Mom I admire you

I have been asked many times by my Seattle doctors, and recently a psychologist, to identify what really kept me going every day.  It is not easy to identify the force that drives us to live, even when we are healthy.  When we are healthy, we wake up and live our lives.  

We go to sleep and start over the next day.  "Living" is up to God and is not in our control, but the "will" to live comes from another place.  I always look to God and find that the people around me give me the desire to keep going.

My mom was and remains a driving force behind my will to traverse the path of a new life, even when I just want to quit.  I'm in a tough spot, and need to get an actual life started again.  It's more about resources.  I have none....ha!  I just have to think positive and believe that I will be able to take care of myself financially.  That's all I can do.  

My mom believes that I will make it.

Although my mom has started dialysis, she is determined to remain independent and that means that I am being requested to keep looking for a new place and resume some sort of life, after cancer. 

 I could stay here forever, because I want to be here if she needs something.  She is so strong. I will miss her so much when I move out.

My mom is AMAZING.  She is more driven and determined and motivated to live than anyone I know.  She is a Type I diabetic, has been for over 40 years.  Usually Type I diabetics need to start dialysis after 20 years, but my mom has taken such good care of herself that she has been able to wait 40 years.

She has to work to keep herself alive every day, maintaining her insulin pump, checking her blood sugars, watching every calorie, and type of food.  Now that she's started dialysis, we find ourselves spending 15 hours a week at a treatment center and she is hooked up to a machine that cleans her blood.

This is her new life, machine one and machine two (insulin pump and dialysis).  If she decides to stop connecting herself to either machine, she will die.  

So she wills herself every day to connect to a machine, and live.  She too has pain, and complications, but just keeps on keeping on.  

She is so forgiving, so forgiving.  Puts me to shame.  One of her doctors could have given her a little better advice and it caused her some problems, but that is over now and she is just moving forward.

God asks us to be forgiving and love our neighbors.  I believe that God uses people around us to talk to us in subtle ways, and we need to just listen.  Be quiet, and alert, and open to the cues.

There are many other people in my life, family and friends, who give me "will" to keep going to find my new life, but I just wanted to spend a little time talking about mom.  

She is an artist, a debater, an activist, a rebel, a great caregiver, and a great grandmother.  Her creativity is endless and she is passionate about all people having equal opportunity and that all humans are treated with dignity.  She is so intelligent, and strong-willed.  She is very loving. 

I love you mom.

Denise

Direct from President Obama on Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

September 01, 2011

Presidential Proclamation--National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

NATIONAL OVARIAN CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, 2011

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

Ovarian cancer continues to have one of the highest mortality rates of any cancer, and it is a leading cause of cancer deaths among women in the United States. This month, we remember the mothers, sisters, and daughters we have lost to ovarian cancer, and we extend our support to those living with this disease. We also reaffirm our commitment to raising awareness about ovarian cancer, and to advancing our screening and treatment capabilities for the thousands of American women who will be diagnosed this year.

Ovarian cancer touches women of all backgrounds and ages. Because of a lack of early symptoms and effective screening tests, ovarian cancer is often not detected in time for successful interventions. It is crucial that women know how to recognize the warning signs of gynecological cancers and can detect the disease as early as possible. I encourage all women to learn about risk factors, including family history, and to discuss possible symptoms, including abdominal pain, with their doctor. Now, because of the Affordable Care Act, a wide range of preventive screenings are available to women without any copayments, deductibles, or coinsurance.

My Administration is committed to supporting the women, families, and professionals working to end this disease. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Department of Health and Human Services have started a campaign to educate women on cancers affecting reproductive organs. The National Cancer Institute is researching new ways to detect ovarian cancer, publishing a comprehensive study of the most aggressive types of ovarian cancer, and conducting clinical trials for new combinations of therapy. And this year, agencies across the Federal Government, from the National Institutes of Health to the Department of Defense, have committed to supporting ovarian cancer prevention and treatment research.

