His precious Marilyn was given to me and I was honored to love her all these years. I will always love you Miss Marilyn ❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔 Say hi to God for me. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

​

Our Lady Of Guadalupe, Pray For Us

​

Happy Thanksgiving

​

The Dark Day Is Light Again

​Praises to Jesus for my priest.  Reminded this evening that life is not resting here but in The Kingdom of Heaven. Our Holy Saints are closest to Him and by my remaining in prayer for their intercession, the pains of this world will dissolve.

Life here is fleeting, for my life and your life is intended to exist in Heaven, eternally. It will only be through a more focused life of prayer that I can remain in this state of peace. That is my desire. 

All Glory and Honor to the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit.  

Amen

The PeaCock

​The Peacock is loved by his colleagues but despises patients who question him.  Especially those who do so in front of others.  I had a Peacock, he may very well have killed me.

Feeling dark today.  His mistake let my cancer grow for a year without treatment.  His colleagues don't care.

Brain Fog

​https://apple.news/AM-TIpo6eQEmwVq20cGuZPg

I've tried to type and save this 3 times. Ha. I'm back on Taxol, my chemo brain is in full swing.  Covid research is helping cancer patients with chemo brain to be better understood.

God Bless you!

Denise

Bone Scan and #11

​Praise God, the bone scan is clear.  This pelvic pain is not as worrisome now.  Great news. I go to my part-time job in a few hours, have treatment tomorrow and have planned a day trip to the Royal Gorge on Sunday with my friend Pat.

A little story about Arnie. I was in southwest Colorado this time last year.  My sister called me to tell me of his passing and it was of course devastating news. I was told there was no immediate service planned so we stayed on the trip. 

The next morning my friend Patrick and I took the Durango-Silverton Railway tour. My assigned seat was #11, Arnie's favorite number.  It took my breath away to sit down and see the #11. I sobbed and thought that maybe he was telling me hi from up in the heavens.  ✝️❤️✝️ Thinking of his children. 😞  This is a really special photo. 

After Prayer

​I have been keeping busy.  I went to a movie (Tom Cruise) with friends Monday evening. Tuesday was a long day at the hospital for my bone scan.  I felt better emotionally, in spite of my nerves.  Forgiveness is a process.

I feel like I live in an asteroid field right now.  My new oncologist needs a baseline and I do not want to have to think about more mets.  I can't avoid it though.  Monday was not a good day mentally or emotionally but I am coming around.  I am tired of cancer mets, this whole issue is an asteroid field.  I want to travel and do good things. 

The only thing I can do is pray for Jesus to use my suffering for His will. It takes a LOT of work for me to get in this space.

After my bone scan yesterday I went to adoration, prayed the Rosary and confession. That was followed with Mass.  I cried of course because of my brother and prayed to not be in this asteroid field any longer.  I prayed for my enemies. I just want to have a joyful heart no matter what.

Later today I find out the scan results. I will write that all out tonight or tomorrow.  Every time I talk about cancer I get upset.  Every time I talk about my previous gynonc and his social worker I get upset.  It doesn't mean forgiveness is lacking but I live in an asteroid field and that could have been prevented.  

Peace

Missing My Brother and Dread

​Today it was suggested that I write out my feelings.  This is an unexpectedly stressful and sorrowful week.  I wish I could run away, childish feelings but it is the truth.  I don't want to be in my skin. I miss my brother.

The anniversary of my brother's death from cancer last year is fast approaching and I never got to say goodbye. I had no idea about the details of his death and It really hurts that he is gone. I miss you and love you Arnie.  I don't know why you were sent home to God and that I remain. God is in charge and I wish I could have changed that.  ✝️✝️✝️

I have a bone scan tomorrow because my right hip and other areas of my pelvis (symphysis) hurt.  New oncologist being thorough and cautious, for which I am grateful.

The scan brings up a lot of fear and negative emotion, really negative, but I will try to just stay busy until my next appointment. I can't really shake this because I'm angry about Feb 2021 medical error, but I will try.  I know God is there but I feel raw today.  

My new oncologist is trying hard to catch up but I feel dread.  I always ask God for help.  I'm seeking EMDR treatment to deal with medical errors from the past because THOSE memories and feelings are also hurting me. I feel trapped in them.... and it takes up space I need for other things.  I want to run away.  

Praying I have good news on Wed evening.  I miss my brother. I miss Arnie ❤️  

Update: Feeling Reassured !!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

​Update:  Thank you all so much for your prayers!  They really helped. 

