CDC Symptom Diary Card

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

This Video Could Save Your Life - A message from Dr. Guntupalli

Hello Everyone,

Please take just a few minutes to watch this important video from Dr. Saketh Guntupalli, Director of Gynecology Oncology at the University of Colorado School of Medicine.  He makes it easy to understand why all women (and even men) should watch this video. Our signs and symptoms are there, but difficult to differentiate from other common diseases.  

Please watch, it could literally save your life. Peace and God Bless you!

Friday, August 27, 2021

A Brand New Day

Today was a great day!  I had the pleasure of speaking with a health professional to discuss my anxiety.  I learned another coping skill and feel more empowered to cut off an episode at the pass.  

I had not been able to sleep several nights this past week, haunted by things at the hospital. I recognize that certain things are triggers that can draw me down into a rabbit hole and in spite of my love for Jesus and prayer, I am vulnerable to succumbing to those triggers.

I felt so welcome today, everyone was just so nice. I thanked the Lord over and over for His grace today. I thanked the Lord for all the people who helped me today and that someone listened. God Bless them.

Psychological care is a vital component of our overall healthcare plan as people with cancer, cancer survivors and for caregivers. I know I will always need psychological support. 

If you feel like you need mental health care, please talk with your doctor or nurse. God Bless you.

Monday, August 16, 2021

12 Years Praise To God

I love the Lord and when I went to confession a few weeks ago I offered in full, to Jesus, ALL of my sorrow and anxiety and pain to Jesus for the repose of the soul of my dear sweet brother. May he REST IN PEACE. 💔 I know that God wants for me to focus on HIM because if I focus on the pain of the world, the pain of my life, my soul will suffer in the end. I pray for his sweet kids. I also pray for my sister, and her kids, as she lost her husband last December.💔

I strive to NOT WASTE my suffering but I don't always remember to do so.

I think this post reflects on the dangers of keeping grudges. Don't do this to yourself and please do not hold them against others, especially ones who really do love you. Learn to forgive, please.

A priest recently reminded me that doing the work of God can make people very angry, but not to let that stop me. I suffer from family estrangement because I refused to follow hateful orders. I was told not to take calls from my uncle (US Veteran) who suffers from bipolar and PTSD. He was off his meds and causing a lot of trouble. I was not given an explanation just told not to take his calls.  In my heart that was wrong, and I took his calls. He was suicidal, God saved his life (with my help) and I lost my aunts' love. They hold a grudge against me still for helping him. This is the only thing I can publicly discuss where I think it will help you. I can't tell you how emotionally messed up I feel sometimes because of this but I know God did not want me to ostracize him.  It wrecks me for a few hours, then I remember God loves each person equally, and we are supposed to love each other.  I did the right thing.

My loving sister stuck with me all the way during front line treatment, through all of my suffering and I will forever be GRATEFUL to her for that.  My mom put up with so much of my rage  ( I lived with her) because of the medical errors that happened prior to my diagnosis.  I never got the psychological help I needed to deal with the anger. I am so sorry mom (she is in heaven and no longer has to deal with any suffering).  

I no longer hold a grudge against my doctors in California (pre-cancer) but what continues to happen is the emotional pain gets triggered every now and then. My brother died of cancer and now I am flooded with the memories of all the rage I had back then. I am slowly coming around.

Remember, I was told many times I was too young to have ovarian cancer, while I WAS TELLING MY SYMPTOMS OVER AND OVER, I WAS IGNORED. Of course I had rage for several years.  That was why I named this blog "Nobody" has ovarian cancer.  I no longer have rage, hold no grudge, but the memories come back sometimes, like now. My mom suffered because of me, but I got no help. The massive steroids made me a wreck too, which did not help.  I was so messed up by the steroids that I was fearful to walk outside, the clouds were too dark and I was afraid of dogs. I was a hot mess during front line treatment.  It took two years of my own begging to get a psychologist!

The cancer community did not want to admit that this gross medical error occurred on the part of PCP and OBGYN community, so I never received the psychological support that I needed to manage the rage.  I hate myself for that.  Fast forward to today, I still have anxiety and depression, but it is well-managed. I am not perfect and still to this day most medical staff do not want patients with anxiety.  I feel it all the time. They are so cheery when a patient they like arrives. Look up anticipatory anxiety.