So many lives have been touched by ovarian cancer -- from the women who fight this disease, to the families who join their loved ones in fighting their battle. In the memory of all the brave women who have lost their lives to ovarian cancer, and in support of generations of women to come, let us recommit to reaching a safer, healthier future for all our citizens.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 2011 as National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I call upon citizens, government agencies, organizations, health-care providers, and research institutions to raise ovarian cancer awareness and continue helping Americans live longer, healthier lives. And I urge women across the country to talk to their health-care providers and learn more about this disease.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-sixth.

BARACK OBAMA

DEAR PRESIDENT OBAMA, THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART
DENISE ARCHULETA

Thank you Ovations for the Cure for letting us know
http://www.ovationsforthecure.org/

Turn Facebook Teal to Heal in September

Red Alert!!!!!

I am asking Mark Zuckerberg to turn Facebook Teal in September!!!!  Please help me.  Here is a link to a discussion on his public profile page. 

https://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=68310606562&topic=33687

Please also "like"  my page in Facebook!  Even if we get one day, one is better than none!  
Save the life of a daughter, a mom, a sister!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Teal-to-Heal-Pages-in-September/192324557499518

U.S. National Library of Medicine - The World's Largest Medical Library

Ovarian cancer

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

Ovarian cancer is the fifth most common cancer among women.

Symptoms

Ovarian cancer symptoms are often vague. Women and their doctors often blame the 

symptoms on other, more common conditions. By the time the cancer is diagnosed, the 

tumor has often spread beyond the ovaries.

You should see your doctor if you have the following symptoms on a daily basis 

for more than a few weeks:

• Bloating
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Pelvic or abdominal pain

Other symptoms are also seen with ovarian cancer. 

However, these symptoms are also common in women who do not have cancer:

• Abnormal menstrual cycles
• Digestive symptoms:
  • Constipation
  • Increased gas
  • Indigestion
  • Lack of appetite
  • Nausea and vomiting
• Sense of pelvic heaviness
• Swollen abdomen or belly
• Unexplained back pain that worsens over time
• Vaginal bleeding
• Vague lower abdominal discomfort
• Weight gain or loss

Other symptoms that can occur with this disease:

• Excessive hair growth
• Increased urinary frequency or urgency

Something simply beautiful for a change

Take a moment to breathe in and delight in the beauty of Mandy's special works of art.  So precious.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/weatheredsilo?ref=pr_shop

weathered silo (2)

Peace to all,

Love,
Denise

Guest post from David Haas

Hello friends, I have posted an article by David Haas on the benefits of exercise when you have cancer.  I can fully appreciate the importance.  Before cancer I was walking two miles a day.  Chemo steals your soul, but only for a little while.  As the chemo fades, the ability to do more increases over time.  Thank you David for your well written article. 
Peace and blessings, Denise

Cancer Patients Can Benefit From Exercise

It is a great accomplishment to survive cancer and the main priority for most cancer survivors is to keep the cancer from returning. Current research points to the fact that exercise can benefit cancer patients.

If you have traveled down the long road of cancer treatments for any type of cancer including but not limited to colon cancer, breast cancer, or even a rare and aggressive disease like mesothelioma, or any other type of cancer, you are probably searching for ways that can help you stay healthy. Exercise for cancer patients has been shown by research to help cancer patients create a longer life expectancy when there is a grim prognosis, and even helps the body fight the chance of recurrence if they have already pushed the disease away. In several different studies, it has been proven that being unfit and lethargic after completing treatment was linked to a higher risk of the cancer returning and a shorter survival time.

The benefits of exercise are highly stressed for the normal population, but it is not as well known that cancer survivors can experience many of the same benefits. The benefits towards one’s body include less weight gain, leaner body mass, and greater muscle strength, but the real benefits have to do with the regained energy one receives and lower stress levels they have. Whether one is going through treatment or recently completed it Physical fitness can help gain these energy levels back that are usually sucked out of the body from the treatments.

The research has shown that people who have been diagnosed with cancer tend to slow down. This is attributed to depression, stress, and feeling fatigued from cancer and the treatments. It is extremely understandable to be having these feelings but it is counterproductive to not take a stand against them. It is recommended that cancer patients start exercising as soon as possible after their diagnosis and treatment. In other words, if you have slowed your physical activity after your cancer diagnosis, now is the time to rev your engine.

