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Monday, October 09, 2023

My Safe Place Is With Jesus

There is a link to our cancer ministry below. I’m certain you are confused, how could someone with so many medical traumas and emotional traumas be faithful?

Last week I went to confession, received an anointing of the sick and enrolled in the brown scapular. God is allowing my PTSD. God is allowing my cancer. God is allowing me to have difficult relationships and experience abandonment.  

Jesus experienced the ultimate suffering as an innocent Lamb of God. Every day I think about how nice it would be to have a “normal” life, even with cancer. 

I rely on really amazing friends and have extended family that talks with me. God is good.  

If I did not embrace Jesus I would probably have committed suicide by now. It’s strange. My cancer is very bad, CA125 raising.

I miss Dr. Gray so much.  She took such good care of me. I regret leaving Seattle to come here, where I am not wanted.  I sacrificed my health because I got better care there.

My job is to pray for those who have rejected me.  Many cancer patients experience rejection eventually.  It is a piercing pain. It is what it is. That is why we need Jesus. 

Jesus loves you and will not abandon you. We have heaven awaiting us as our eternal home, all we need to do is say YES.  

Confession releases us from our sin as Jesus absolves us. We repent and make reparation. Jesus forgets our sin and repays our sin.  

Sometimes I want to stop talking altogether except to pray. It is my voice, my tone that gets me in trouble.  Maybe God is saying to just pray, embrace silence.  That sounds good.  

My radiation treatments will end after two more sessions. I think my good gynonc wants me to resume chemo. It took 6 weeks to recover from most recent Gemzar. I am not sure I can tolerate chemo.  

Hospice is looming.  I’m not ready but I’m tired.  God Bless you.

https://facingourimmortality.org/2023/10/05/an-examination-of-love-spiritual-exercise-10-09-23/


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