CDC Symptom Diary Card

Friday, April 03, 2015

The Rosary That Heals Me and the Chaplet Of The Divine Mercy

Some of you may recall that in the days following my radical hysterectomy I draped my rosaries across my abdomen and scars.  I used all that I could find, sleeping with them and praying for relief from my pain and fear of dying. My family was very respectful of this and for that I am so very grateful.

Today is Good Friday, the most solemn day of the year. We witness the death of Jesus and remain with Him during his suffering and death. It marks the beginning of what is called a Novena, nine days of prayer, of praying The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.

In case you are in need of prayer, healing or simply curious about this most blessed chaplet, here is a link to this prayer in song. Opening prayer precedes this most beautiful song of prayer.




This rosary belonged to my great grandmother, mother of my grandma, Candelaria.  When grandma passed away it was in the care of my aunt Sadie.  Before my aunt passed away, she gave it to me. This rosary is connected to my heart and soul and will remain in our family forever.

Peace and blessings to you on this most blessed day and may the healing spirit of Christ be with you now.

Love,

Serviorgirl

Monday, March 30, 2015

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Angelina Jolie Shares Her Second Surgery With The New York Times

Angelina Jolie has stepped forward for a second time sharing her experience with doing everything she can to prevent cancer.  This time she journals of her heartfelt decision to try and prevent ovarian cancer.  Please select this link from the New York Times and share it with those you love.

Her words speak reality, uncertainty and hope.

I am one of thousands of grateful women who thank her for raising awareness of ovarian cancer and how we can strive to prevent it. 

God Bless Angelina.


http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/24/opinion/angelina-jolie-pitt-diary-of-a-surgery.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000


FOR BRCA EDUCATION AND SUPPORT:
http://www.penncancer.org/basser/
www.facingourrisk.org

Here are more links from news media about Angelina Jolie's decision:

KLG and Hoda on the Today Show
http://m.today.com/klgandhoda/klg-angelinas-decision-surgery-personal-brave-2D80565927

Time,com
http://time.com/3756167/angelina-jolie-ovaries-removed-cancer/

NBC News
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/angelina-jolie-has-ovaries-removed-stop-cancer-begins-menopause-n329031

Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/24/angelina-jolie-ovaries-surgery_n_6928748.html

BBC News
http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-32030154

CNN
http://www.cnn.com/videos/health/2015/03/24/mxp-sot-angelina-jolie-ovaries-removed-questions.hln


Peace and Blessings

Servivorgirl

Sunday, March 15, 2015

I Didn't Know I Loved Gorillas So Much

Tonight something entirely unexpected happened after watching a "60 Minutes" segment, I knelt down on my knees sobbing.  It wasn't just one of those short hard cries that somehow finds a way to end with a giggle or sigh of relief.  No, this was one of those deeply sorrowful tearful, painful, agonizing moments when no solace could be found, except through God.

My cat doesn't know what to do during these rare moments because I cry out loud and can't breathe. It reminded me of the kind of crying that comes when someone you love dies.  I got shocked when I saw my red bleary eyed face in the mirror as I went to grab a tissue. Marilyn was probably hiding under the bed, poor kitty.

How did this evolve, you way wonder.  It was just a normal evening. I had turned on the television and found an episode already streaming on "60 Minutes" about a man who wants to save all the animals in captivity. Wonderful.  His name is Damian Aspinall.  Mind you, the segment had already begun playing and the images I saw were amazing.  I had missed the introductions. 

This man is frolicking with apes and playing with tigers.  Wow. I hear about his mission to end all zoos, including his, and I think "Fabulous"! Truly it is a Godly gift that any human can play with gorillas and live to tell about it.  This man is very special, I am thinking.

We see him teaching gorillas to live in the jungle after being in captivity.  Then this man takes them to a private island where these Godly creatures live freely and are safe. Upon his return, the gorillas are happy to see him, one especially.  The one gorilla loved this man so much he literally would not let him go. I am grinning from ear to ear, my heart is warm and fuzzy. 

