CDC Symptom Diary Card

Saturday, September 12, 2015

"What Every Woman Should Know" video link



The message here is that if your body is experiencing problems outside of what you normally (baseline) know to be true, talk about it with your doctor.  My two cents: if your doctor is not listening, either find another way to communicate with your caring doctor or get another opinion.  It is ok to do that too.

This video is a fantastic one to share with other women who want to learn more about the possible symptoms of ovarian cancer.  Please send this to them.  It could save a life.

This link can also be found at http://www.foundationforwomenscancer.org/educational-materials/ovarian-cancer/

Peace and blessings,

Denise a.k.a. Servivorgirl

Friday, September 04, 2015

NASCAR And The Race To End Ovarian Cancer



"The Martin Truex Jr. Foundation raises awareness, advocacy & research funding for cancer initiative specific to ovarian and childhood cancers.


A little over a year ago Sherry Pollex was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, we are driving awareness for symptoms and raising funds through this online auction and the sale of Never Give Up bracelets to benefit treatment research."  courtesy of The NASCAR Foundation Website.

Danica Patrick is joining forces with Martin Truex Jr. to raise awareness of ovarian cancer and to support fundraising efforts that further ovarian cancer research.  

We pray for Sherry Pollex to continue to be healed as our cause is rallying support from NASCAR this September.  The NASCAR Foundation is launching their auction on September 6, 2015.

To find out more, link to http://www.nascarfoundation.org/Go-Teal

You can also find more information via the following FACEBOOK Pages:



Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl




Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Women's Cancer Awareness Month Begins






Please visit to this most comprehensive link on women's cancers from the 
Foundation for Women's Cancer

When I was diagnosed with high grade serous cancer, stage IIIC, I also had concurrent high grade cervical cancer.  I moved to Seattle AFTER diagnosis and surgery to receive better care.  

My care team in Seattle means the world to me.

I am not an advocate exclusively for ovarian cancer awareness.  I advocate that women learn about all female cancers.  Ovarian Cancer needs the most support and awareness, but no cancer is more important than another.  All cancers are a cancer in need of a cure.

Please share the link to the http://www.foundationforwomenscancer.org with every female in your life because we need to take care of our bodies and we need to know what to expect when things start to go wrong. 

Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl




Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Finances and How Spiritual and Religious Beliefs Help Us

Hello Everyone,

I want to share two important articles about living with cancer. The first is another wonderful article I located on http://www.cancercompass.com/cancer-news/article/50346.htm?c=NL20150812

Cancer Compass is a valuable resource for everyone with cancer.  Below is the first quote from the article: 

"MONDAY, Aug. 10, 2015 (HealthDay News) -- Spiritual and religious beliefs may benefit cancer patients' physical and mental health, researchers say.
They conducted three reviews of all published studies on the topic, which included more than 44,000 patients. However, none of the studies were able to show a cause-and-effect relationship between spirituality and better outcomes, only an association between these factors."  
The timing for this article could not be more perfect as I have about 5 or 6 spots left at the upcoming retreat for Women With Cancer at the OLCC Retreat in Corpus Christi, TX. Please link from the above image, off to the right, to register for our event taking place September 17-20, 2015.  It is free and if you want to donate, they accept donations upon conclusion of the retreat. Rooms are private/bath with meals included. I have done several posts about my amazing experience at the OLCC.  Please attend if you are able.

The second topic is finances.  We are in great need, as a community of people with cancer, for financial resources. Cancer uproots people and generates a tremendous number of bankruptcies due to job loss and costs associated with cancer care, side effects and extra expenses needed for managing life in general. Research money does not go to daily living and medical expense needs.
Linked below is an article written by one of our lovely ovarian sisters published in Kevin MD.  Many people work with cancer, but not all of us can, especially people like me.  I am hard to employ because I can only work when I am feeling good.  That is not predictable and it varies so much, my fatigue remains extreme. But maybe I could do a small project here and there. Project work is probably ideal for people like me, project work with no tight deadlines.  HA. I will figure it out eventually but please read this article so that you can get this perspective from someone other than me.
Peace and Blessings, 
Servivorgirl
South Lake Union. Seattle, Washington



Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Today Marks My 6 Year Cancerversary

Today marks 6 years since went under the knife. I remember mom and my aunt faithfully attending to every need and listening attentively to every word spoken by the nurses and doctors prior to the surgery.  Mom would later be standing in front of me the first time I sat in a chair to show me that I can be strong.  I just wish I had known that was what she was doing at the time. I was very clostrophobic. My cancer took a toll on her and for that my heart still aches. God I did not want for my cancer to take a toll on her or anyone.