I had a really good appt with my new oncologist and I am so pleased.  They did apologize for mishap.  I will get increasd in Taxol but we will keep it to what I can handle.   I am so relieved that my new team is supportive.  Thank you again... ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Wrong Diagnosis On CT Order And Radiology Report

​Bladder Dome Tumor increasing in size.  Wrong DIAGNOSIS on CT order for today.  WRONG diagnosis on radiology report.  What I had to go through to get a corrective addendum is completely unacceptable!!!! 

I have a new medical oncologist and mistakes are already happening.  I am going to go insane or dive into a severe depression.  I can't take any more medical errors!!!!!!!!!!! I missed an entire year of potential treatment to knock back my ovarian cancer mets, when it had not spread as much, because the radiologist did not write down all the correct information Feb of 2021! Now I have no idea what will work.

My psychologist is trying to find me a counselor who does EMDR therapy for PTSD.  I contacted one last week, no reply.

My new oncologist told me (re: incomplete radiology reports) at my first visit with him  'it happens all the time'.  I said that was wrong and there was no response. 

Today I did my part to be on time and be still for the CT scan and ONCE again there was an error.  I do not trust the scan report because the radiologist was looking for breast cancer, which I don't have (praise God).  I asked for a new radiology read with a different radiologist and I was given a phone number to call.  

I see my new oncologist Friday and am scheduled for Taxol. He needs time to get to know my case but the wrong diagnosis on an order is absolutely not acceptable under any circumstances  What the heck is going on where I get cancer care?  

The 'wrong diagnosis' could have been written incorrectly by an assistant but how did that significant mistake go unnoticed by layers of professionals???? The radiologist was comparing today's scan to on in Feb 2022 and NOWHERE on that report or anywhere on my chart does it say I have breast cancer.  I have ovarian cancer.

If I want any credible care I would have to move! I can't drive back and forth to Loveland (if I were to go to MD Anderson) from Englewood, it's too long. I am too tired to make that drive for each treatment, let alone other unexpected visits. 

I cannot tolerate PARP inhibitors because they cause me serious bad side effects. Zejula was a terrible drug for me. I never should have agreed to try it. 

I have no idea how fast cancer is growing because my previous team screwed up so badly, then punished me for getting angry about their mistake. I want more time for Taxol or try Gemzar again. 

How am I supposed to feel?  Am I going to get punished for being upset today?  I ask anyone to be neutral about having the wrong diagnosis on the CT order and radiology report and that is tooooooooo much to ask of anyone. I need lots of prayers and can I please please please receive proper medical care?

I think my previous team should pay my bills and pay relocation costs to get better care at a reputable cancer center and pay my living expenses!  What did I do to them to receive such bad care?

This blog is all I have. They are killing me.

God Is In Charge of this man's reputation.

​I read today a shocking note written by my amazing palliative care nurse.  She has been a beacon of hope amidst the nightmare that my gynecology oncologist of 6 years was willing to let me go and let me die.  He activated a legal loophole/behavior agreement after I complained about the radiology error which has ALLOWED my cancer to spread untreated.  A social worker refused to help me relax prior to that appointment becauae I was legitimately upset about the lethal medical reporting error.  In other words only a living saint would not have been upset.

Jesus was abandoned by those he loved and I am keeping my heart with Jesus as best as I can humanly do, given that my gymonc was willing to abandon me while my cancer was advancing.

The palliative care nurse wrote (see photo) she would not be surprised if I died a year from March. Maybe her answer would have been that she would be surprised by my death within a year, had it not been for this collasal medical reporting mistake. My doctor must have been terrified that I was going to sue him so he was willing to let me die. One day you will see a photo of this insanity.  I will black out his name.

God will handle this doctor's reputation.  I ask for your prayers that I continue to ask Jesus to speak for me. I am begging for the bitterness to disappear, it is going to take time. I will be in confessions and adoration often because this abuse is so RAW.  I need lots of prayers because sometimes I have wanted for God to just take me.

Why did my doctor hurt me?

I have PTSD from the river of medical abuses.  I will voice my records with grace because I will not be silenced either. 

Behavior agreements are too often used in a morally corrupt and criminal manner.

Please pray for all doctors who hurt their patients out of FEAR of being sued! 

This You Shall Know

​This is the weekend we honor the women who give birth, adopt, mother us and love us. We are forever connected to them, eternally bonded. I was hoping to get to Kansas and visit my mom's grave site. I deeply miss her, why? Because of her love. She knew me, not as much as Jesus knows me, but she knew my heart. I miss you mom, love you and know the day that God brings me home is the day I see you again! ❤️

This is also an historical moment for enwombed children to be lifted in joy, not burden. We as a society must do all we can to love mothers and enable them to nurture the child within. All human life deserves dignity at all stages of life, birth and death. Let's do more for Love, not hate.