According to the National Cancer Institute, the American Cancer Society recommends 30 to 60 minutes of exercise five times a week to receive the maximum benefits for reducing your risk of reoccurrence and raising your chances to beat this disease.  The types of exercise recommended are flexibility exercises to keep you mobile, aerobic exercises for cardiovascular health, and resistance training to build muscle.  Everyone is at different levels of exercise and if you are at a low level to start just taking a walk can go a long way to relieve some of the stress involved with this awful disease.

By: David Haas

Teal is on the horizon, wear teal on Sept 2, 2011

http://www.unitedstatesofteal.org/take-action/

Time	Friday, September 2 · 12:00am - 11:30pm
Location	Across the United States
Created By	Ovarian Cancer National Alliance
More Info	Teal is the color of ovarian cancer awareness. On the first Friday in September, our national ovarian cancer awareness month, we urge everyone who cares about this disease to wear teal--and tell others why you are dressed in this color. This year, we're adding a social media component to Wear Teal Day. Please post photos of yourself decked out in teal on Facebook, and tag the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance. We want to create an album of women and men in teal from coast to coast.

chemo brain creates headache at work

As you may know, I have memory problems and get rattled with too much info too fast.  I have a job that does not provide me printed references because I work in a completely virtual world.  I am working with the assistance of DVR and a community neuro rehab therapist to help me retain my job and assist with accommodation requests.

My employer is aware that I have some cognitive challenges.  Well, I made a mistke tonight, didn't realize the gravity of the mistake and that it was such a big mistake. I am so upset.  I just can't remember everything and they don't give me enough time to re-read policies.  I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

For $12 per hour. 

It's a golden job opportunity with a great company, but I can't do well because I can't keep up with all the restrictions and limits associated with not being allowed to have printed material in my work from 

home setting.

Just feeling zinged.  I am trying so so hard to be a good employee.  I feel demeaned and stupid.

How can anyone memorize hundreds of pages of policies?  And I can't navigate the computer quickly enough on my small screen.  I am requesting a larger monitor so I can have multiple windows open, so that I can keep the policy references up and ready to access.  Seems logical right?

Just frustrated.  I still have a 7mm stable tumor on my liver.  Great to think I'll spend the rest of my life in low paying jobs constantly getting in trouble because I have a bad memory.  Fine.

Sorry, all I can think about is that I'm going to get fired now.

Great, just what I need.

Love All Life

Yesterday I was showered with grief over a crow that was dying in the street.  I was on my way to the pain clinic when I noticed a crowd of crows squawking and flapping their wings.  Inside this circle of black birds was a suffering, bleeding crow, flapping around, moaning with agony.  I pulled over, grabbed a towel from my trunk and gently scooped up the poor little soul to carefully rest him on the grass.  I said a little prayer and started to cry.

I looked into it's eyes and I could see it begging me to help him, and I could do nothing. He was almost gone. The other birds all gathered up along the telephone wire, continued their songs of fear and desperation, to help their friend.  It appeared that a car may have clipped this little guys wings, and rendered it to pass along with God.  I don't know.  It was just overwhelming.  

I suppose I should have called someone to take the bird away, but really I was too upset to do anything other than ponder how quickly life changes, zap, in an instant it's gone.

Like the poor people at the Sugarland concert in Indiana, suddenly, no warning, they passed to a new level of existence.  Just so tragic.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my new job is to assist people with their emotions related to upsets over "stuff" missing, late, lost, etc.  Help them solve the problem  so they can do the important things in life.  I am so appreciative of my job, I just don't understand though why people put so much stock in stuff.

Why get so upset over stuff?  It's stuff.  It's not alive, it has no soul. Save your anger to defend the homeless man who is beaten to death.  Save your frustration to fight hunger.  Save your angst to give energy to help your neighbor.  Just a thought.

Below are a few articles on some new and non-traditional medical interventions to treat cancer.  