Two days prior to surgery I worked my last day, making every effort to prepare my work space so that someone could take over my responsibilities.  My pain was so bad I could not be upright more than an hour at a time.  I was looking very pregnant by then and unable to wear any pants or shorts.

The prep, the packing, the planning all so tasking because after this major surgery I knew I would be needing help for awhile.  My family running on adrenaline to assist me however it could be done because I was single, renting a room in a house. What a nightmare. My sister and aunt literally taking two weeks off from their lives to cater to mine.  My brother driving my car to Seattle and me moving from California to Seattle to live with mom so that I could get chemo at the SCCA. My sister did all the legwork to find the SCCA for me.

My life and the lives of those around me were completely upended. A traumatic time and event that still lingers in my battle with panic and anxiety today.

Life is much different now. My sweet mom has since passed away and now I live in Seatttle alone once again.  Right now I cannot work but am increasing my participation in therapies to improve my overall health. I am and will always be on Avastin until I cannot tolerate it anymore as I LIVE with metastatic cancer.  Praise God for this medication and for 6 years of living since that day!

I never thought I could live with cancer, but I can!  I have medical appointments every week, but it is not trauma, it is just a new way of living.

My family here is my community of neighbors, friends, church and healthcare providers. I long to live where I can see the water from my window but am not likely to ever move away from the SCCA. The SCCA has been my lifeline.  My gynonc, Dr. Heidi Gray, has been my angel on earth.

So on this day I celebrate a second chance at living and hope that my story offers hope to you, my reader, that no matter what your barrier, there can be a rainbow. My prayers and thanks go to all of my family who sacrificed so much of their lives to go through this with me.

My faith in God and my daily prayers helped me to stay grounded and strong during these years.  

I invite you to attend an enlightening retreat that I feel called upon to nurture.  It will be led by Sr. Anne Marie, a cancer survivor herself, of the S.O.L.T. Sisterhood.  I attended their retreat in January and was so lifted by the epxerince that it was only natural to ask them if we can do one for women with cancer. Sr. Laudem Gloriae was so delighted to help.

Please join us in September.  We have room for 10 more participants. The fee is a donation of your choosing. The rooms come with private baths and meals are provided. The campus has a beautiful meditation garden and Perpetual Adoration Chapel.  

The link is located at http://www.deepprayer.org or you can email me your name, address, phone number and email address to: servivorgirl@gmail.com to register for the event.

Thank you for sharing in my joy.

God Bless you.







Sunday, July 19, 2015

My Knuckle Knickers: A Wrap Hack

I have had rheumatoid arthritis (RA) since I was 15 years old.  Biologics such as Enbrel tank my white blood cell counts, so I am stuck with prednisone, plaquenil, leflunomide and rituxan to manage my disease. RA and cancer together are a difficult combination of illnesses to balance. All things considered I feel fortunate because my physicians communicate well amongst each other to discuss options that keep my pain and swelling at a minimum.

I want to share a recent “hack” with you that thrills me.  Introducing “Knuckle Knickers” (ha!). This wrap is simply and exclusively used to provide comfort and it comes from me to you, as a patient.  It in no way replaces any prescription for a thermoplastic or neoprene hand support recommended by your doctor or therapist.

I get too much pain wearing hard splints, even if the splint is lined.  I don’t want to wear neoprene gloves all day.  Sigh.  So this is what I created for myself.  Maybe you will find this useful.