I wrote a poem about a child, their life, their death and the great gift of God's eternal Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness. May this inspire you to think more deeply about these tender members of the human race who have a purpose yet to be seen but given by Love and God himself. Love and Bless you!

Medical Error Patient Health Restoration and Protection Act by Denise Archuleta

 Medical Error Patient Health Restoration and Protection Act

I want to start this post saying that I AM grateful for all of the good care that I have received over the years.  Positive outcomes outweigh bad outcomes, BUT, permanent damage has happened to my body, mind and spirit as a result of medical injury.  This cannot be ignored.  A nurse is on trial for killing a patient because she was distracted, and gave the wrong medication.  A nurse running to her side defended her saying that mistakes happen "every day" and that nobody would be a nurse if they weren't allowed to make mistakes. I don't agree at all with her attitude or her statement.

Would you buy a car from a factory where the workers said they make mistakes every day and that they are "ok" with it? NO!  I can choose to buy a different car but I cannot choose to receive an alternative healthcare delivery method, I can't. 

Medical errors have been swept under the rug for decades upon decades.  A time of reckoning is upon this vital human service industry.  Medical errors are like a cancer festering amongst the students, providers, patients and executives within the healthcare system.  There is NO current patient pathway for restoration and NO pathway for restitution and correction for providers committing medical mistakes.

Medical mistakes or errors ARE an abuse against a patient when they continue to happen without any effort to remedy and avert the problem.  People die or become permanently injured as a result.  In order to fix a problem one must first acknowledge and APOLOGIZE. The ultimate goal of this ACT is not just patient and provider healing, but forgiveness.  

 https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/study_suggests_medical_errors_now_third_leading_cause_of_death_in_the_us

I have felt like the poster child of medical errors since 2008.  I have almost died several times and to this day regularly battle mistakes in health care delivery.  This has tried my forgiving heart on an unbelievable level and my body is permanently damaged as a result of these errors. I have forgiven, but it takes a toll on me and everyone involved.  I speak out and I say that I was injured, and nobody likes it.

The Healthcare Industry and teaching models need to change their attitude about patient care mistakes. Of course it's true that some  mistakes (errors in the sensory system/perception of the problem at hand) will always be present because we are humans.  What is NOT ok are errors in judgement or willful disregard for protocols designed to protect patients from injury.  The system needs to change so that providers are Not Distracted. t

The healthcare providers are the only people who know what they need to stop this madness from continuing to happen. Not board members, not executives, not money managers and profit margin hawks, not the professors...but the workers.  They need to be empowered to do a good, not good, but excellent job!  People have been killed or permanently damaged because of this cancerous sore that has festered and grown to a point it may actually kill the healthcare delivery system we know today. Today is the day for change, not tomorrow!

Healthcare workers need to stand UP FOR their patients!!!!!!!!  Patients are not the enemy! Workers need to stand UP to the SYSTEM that creates this toxic patient healthcare delivery environment and fight for what the patients need! They need to "be the change" because when their colleagues make mistakes, especially those that cause permanent damage or sadly kill, they are also effected.  Everyone is touched by these errors.  When patients are placed first everyone wins!

God's Grace has kept me alive and this is my time to speak up on behalf of all patients who are abused within the medical community.  It's time to stop sweeping medical errors under the rug!  Starting today each and every health care worker can make a choice to double check their assignments.  They can do that.  It starts with them.  I have suffered so much spiritual, physical and emotional pain from medical injuries that I dare say I can bear no more!  This is my time to speak out!

May God grant mercy upon those workers who are struggling to provide care to their patients and may He console and heal the bodies, minds and soul of the victims.  

Essentials of Medical Error Patient Health Restoration and Protection Act (MEPHRPA) by Denise Archuleta:

1. Acknowledge the error has occurred.  Acknowledging the error is essential for without this step, there is no healing.
2. Apologize for the error.  
3. Thoroughly investigate all tasks and steps leading up to the execution of the error. 
4. Fix the problem:  Policies, Procedures, Training, Change quotas, increase staff to patient ratio, anonymous treatment/diagnostic service delivery, etc.. Treat this seriously!  When one provider errors all providers suffer!  Patients suffer the ultimate price.
5. Acknowledge that providers committing errors could potentially be seen as an "abuser" by the patient, do not overlook this and address this with a sincere remedy to help the victim.
6. Provide free medical, psychological, rehabilitative, medicinal, alternative, spiritual and vocational services to the victim in effort to restore patient to pre-injury status.
7. Do not under any circumstances force patient to be treated by the abusing provider again. That provider needs to heal, but let them accomplish that in another way.
8. All medical record documentation, including provider to provider notes are copied and issued to the patient.
9. Patient agrees not to initiate lawsuit (unless a crime is suspected).
10. Psychological intervention and spiritual intervention are essential to mitigate emotional and spiritual damage from the abusive act (medical error) so they can restore personal well-being and find forgiveness in their hearts.
11. Under no circumstances is a patient to be secondarily mistreated, retaliated against, avoided, abandoned, cancelled, shunned, gossiped about or be subjected to any unprofessional medical care or service as a result of being already victimized and abused by a medical or health care provider. The patient is not the enemy.
12. For tragic errors resulting in death or permanent partial or total disability, Congress will allocate a MEPHRPA FUND to to grant victims and loved ones some reparation for their grievous losses. 
13. This FUND will be supported by medical providers, medical provider networks, insurance providers, pharmaceutical companies and the AMA membership dues.
14. Health providers committing medical errors are free from prosecution and MUST be offered a safe haven to disclose and remedy their errors. 
15. Healthcare workers must be protected from peer scorn and internal persecution as they embark upon the path to their occupational and personal recovery.
16. Medical Error Recovery Centers need to be established to treat patients and healthcare workers where substantial damage has occurred.
17. "Medical Error Victim" needs to be a recognized as a bonafide medical and psychological diagnosis. It needs to be treated just like any other form of abuse and recognized as such.

Healthcare workers should not be afraid of patient injury reform but instead welcome it!  This needs to happen!

In gratitude!

Denise Archuleta

aka Servivorgirl

Cystoscopy Tomorrow

​Hello Friends,

First off God granted me a most undeserved assurance I could be able tolerate Taxol.  I just learned that I accidentally ingested peanuts last Thursday.  I can't wait to message my doctor.  So it's possible I was not super-sick last week from Taxol. I am relieved because my options are few.

I am allergic to peanuts and it incapacitates me for 24 hours or more. You can only imagine all the GI issues, headaches dehydration and shortness of breath.  My stomach is still very sensitive.  

My ANC is also .5, almost at "I need wear a hazmat suit time", super low. I am allergic to neulasta, so it's actually a red alert issue.

Tonight God lead me to take another look at the ingredients of the granola bar I ate last week. I'm half blind and did not see that the almond bar also contains peanuts. 

We had to hold off on Taxol this past Friday because my neutrophils are too low.

I am scheduled for toddler Taxol this coming Friday. I need my ANC to go up. 

I have this silver-dollar size tumor on/in bladder dome.  My cystoscopy is scheduled for this coming Tuesday.  All I can say is I pray it doesn't hurt.  I don't want to have to go through a radical surgery. 

I'm a water baby, I need my water activities like I need  air sometimes. My water time is prayer and reflection time; my persoal sanctuary. Literally. Radical surgeries would pry render me unable to be in my little sanctuary.

I was grateful to speak with my palliative care nurse last week.  She has empathy and is my navigator to help with navigating my cross.

May dear Jesus use my suffering for His Glorious Will. Thank you Lord for tonights ray of Hope and Love. God help those in Ukraine.

Until again,

Servivorgirl

Toddler Size Taxol All Around

​Hello friends,

Such a sleepy night but I wanted to tell you I love you.  I am back on Taxol, but the doses are smaller and administered weekly.  My infusion nurse calls them toddler doses.  I will also remain on Avastin. 

The reason for toddler taxol is because I'm allergic to neulasta.  The lower dosage on a frequent basis is less likely to tank my neutrophils. Well, it's not in my hands but in the way I have been grilling people, you'd think it was. I'm a mess, I was blindsided by the bladder tumor. 

A radiology report from a year ago didn't mention an important abnormality and now I probably have cancer on or in my bladder.  My "ptsd" is in full swing, feeling like I'm back in 2008 all over again. Thanking Jesus for my gynonc. 

Well I am super sleepy.  I want to start sharing my journey again.  It feels less hopeful only because my body is beaten up from years of medication.  My heart is not beaten up and I still have a few vacations to take, if I can get someone to take me.   Ha.

Love and more to come.  God Bless you. 🌸❤️🌸🙏🏻🌸❤️🙏🏻

A Brand New Day

Today was a great day!  I had the pleasure of speaking with a health professional to discuss my anxiety.  I learned another coping skill and feel more empowered to cut off an episode at the pass.  

I had not been able to sleep several nights this past week, haunted by things at the hospital. I recognize that certain things are triggers that can draw me down into a rabbit hole and in spite of my love for Jesus and prayer, I am vulnerable to succumbing to those triggers.