The article about a chemo bath is quite intriguing, and I wish I'd received a chemo bath when I was receiving my debulking surgery.  I remember distinctly speaking with a dear friend about this very thing, not knowing that the treatment was being studied. I said "why didn't they just spray a bunch of chemo inside my abdominal cavity while I was in surgery"?  I mean, seriously!

I was already going to be in severe pain. Oh well.  It just goes to show you how important it is for us patients to do research before surgery, if at all possible.  Patient be aware!  

http://www.10news.com/news/28853209/detail.html

http://edmonton.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20110817/EDM_cancer_110817/20110817/?hub=EdmontonHome

I know my post is kind of all over the place, but I had to talk about the poor little crow.  When you look deeply into any animals eyes, you see "them" their spirit.  Love all life!

Peace and Blessings

Denise

30 Years Ago: The Day the Middle Class Died | Common Dreams

30 Years Ago: The Day the Middle Class Died | Common Dreams

Take your life back. If the healthcare reform platform fails, we all will greatly suffer. Think seriously about this. I saw on CNN today that there has been a 70% increase in food stamps in the past 7-8 years!!!! Our country is not going to get better if hardcore republicans take back the White House. They want to take away the last remnants of any programs and policies that help the average person live a happy and plentiful life, meaning, the basics.

For those of us who have or are currently facing cancer treatment and/or managing side effects of our surgeries and treatments, disaster looms.

Every person deserves to live a decent life, around the world. We are going backwards!

Please think about this when you start to ponder your election choices. I am defending the President, and will vote to keep him in office. He needs to retain his leadership position, to remain an advocate who understands that we all deserve equal access to healthcare that is affordable.

I know the healthcare reform legislation is not perfect, but it is a starting point. Personally I would have preferred a single payer system, nationally available to all people who live in the United States. I just don't believe in "for profit" health care, but that's just me.

Protect your right to healthcare. Protect the rights of your children, their children, their children's children.

The Uber-wealthy can contribute more, and they should. N'uff said.

Peace

Update post chemoville

This is me before chemo in October 2009. Since then I've been bald and have grown

 super curly grey locks.  To color or not to color......still deciding.

I am finally scheduled to meet with the pain clinic next week to help me manage the never ending abdominal pain.  This pain has become much more evident as I've started working from home.  It hurts to force sitting for extended periods. I don't have as much flexibility with my WFH job as I'd hoped, and will just have to do the best I can.  I have a golden opportunity if I can just hang on and keep up with the rest of the group.

The good news is that I may get some help paying for some ergo designed keyboard, monitor and may set up space so that I can stand and work when needed.  

We'll see, so much effort to earn less than I earned in 2006.  Oh well, what can I do, I'm so lucky to have this new job.  Have to do what it takes.  I just hope I remember things....yikes!

It hurts to sit for a long time and wear a bra or anything crossing across my waist.  I find myself wearing little sundresses a lot, thank goodness it's warm.  But this cannot continue.  There's no way I could show up for an office meeting in a moo moo, or whatever.

I'm just so tired, catching  up on paperwork and calls to doctors that I missed over the past three weeks.  I need to reschedule a mammogram for my BRCA1 mut+ follow up.  And, my mom has been warrior woman battling the woes of dialysis.  Any advice???

Last week my sister took her, this week I take her.  It's like a part time job for mom and very stressful, long days.  Somehow I believe God will give us all the strength to get through.  She has been through the wringer.

Now that I have a part time job, I can focus on increasing my life's stability, and be more valuable to others.

Cancer greatly reduced my "market value' in terms of being a regular employee, but it has increased my community value, which is where I need to focus my energy. My priest even told me to use my cancer to help others with cancer. I must stay on this track, that is where I provide the best value.

Once I'm a little more stable, I'd like to create a non-profit that fills a niche area of need within the ovarian cancer community.  I know I can be successful, once I determine the needs and my best skills and resources.  Now is the time, now is the moment.

Pressure is on to move into my own residence, which I hope works out to be sustainable.  After 9 months of trial work period, I will probably stop receiving my benefits, and I'll be back to square one in terms of low income again.  So I'll need to plan a way to prevent problems there.....so much to consider.