Our MCP (metacarpal-phalangeal) joints suffer greatly due to RA disease.  They get very weak and swell easily with minimal use. Everyday use of our hands can cause permanent damage.

I have searched high and low for something to protect my MCP joints exclusively with no luck. Kudos to the makers of that soft colorful shelf liner material.  I love this stuff.  It can repel water and is easy to replace when this strap wears down.  For example I will wear this when unloading the dishwasher, unloading groceries, doing household projects or even while driving.

Here are some photos of how I am using this soft rubbery shelf lining to gently support my MCP joints.  All I did was cut a 1” strip of material and place it gently around my knuckles.   I layer it twice around without increasing pressure on my knuckles.


Do NOT stretch the material or tighten it around your MCP joints.  Simply spread fingers as much as possible while gently wrapping the material around your knuckles.  This wrap will rest securely in place once either tucked in or secured with a clasp, as seen in the photo. I like it because it is soft and feels good.  

Do NOT squish the MCP joints together when applying wrap. Wear as needed. Think of this as simply an extra layer of skin. The material breathes, can be cleaned and is pliable.

This soft material protects the MCP surface from extreme pain in case I accidentally knock the back of my hand into anything, like a door frame.  Ouch! Seriously, tapping my knuckles on anything hurts quite a bit.  I can don and doff this very easily. I know that for some people with RA it can be painful to put gloves on so this kind of wrap is very gentle and easy to complete.
 
Having RA requires us to re-think how we use our hands.  We need to avoid using our hands in a way that encourages movement in a damaging direction. That is all grand and good and definitely worth learning.  It takes at least 30 days to change a habit, so be patient.   

*Glassware should be held with the palms of both hands.  I did not have a tripod when taking the photo below  ;-).  My Knuckle Knickers helps me grip the glass surface, easing the pressure on my joints if I am not using my palms exclusively.

Always check with your physician to get their approval as well.

Please link here for information on how to help your hands:


Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl


Ouch

Simple shelf liner

1" wide

Do not squish, this is just like another layer of skin.

Takes a little pressure off the joints.  

Use two hands to lift cups and glasses.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Relief From Your Suffering

Forgiveness.  Freedom from pain.  Freedom from fear.  Love. Happiness.  Joy.  Being a living contribution to our family and community.  Making a real difference.  Reconciliation.  These are the big picture items that become important when we live with an illness like cancer, something that knowingly can shorten our lives.  We cannot run away.  God is here to show us the way to find these things, if we allow it.

Becoming whole; physically, socially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy requires effort on our part.  After the initial diagnoses of cancer we get an army of support, via adrenaline, from family, neighbors, even people we don't know.  It is amazing.  Thanks be to God we live through that initial battle but continue on in a different life.  Our loved ones may need breaks too from the never ending fear of death.  So how do we live with cancer, or life after cancer, in a healthful way that keeps us strong and also helps other people not to be afraid?  

Our retreat is just a few months away and my heart says that you will experience some relief from the burden of your suffering if you join myself and other women in Corpus Christi this September.  Our retreat is designed to address the essentials necessary for obtaining calm during this stormy phase of your life.

www.deepprayer.org
Please go to www.deepprayer.org and complete the easy registration form for the "Women With Cancer" retreat September 17-20 of 2015. 

You get to unplug, focus on you and experience another kind of family.  

The form is located n the "drop down" menu, under Women with Cancer retreats.  Please share this information. I hope to see you there.

Peace and Blessings,
Denise Archuleta
servivorgirl@gmail.com

Friday, July 03, 2015

"The New Cancer Survivors" by Psychology Today author Wendy Paris


At the end of the month I will officially be 6 years post my diagnosis of high grade serous stage IIIC ovarian cancer. WOWEE!  I am living with cancer, on Avastin still, and negotiating life in the hopes to share something that will help another sister or sister's loved one through this kind of life.