I felt so welcome today, everyone was just so nice. I thanked the Lord over and over for His grace today. I thanked the Lord for all the people who helped me today and that someone listened. God Bless them.

Psychological care is a vital component of our overall healthcare plan as people with cancer, cancer survivors and for caregivers. I know I will always need psychological support. 

If you feel like you need mental health care, please talk with your doctor or nurse. God Bless you.

12 Years Praise To God

I love the Lord and when I went to confession a few weeks ago I offered in full, to Jesus, ALL of my sorrow and anxiety and pain to Jesus for the repose of the soul of my dear sweet brother. May he REST IN PEACE. 💔 I know that God wants for me to focus on HIM because if I focus on the pain of the world, the pain of my life, my soul will suffer in the end. I pray for his sweet kids. I also pray for my sister, and her kids, as she lost her husband last December.💔

I strive to NOT WASTE my suffering but I don't always remember to do so.

I think this post reflects on the dangers of keeping grudges. Don't do this to yourself and please do not hold them against others, especially ones who really do love you. Learn to forgive, please.

A priest recently reminded me that doing the work of God can make people very angry, but not to let that stop me. I suffer from family estrangement because I refused to follow hateful orders. I was told not to take calls from my uncle (US Veteran) who suffers from bipolar and PTSD. He was off his meds and causing a lot of trouble. I was not given an explanation just told not to take his calls.  In my heart that was wrong, and I took his calls. He was suicidal, God saved his life (with my help) and I lost my aunts' love. They hold a grudge against me still for helping him. This is the only thing I can publicly discuss where I think it will help you. I can't tell you how emotionally messed up I feel sometimes because of this but I know God did not want me to ostracize him.  It wrecks me for a few hours, then I remember God loves each person equally, and we are supposed to love each other.  I did the right thing.

My loving sister stuck with me all the way during front line treatment, through all of my suffering and I will forever be GRATEFUL to her for that.  My mom put up with so much of my rage  ( I lived with her) because of the medical errors that happened prior to my diagnosis.  I never got the psychological help I needed to deal with the anger. I am so sorry mom (she is in heaven and no longer has to deal with any suffering).  

I no longer hold a grudge against my doctors in California (pre-cancer) but what continues to happen is the emotional pain gets triggered every now and then. My brother died of cancer and now I am flooded with the memories of all the rage I had back then. I am slowly coming around.

Remember, I was told many times I was too young to have ovarian cancer, while I WAS TELLING MY SYMPTOMS OVER AND OVER, I WAS IGNORED. Of course I had rage for several years.  That was why I named this blog "Nobody" has ovarian cancer.  I no longer have rage, hold no grudge, but the memories come back sometimes, like now. My mom suffered because of me, but I got no help. The massive steroids made me a wreck too, which did not help.  I was so messed up by the steroids that I was fearful to walk outside, the clouds were too dark and I was afraid of dogs. I was a hot mess during front line treatment.  It took two years of my own begging to get a psychologist!

The cancer community did not want to admit that this gross medical error occurred on the part of PCP and OBGYN community, so I never received the psychological support that I needed to manage the rage.  I hate myself for that.  Fast forward to today, I still have anxiety and depression, but it is well-managed. I am not perfect and still to this day most medical staff do not want patients with anxiety.  I feel it all the time. They are so cheery when a patient they like arrives. Look up anticipatory anxiety.

I have to re-think my purpose for living because God is all good, all loving, all merciful and all Truth.  He has me here.  I would have in a second given myself to save my brother or Pat.  I mean that, truly.  God what do you need of me and I pray for you to give me grace to fulfill your will. 

I pray for Thy grace to flow over those whom I love, who have let me go, but if your will is for me to be without them, I will have to accept that. I need you to help me live with that for I cannot bear it.

I am sorry that this post is not the cheery FB positive cheeky happy post you were expecting.  I wish I had some positive photo of me surrounded by a bunch of people wearing teal shirts that say "you go girl" but I don't. I do however still show that loving photo of my sister and I on my last day of front line chemo.  I love you Mandy.

Maybe other cancer survivors or other people with chronic or life threatening conditions who are also single will read this and simply understand.  I have no husband holding my hand when I go to the clinic. I feel vulnerable. Nobody's face lights up when they see me. I need to change so that they do. I will try.

If you are a person who is loved and surrounded by your whole family and lots of friends who adore you, be grateful.  Be grateful they don't hold grudges against you forever. You are abundantly Blessed.  

To the ones who care about me and love me, You mean everything to me. To the ones who have let me go, I love you too.

Be forgiving. 

God Bless you all.