Today it was suggested that I write out my feelings. This is an unexpectedly stressful and sorrowful week. I wish I could run away, childish feelings but it is the truth. I don't want to be in my skin. I miss my brother.
The anniversary of my brother's death from cancer last year is fast approaching and I never got to say goodbye. I had no idea about the details of his death and It really hurts that he is gone. I miss you and love you Arnie. I don't know why you were sent home to God and that I remain. God is in charge and I wish I could have changed that. ✝️✝️✝️
I have a bone scan tomorrow because my right hip and other areas of my pelvis (symphysis) hurt. New oncologist being thorough and cautious, for which I am grateful.
The scan brings up a lot of fear and negative emotion, really negative, but I will try to just stay busy until my next appointment. I can't really shake this because I'm angry about Feb 2021 medical error, but I will try. I know God is there but I feel raw today.
My new oncologist is trying hard to catch up but I feel dread. I always ask God for help. I'm seeking EMDR treatment to deal with medical errors from the past because THOSE memories and feelings are also hurting me. I feel trapped in them.... and it takes up space I need for other things. I want to run away.
Praying I have good news on Wed evening. I miss my brother. I miss Arnie ❤️
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for giving to me your precious time. I look forward to what you have to say. Peace and Blessings, Always.