Thank goodness for social media.  I just had my 51st birthday and in the process of thanking people I came across an ovarian sister's "like" on Facebook.  I have no idea if that sentence is grammatically correct....ha.  Anywhoooo....there was a shared page of one of the best articles I have ever read describing this new era of cancer survivors.  We are the ones who are not in remission or N.E.D (no evidence of disease) and we are not in all out battle mode either. We are living with a cancer that can get out of control at any moment yet appear to be mainly stable.  

I compare this to be like a passenger in a high speed race car, no control, an excellent driver, but one glitch and it could all spin out of control.  I have blinders on so I don't know where the next turn will begin.  This creates an interesting kind of life that on one hand quickly rearranges our priorities and on the other creates challenges as to how to actually execute this new plan. 

 It's one thing to have an epiphany and decide to live a charitable life giving everything to help humanity and it is another thing to do that but constantly endure pain, need treatment and worry about resources.  How wonderful it would be to abandon it all and go live my life!  

I am tethered to my treatment, but I thank God for that every day.  So my way of reaching out abroad is not by travel but via the internet.  

This article is important for everyone in this position to read, especially their loved ones.  Individuals respond to this situation differently.  Our culture is not prepared for the thousands of people living in this "state" when it comes to supportive resources.  I just wrote a letter to my congressman about how SSDI and it's antiquated operations have hurt people living with advanced cancer.  (I will save you the details now but SSDI has no way to effectively assist people living with advanced cancers who are not yet terminal.  To understand this fully I will do a separate post at some point to educate you on the realities of working part time with cancer while receiving SSDI).

Please take a moment to read this beautifully written article.  It is inspiring, truly!


THE NEW CANCER SURVIVORS Psychology Today

"This range of emotions—the simultaneous gratitude and dread, the intense awareness of both the exquisiteness and capriciousness of life—may of course be felt by anyone with cancer, from those with the most promising prognosis to those with the least. But for people whose cancer can be explained only as a chronic condition, the inner stew is often far more pronounced because of the sheer length of time they have to deal with it and the utter uncertainty about how it will unfold."  

The New Cancer Survivors

Extraordinary advances have turned cancer from an apparent death sentence into a manageable chronic illness for many. But what does it mean to live with a terminal disease...interminably? 
By Wendy Paris, published on March 9, 2015 - last reviewed on March 24, 2015

Peace and Blessings
God Bless America as we celebrate our Nations's Independence

Denise
aka Servivorgirl

Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Eva Cassidy Story: ABC Nightline

A star that gets brighter with each day, the Eva Cassidy Story.  Eva was music.  Beautiful music.  She was a unique talent that left the world too soon from cancer.

Please listen and watch to be inspired by her sweetness.




Peace, love and blessings to you.

Denise

aka Servivorgirl

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

On A Lighter Note But First The American College Of Physicians

I like to round up my blog posts with good news.  This piece speaks about my beef with the American College of Physicians and wraps up with a sweet moment in my life: meeting Martin Short!

It seems that when it comes to ovarian cancer, TV physicians are quick to shy away from spelling out the details of the symptom diary that helps women, and doctors, understand some of the potentially lifesaving symptoms of ovarian cancer.  The American College of Physicians has once again published a report about cancer "screenings", and it is controversial, at a minimum.

We in this community know the holy grail of screening tests has not yet been discovered but there was no reason whatsoever to end the interview "there is nothing we can do".  Dr. Azar did not leave much room for hope during the interview, and this saddens me because there IS hope.  I pray she finds a way to clarify this in more detail and show the millions of viewers that progress has been made.

Dr. Azar is more than likely an excellent personal physician, but the media message needs to include some sunlight when it comes to ovarian cancer, as with all cancers. The problem is that this was such a short TV segment. There was not enough time to talk about the complexities of ovarian cancer detection.  I do not agree with the ACP, at all, and I do not like how Dr. Azar answered the question as to what can be done.  There is absolutely no reason to avoid screening with a CA125 blood test if combined with the symptoms already proven in Dr. Goff's research on the ovarian cancer symptom card.

http://www.ocrf.org/news/ocrf-talks/dr-barbara-goff-on-the-ovarian-cancer-symptoms-study

http://www.seattlecca.org/doctor/barbara-a-goff.cfm


I have a few goals: for as long as I am alive I am going to help women learn that there is a symptom checklist available for gynecological cancers, including ovarian cancer.  Another goal is to do everything I can to get that information out to doctors. Let them know that there is a symptom card available from the CDC's Inside Knowledge Campaign that can be distributed within their office.

