Sunday, July 17, 2011
He invites, it's up to us to respond
I met with my priest yesterday to talk about my shortcomings and how I feel that I am failing God. I won't give details, except my worries were about my pains and my new boyfriend. I had promised God that I would serve him in whatever capacity presented of His choosing, because He has left me here for a bit longer.
I was blessed in so many ways with great cancer care day of diagnosis and chemo. My follow-up is wonderful and I have confidence in my medical team. My family is the ultimate blessing, in ways that cannot be measured. My sister and mom have made ongoing sacrifices, an aunt lends a tender ear. My brother there to step in on a moment's notice. My uncle, aunt and cousin calling every week while in chemo. My dad calling every week. And countless other family and friends. I feel undeserving. All Catholics understand this. Yesterday I received a new perspective, the gift of a new light to shine on my life. Taking away that ongoing guilt that hangs and lingers.
It has been presented before by another friend blogger of mine, and here is what the Father said to me. Cancer being brought by our Lord is a gift. Not as in "oh lucky me, look what I have". It is a gift that should be shared with others, to help others with the same fear find comfort in my strength and healing. And to share how my faith in God, relentless prayer and constant search for His presence kept me always hoping and believing that I would be alright. He suggested that I become even more active in helping others with cancer. I have always felt this to be my calling, but exactly how remains the question.
I currently help women who are members of an online ovarian cancer community, but know I can do more.
Now that God has blessed me with a part-time job (not official until the paperwork is signed), I will have the ability to base my energies around that focal point, church and my dear mom. (Mom starting dialysis and it's been an awful struggle, sigh. Please send prayers).
I believe that once the job training is complete and I have a sort of "routine", I can create more energy to be on God's purpose line. I have creative ideas, and plan that this will be valuable and beneficial for women with ovarian cancer.
So we are all invited to join with God, respond to His call and make a better world, but not all do. I am not to judge who does and does not, for judgement is up to God. We are all mere mortals doing the best we can, but if we reach out to God and ask for help, we can get what we need. Sometimes what we need is not what we want or think we want....................always a frustration.
Please have faith. Trust in God. I do. I love my family and friends so much. Please pray for mom that her doctors guide her intelligently, treat her with great care and that she begins to heal and feel better as she travels the road of dialysis.
Peace and Blessings to you all.