I have to re-think my purpose for living because God is all good, all loving, all merciful and all Truth.  He has me here.  I would have in a second given myself to save my brother or Pat.  I mean that, truly.  God what do you need of me and I pray for you to give me grace to fulfill your will. 

I pray for Thy grace to flow over those whom I love, who have let me go, but if your will is for me to be without them, I will have to accept that. I need you to help me live with that for I cannot bear it.

I am sorry that this post is not the cheery FB positive cheeky happy post you were expecting.  I wish I had some positive photo of me surrounded by a bunch of people wearing teal shirts that say "you go girl" but I don't. I do however still show that loving photo of my sister and I on my last day of front line chemo.  I love you Mandy.

Maybe other cancer survivors or other people with chronic or life threatening conditions who are also single will read this and simply understand.  I have no husband holding my hand when I go to the clinic. I feel vulnerable. Nobody's face lights up when they see me. I need to change so that they do. I will try.

If you are a person who is loved and surrounded by your whole family and lots of friends who adore you, be grateful.  Be grateful they don't hold grudges against you forever. You are abundantly Blessed.  

To the ones who care about me and love me, You mean everything to me. To the ones who have let me go, I love you too.

Be forgiving. 

God Bless you all.

Monday, November 04, 2019

The Command To Be Perfect

Hello friends,

As you may know, Sr. Anne Marie Walsh of SOLT and I host a free monthly spiritual exercise group/support group for people wounded by cancer.  This includes patients, spouses, loved ones, cancer survivors and for those who have lost a loved one due to cancer.  Our group also hosts retreats on a periodic basis to help those who would like to take special time away from day to day distractions and focus on their relationship with Jesus, in light of their situation related to cancer and health.

Tonight we are hosting a call with Sr. Anne Marie about "The Command To Be Perfect".  This will be a very interesting spiritual exercise because our society, especially in more advanced cultures, really alters what is meant by perfect and we are simply incapable of reaching "perfection".

I went on a retreat in Iowa at Domus Trinitatis about two weeks ago and must say it was truly challenging for me spiritually.  I was experiencing more of our Lord's suffering than joy but continue to reflect on that in total and strive to apply this to my current life as I focus on being closer to Him.

The link to tonight's session is on our website and can be found by clicking here

This past year has really been challenging physically. I won't bore you with all the details but let's just say I am really struggling physically.  If I didn't have a true Love for God, the Saints and our Blessed Mother who knows where I would be.  I always stay grateful that I am alive to tell about it.  I really do understand how fortunate I am. 

Thank you for listening and I hope you have some time to visit our website at

Peace and Blessings,
aka Servivorgirl!

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Celebrating 10 Years

This week marks the anniversary of 10 years since my ovarian cancer diagnosis and surgery. Wow!  If someone would have told me that I would still be here, 10 years later, I really would not have believed them.  I have been spending a lot of quiet time lately reflecting on this past decade.

My mom, my sister (and her family), my brother, my father, my aunt, my friends Barb and Craig, and my doctors are the people who carried me for the first few years after that painful time.  My life was literally uprooted. I was without any control, real or imagined.  My faith in God was never in doubt but I quickly realized that what I thought I knew about His plan for me was completely wrong. I never lost my love for Him, I adore Him with all of my being!

At this point in my life I am more peaceful, because I know that eternity is real.  My mom is in heaven and I am yearning for time with her.  I miss her so much it hurts sometimes.  Comfort comes from knowing that she is truly with Jesus, she is safe, she is joyful, she is at peace.

Since my diagnosis I have met some amazing people, forged new and lasting friendships, endeavored in a completely unexpected direction by starting a cancer ministry, and have reconnected with precious friends from long ago.  I have also sadly suffered losses of relationships with people whom I love and hold dear to my heart.  My body is broken but my spirit is strong.

I am grateful for this rickety body, ha!  It doesn't work how I want it to but my heart and soul know that Glory awaits for us all, if we want to accept it.

I pray for you and ask you pray for me.  Please pray for our cancer ministry, Facing Our Immortality.  Please pray for my family, my friends, my doctors, our ministry's religious sisters and my sweet kit kat Marilyn. Pray for each other and ask God to help you.  Develop a relationship with Him so that you don't feel alone.  He loves you.  

Thank you for taking time to catch up with me today.  I hope that you can find joy in your days and your life. Thank you for caring.

Peace and Blessings to you and yours.