One day we WILL have a screening tool. Please visit the Be Brave icon link at the top of my page or click here CDC Inside Knowledge Campaign to get the materials for your PCP.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

On a much lighter note, I got my dream date with Martin Short a few weeks ago while attending the Gilda's Club "Surviving With Style Fashion Show".  The room was filled, packed.  He has not spoken much of the loss of his sweet wife Nancy from ovarian cancer.  This bittersweet moment combined with a fabulous fashion show greatly lifted my spirits.  I adore Martin Short, who doesn't?  Oh thank you God for I was able to see him. Meeting Martin Short is on my bucket list and now I can say I did.  Love him!  Thank you Martin Short for talking about your life, your sweet Nancy and helping us live a better life with ovarian cancer.

Martin Short and Denise Archuleta at "Gilda's Club Surviving With Style Seattle 2015"  My dream come true.  God bless Martin Short and Gilda's Club.

High Profile Cancer Screening Report

http://www.today.com/health/which-cancer-screenings-do-you-need-doctors-weigh-5-most-t21776

Gilda's Club Surviving With Style 2015

"It's Always-Something" by Gilda Radner-Twentieth-Anniversary Edition

"I Must Say" by Martin Short


Peace and Blessings,

Denise Archuleta
aka Servivorgirl



Friday, May 08, 2015

WORLD OVARIAN CANCER DAY



Please take a moment to visit World Ovarian Cancer Day .  See the positive strength and unity amongst the sisters and their support on this worldwide day of awareness.

This link also takes you to a compelling video of President Obama's sister and how her family was effected by ovarian cancer.

http://ovariancancerday.org/watch-president-obamas-sisters-story/


Please share this information with family, friends and your medical community.

Peace and Blessings,
Denise
aka Servivorgirl


Monday, May 04, 2015

Cancer Safety Dot Com

In order to lay a foundation for this post I want to share why I think these painful memories are prominent in my heart and mind.  I never legally addressed wrongdoings that happened in California, and I am not taking a legal approach to resolve matters related to being fired by my doctor.  

What IS coming to the surface again is my heartache as to how that impacted my family, especially my mom. They had to absorb my anger and pain of knowing in my heart that this viscious act delayed my cancer diagnosis.  So I beg you to please forgive me.  Mother's Day is coming up and her passing is too fresh.  Her struggles and pain are right in front of me.  She is in good care now with God, I just have to repeat that over and over right now.  This is why I pray all the time.  I need God to help me.
...................................................................

I think it is important for everyone to know that there are resources to help us know we are or aren't receiving quailty medical care. The Cancer Safety Council https://www.cancersafety.com is a Seattle based organization that presents itself as a patient resource to help those who may need another professional eye to view their medical care.

This is not an endorsement but I felt like this type of resource should be known to those of us in the cancer community.  It is your life....

My gynonc is fully trusted by me.  My faith in her is essential to my healing and to how my treatments are keeping my tumors in control.  I have believed this since the first day I met my gynonc in Seattle. I had already undergone optimal debulking in California but life circumstances required me to uproot and move to Seattle for my chemotherapy.  My mom, sister and her family were in Seattle.

I have full trust in God, in Jesus, but cannot say I have always trusted doctors.  Sad huh.  A freak thing happened with me in California where a nurse lied to a doctor,  claiming I had done something I hadn't.  My doctor in California dropped me.  He didn't just drop me from the clinic but elected to drop me from the entire provider network. Eight months later I had aggressive stage IIIC ovarian cancer.

God is giving me strength to mention this so that I can help you. This event from my past was absolutely traumatizing.  Left abandoned, as a woman with undiagnosed medical issues and severe rheumatoid arthritis, that doctor's actions were extreme and cruel. As patients, especially because insurance companies do not allow us the full freedom of choice, are at the mercy of the doctor and their office management.