My job is time-intensive, lots of pressure. It's like running everywhere, never walking.  I'm not sure I can hold up.........Lord help me stay afloat and not get demerits..........please. Seriously, I hope I make it.

I don't know what is going to happen in the near future, so my goal is just to keep my job, help my mom, be there for God and family, go on a few dates with "J" and stay positive.

I am so lucky to be breathing........Thank you God.

Peace and Blessings to all

training day gone bad

I am finally able to take a few minutes to say hello to everyone and provide an update on venturing back into the work world.  I'm exhausted and feeling pressure from everywhere.  I had no idea that working with my new employer would be so hard.  I applied for a work from home customer service job.

Imagine standing in a swamp and just off into the distance is a heavenly garden, with little bunnies and deer, puppies, kitties and children laughing and playing.  Everyone and all things are beautiful and peaceful, happy.  But  you are standing in a swampland and the only way to get there is venture through the gators and cling to vines.

If I am able to survive training and keep this job with all it's restrictions, I will have a golden job.  My actual job is only part time, but the training has been full time and it's been very intense.

I woke up on Saturday morning and my knuckles on my right hand were all swollen from all the typing, which  I hope will  NOT be the case if I get a modified keyboard, and will be on part time hours.

I can't remember all the stuff I need to for training and need more time.  I may have a hard time keeping up with their attendance requirements because of my disability.  It's so so so strict, and for them, there is a good reason, it just sucks for me.  All I can do is ask for accommodations and hope they accept.

My gut says this company loves it's employees.  I just have to keep the faith that I am here for a reason and that whatever happens is intended to happen, even if the result is job loss and looking for new work.

I just had no idea what I was walking in to.  I thought it was going to be easy going.  Boy was I wrong.  I just wish I'd have know about all these restrictions before I applied, I would have probably never applied.

So I am going to continue to give it all I can.  I remember when I was in college and I was learning neuro-anatomy, that was easier than this new learning.  I have never worked for a company that did not provide written training, ever in my life.  I hope I make it and I don't drown.

On another note, my mom has started hemo-dialysis.  Her life is upside down and she needs prayers.  Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for her.  I love her so much!

Peace,

Denise

Disclosure of a Dsability

As many of you know, I have been fiercely seeking a job, no easy task in this economy, add cancer and rheumatoid arthritis, a two year gap in the resume, and well................I was surprised and am excited to say that I have found a part-time job.  Yay.

I do not plan to ever name my employer, for obvious reasons.  I love the company and hope everything works great.  I get to work from home, which is needed.  Our training is full time and on the first day of training I was sent to the ER from the office because I got dehydrated, sicker than ever.  Not a good way to start off a new job.

I'm having some challenges keeping up with the training, and hope some requests made for easy accommodations work.

I hope that the company uses me to better their ability to hire others with disabilities, and let me be a positive resource.

I'm really tired, just wanted to share the good news.  I pray I am able to keep it.

Peace,

Denise

He invites, it's up to us to respond

I met with my priest yesterday to talk about my shortcomings and how I feel that I am failing God.  I won't give details, except my worries were about my pains and my new boyfriend.  I had promised God that I would serve him in whatever capacity presented of His choosing, because He has left me here for a bit longer.

I was blessed in so many ways with great cancer care day of diagnosis and chemo.  My follow-up is wonderful and I have confidence in my medical team. My family is the ultimate blessing, in ways that cannot be measured. My sister and mom have made ongoing sacrifices, an aunt lends a tender ear.  My brother there to step in on a moment's notice.  My uncle, aunt and cousin calling every week while in chemo.  My dad calling every week. And countless other family and friends.  I feel undeserving.  All Catholics understand this. Yesterday I received a new perspective, the gift of a new light to shine on my life. Taking away that ongoing guilt that hangs and lingers.

It has been presented before by another friend blogger of mine, and here is what the Father said to me.  Cancer being brought by our Lord is a gift.  Not as in "oh lucky me, look what I have".  It is a gift that should be shared with others, to help others with the same fear find comfort in my strength and healing.  And to share how my faith in God, relentless prayer and constant search for His presence kept me always hoping and believing that I would be alright.  He suggested that I become even more active in helping others with cancer.  I have always felt this to be my calling, but exactly how remains the question.