The best example of how poorly that clinic in Calfornia was run is this: all labs, and I mean ALL labs were required to be scheduled. So if I left a medical appointment and needed a lab I would have to call and schedule it, go back to work, drive 20 minutes, then at some point in the future need another 40 minutes travel time plus lab time, to get the draw done.  I missed a lot of work and this was before cancer.  I could go on for days.  The point here is that doctors need good office managers and if the doctor does not see that policy is interfering with care, that is a red flag.

The anger from that trauma is gone and I believe in my heart that God keeps me here to raise my voice about that experience so that you, the reader, always stays aware of your surroundings. I haven't eluded to that experience in quite a long time.  

If the hairs stand up on the back of your neck, pay attention.  Be politely persistent in getting your much deserved good care.  But if that doesn't happen I hope you can run for the hills!  

Below is an empowering article written by patient advocate Trisha Torrey for About.com.  Please follow her column because she seems so truly balanced to me.  Unless you have actually been thrown under the bus by a doctor, it is probably hard to imagine these things really do happen.   She can help stear you in the right direction if you or a loved one have concerns about a healthcare provider.

http://patients.about.com/od/doctorsandproviders/fl/Among-Doctors-There-are-Way-Too-Many-Bad-Apples.htm

My heart is with those of you who are struggling to get good quality care.  May each and all of you find strength.

Peace and blessings

Denise a.k.a. 
Servivorgirl

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Put That Jug To Good Use



If you know anything about my little blog you know I don't always talk about ovarian cancer, which to me is healthy.  Here is an important message that I pray finds its way into your home.

If you are like me, you cringe when you see water running out of the tap for any reason other than immediate use.  Things like rinsing dishes, getting the perfect tap water temperature, filling a cold water bottle and even cleaning the sink seem to waste so much water.  When I was a little child I remember that sink faucets had separate piping for hot and cold, so the hot was "hot" already.  We need our plumbing systems to find that happy space again somehow.

In the interim, I want every kitchen to have a spare water jug to capture clean water.

This is where the clean pre-usage water is captured while we wait for the water to get either hotter or colder.  If you have kids, let them decorate them.  I fill my gallon container to the rim each day, easy.

This is important because we should not drink hot water from the tap, it comes from the tank which may be rusty on the inside.  So allow your jug to capture this water and re-purpose it in your garden or even on your lawn.  Use a larger bin to hold this water outside.  You can use this fresh water to put in pots for boiling eggs or other forms of cooking.

Please take a look at my charming clunky video and share! Share! Share!

PS.  I saw my gynonc yesterday and the plan is avastin forever, basically.  Every three weeks. Thanks Be to God for this wonderful medical care.  Now I just need a fatigue blaster.

Peace and Blessings,

Denise  aka Servivorgirl

Sunday, April 19, 2015

My Nightmares Trap Me

My sleeping habits and dreams continue to trap me, or are they a window to hope?  I wonder about this each day as I struggle to awaken from my dreams.  This morning I could hear my sweet cat Marilyn meowing in the ever so distant background as I struggled to go shopping for food.

I would walk off of the elevator and towards a chrome plated reception desk.  The smoke in the room softened all of the details, but clearly I was needed for an event.  I would register at the front desk, receive my card key and sluggishly open the door to my room.

Inside my room was the home of my grandmother Archuleta.  She was ill, and awaiting death.  My job in the family was to go buy food for everyone as they pray with grandma before and as she passes on to the heavens.   I saw people that I had met only once as a small child.

When I arrived at the market there was a sea of people crowding the fresh fish and meats.  The fresh meat market rested alongside a beautiful white sandy beach. The water looked so refreshing, I wanted badly to walk along the shore.

I was ordered to purchase fresh shrimp and chicken. The meat market containers display cases contained an overabundant number of orange nets, they were everywhere. The checkout lines, outlined with those mobile strap stands that you see in airports, were like a maze.  I got lost in the line.