I currently help women who are members of an online ovarian cancer community, but know I can do more.

Now that God has blessed me with a part-time job (not official until the paperwork is signed), I will have the ability to base my energies around that focal point, church and my dear mom. (Mom starting dialysis and it's been an awful struggle, sigh.  Please send prayers).

I believe that once the job training is complete and I have a sort of "routine", I can create more energy to be on God's purpose line.  I have creative ideas, and plan that this will be valuable and beneficial for women with ovarian cancer.  

So we are all invited to join with God, respond to His call and make a better world, but not all do.  I am not to judge who does and does not, for judgement is up to God.  We are all mere mortals doing the best we can, but if we reach out to God and ask for help, we can get what we need.  Sometimes what we need is not what we want or think we want....................always a frustration.

Please have faith.  Trust in God.  I do.  I love my family and friends so much.  Please pray for mom that her doctors guide her intelligently, treat her with great care and that she begins to heal and feel better as she travels the road of dialysis.

Peace and Blessings to you all.

More on brain drain

I can't disclose the source of results for further cognitive testing, but I do have some real problems with my memory.  I had another battery of tests a few weeks ago, and the results are interesting to me.  It's very difficult to explain the gravity of the consequences of this "chemo brain" stuff, but let's just say that I have a whole new appreciation for what once was my persona.

The tests showed that I have fairly good concentration now, but new information kind of disappears into nowhere land.  Not ALL new information of course, but generally new information is hard to recall.  So important events, appointments, recalling things I did last week or even a few days ago, just kind of get all gelled together or lost.

I have started keeping a journal of what I do each day, in terms of activity.  Except I forgot to write in it for the last two days...............HA!

The other thing is that I do have trouble verbalizing my thoughts sometimes, can't generate the "right" word when I'm talking with someone.  It takes me more time to process information, and I can see that for other people this is frustrating.  Sometimes I stutter.  I never stuttered before cancer.

I have had emotional upsets and conflicts with other people at times because I've said the wrong thing, or used poor judgement in a social situation.  I'm poorly understood.  I feel like hiding now, but I won't.  I can't do anything right and still feel like a failure sometimes.

But I am much more hopeful than ever before......I just have to keep on moving, keep going forward.  We all do, for what choice do we have.  Yesterday is gone.

These refined results are good for me to know because I can do more specific things to compensate for my problems.  I get overwhelmed with too many things to do at once..........................blah.

Like today I have a pile of folders that contain "to do" and "job search" etc.  The process of looking for a job, keeping track of my applications, resume submissions, follow-up letters, doing Excel training, looking online for jobs, etc is just a LOT.  I'm finding it takes FOREVER to look around on the net, create my little tickler system, respond to questions etc.  Wow, I can't wait til I actually find work.

I have had four requests for interviews!  Yay.  I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm praying one turns out to be a winner.  I will feel blessed with whatever comes my way.

I have decided to fully disclose my cancer and rheumatoid arthritis to all potential employers.  I have no other way to explain the gap in my resume and my scattered work history.  I'm tired of hiding my disability.

I want to work for someone who actually accepts me in total, no resentment. 

Some of the inquiries are with companies that allow people to work from home.  Fantastic!!!!

I just hope I'l be able to keep up.  I am going on an interview next week for a full time job, in the hopes that maybe they would consider part time.  Not likely, but the job itself would be rewarding. 

One of the other options requires 40 hours week of training for three weeks, for a part time job.   I would really love that job too..............but I am worried that I won't handle the training well.  I mean, that will be really difficult for me to do.  Ugh.....but I have to do it.  I need to push through.

Mom starts dialysis next week, and we have training classes.  I pray deeply that her energy improves with dialysis.  We are going to have some fun tonight, to get her mind off the upcoming change in her life.  This is a big deal, a complete change in lifestyle...........please keep her in your prayers.

My sister has a birthday tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yay.  Happy birthday Mandy.  I love you.

Peace and Blessings