By the time I made my way to the cash register the chicken meat had gone bad and had to be thrown away.  Once again I had to go back and get more chicken.  I got lost once again and the meat spoiled once again.  The third trip was different.  I reselected shrimp and took some other form of meat to the register.  I cannot remember what it was.

By the time I returned to grandma's house there were more guests and still not enough meat.  I was sent back to the market again. Feeling so exhausted, grieving for my grandma, fearing embarrassment because I could not remember the names of most of the relatives in the room.  I did not return again until the next day.

I cuddled up next to my grandmother, said I was sorry and started to cry.  This dream also had me staying in the same hotel,  needing to return to my mom, my mom who I miss so much.  I could not escape this darn hotel.  I was mandated to attend a seminar by some guy selling some "thing".  He was mean to me, berated me for not knowing information in his seminar.  Horrible feeling.

Oh what a nightmare.  I tried to escape.  My friend from high school was there too, and she was distraught for she was also trapped in the banquet room.  My mom needed me and I could not get to her.

I could hear my cat this morning calling for me, awakening me ever so slightly, but not enough.  I felt like a brick of iron on a magnetic mattress.   This is how all my nightmares are right now.  Instead of waking in a frightful state I stay trapped in them, waking up in sweats at the conclusion of the dream.

I woke up today up at 2pm.

This reminds me of a series of dreams I have had about mom.  They have happened all in the last 60 days, in a series of three, with distinct messages for me from God I believe.

The first dream mom and I were on the phone.  She was sitting in her car parked in the driveway. The sun must have been setting because I can see her there, squinting from the glare.  When she was alive she would sometimes sit in the car to get warm as she was constantly cold.

She dropped the phone and it fell under the seat somewhere and I could hear her crying and panicking because she could not find her phone.  I was telling her loudly, hoping she could hear me, that she would be OK.  I told her not to worry and that I was there.  I said not to cry, it will be alright. The dream stayed in that moment.  I found my body frantically fluttering around in the car, as if I were a little butterfly, trying to console her.  I must have gotten a phone call in the afternoon that finally woke me up from this nightmare.

The next dream mom was calling me from an elevator.  I could hear the vessel's movement, continuous, going in just one direction.  I feel like, because in my dream I was able to see her standing in the elevator, and the numbers were going up.  She was on her way to some specific place, a real destination.

She was looking up at the red digital display, of the numbers changing, increasing one by one.  She told me of the moment when the elevator went dark but said she was not afraid.  She even laughed, that sort of nervous laugh that demonstrates a hint of excitement and joy.  She told me not to worry.  I just listened on the other end of the line. The elevator kept going up and up and up and mom kept giggling. I can still remember the echo.

The next dream shows an outside garden party  There are 4 or 5 long tables, about 30 feet in length.  Each table is covered with elegant white linens, bouquets of flowers, candles and china.  The silver settings and crystal glassware shimmer in the twilight sky under the glass light bulb canopy.  I believe the drinking glasses were rimmed with gold.

Sitting on each side of the table are men wearing bright white robes adorned with silk sashes.  They are talking amongst themselves as they await the feast to come.  The air is crisp, fresh and it feels like a celebration is about to start.

Smack dab in the middle of all these men sits my mom, comfortable and gleeful in a chair.  She is neatly dressed, not sure in what, but she looks beautiful.  As if I am watching from a branch on a tree, she looks up at me as smiles with great joy.  She just beams, is radiant and happy.

She just does not stop looking at me and never stops smiling.  I feel like she is safe.  I did not want this moment to stop.  I wanted it to last forever, to see her loving face and feel that sense of serenity.  I reach out my arm to touch her but I cannot, she is too far away. Holding her hand is all I want to do.  Eventually I awaken from this dream. I still see her in the garden, I still see her smiling.  My heart still hurts, but not as much as before.

This most recent dream of mom told me that she is in heaven, for certain.  God now has her, God cares for her.  She will never suffer ever again.

I love you mom and may you be the angel who comes for me one day.

Peace and Blessings to you all!

Love
Denise

My mom enjoying time with me in the springtime.