Then we see this man has started, but not finished a bridge.  This bridge is the bridge to the real wild. It would allow the gorillas to leave this safe island haven of freedom in Africa. We are told that if they cross this bridge the gorillas will no longer be safe, they might die.  

I do not have the answers but I do know what isn't right.  Those gorillas loved him!  They trusted him and he let them walk the plank.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/zoo-gorilla-family-freed-to-wild-60-minutes/


Dear Damian Aspinall,

Please no longer release the animals that love you, that trust you, into the wild.  Allow them to remain living with joy on your family estate in Africa and pledge your resources to stop animal cruelty and poaching.

Your ideal of closing all zoos is admirable. I pray you have learned that your beloved Gorillas need you to keep them safe on your island sanctuary.  You were given an exceptional gift from God that allows large wild animals to trust and love you.  Please honor that love and trust.

Love, 
Servivorgirl

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Cancer.net Mobile APP

How are you today?

I was doing some research on organizing tips, such as for medical records, and I found this great APP from Cancer.Net!  Where was this when I was in front line chemo?  HA

I highly recommend that you take a look at this, whether you are a caregiver or a patient.

It is a repository of sorts for tracking symptoms and side effects of treatments, medications, notes and issues related to your condition and a resource with links to important resources within the Cancer.Net website.

I remember back in 2010 that it was a nightmare keeping logs, lists of meds, notes for doctors and finding resources. It was a job in the most literal sense to manage having cancer.  This APP could have saved me and my family a lot of extra stress, time and effort.

http://www.cancer.net/navigating-cancer-care/managing-your-care/mobile-applications

I am creating my symptoms tracker. This tool has common symptoms pre-loaded for selection and you can customize symptoms as well. I believe I will need to set reminders to go through them at the same time each evening and rate them, until this becomes a habit.  I have promised some people that I will report how this APP helps me.

I am a little excited about this because having these details readily available to your oncology nurse and doctor could greatly improve your overall treatment experience.  Especially at times when we are really tired and suffering, putting the symptoms into words can be difficult.   I hope you find this helpful.

Peace and blessings

Servivorgirl

Saturday, March 07, 2015

Women With Cancer Retreat at OLCC

Women with Cancer:  Spiritual Exercises and Prayer Retreat






Dear Child of God, 

May the peace of Christ reign in your heart.  This is an invitation to attend a Women with Cancer: Spiritual Exercises Silent Retreat this fall at Our Lady of Corpus Christi Retreat Center.  We hope that 22 women from across the United States will make this retreat to grow in faith and love of God and to experience His  Healing Grace.  We encourage you to consider joining us for this year’s retreat Thursday September 17 through Sunday September 20 of 2015.

Our Lady of Corpus Christi offers you a place of peace, of silence and of prayer.  Our Lady’s Retreat House is equipped with 22 private rooms with private bathrooms. While on retreat, you may want to spend time with the Lord in our quiet and intimate chapel in Our Lady’s Retreat House or take a short walk to our Perpetual Adoration Chapel, “the Blue Dome”, where our Lord is exposed in the Blessed Sacrament 24 hours a day.  Our Lady of Corpus Christi has 60 acres of grounds to explore, and a peaceful meditation garden to immerse yourself in God’s Creation; to rest, reflect and pray.

Except for participating in Mass, talks and other events, at Our Lady of Corpus Christi you experience the beauty of silence.  There is plenty of free time to rest, relax and listen to the Voice of God speaking to your heart, through silence. There are no TV’s, telephones, or any other type of media to distract us from our Creator.  You are asked to set aside all your thoughts related to your job, your family, and anything else that would prevent you from opening yourself up to Jesus. 

Mass is offered each day, and priests are available for confession and spiritual direction throughout the retreat.  The talks presented throughout the weekend will be based in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, but will have an emphasis on healing for women with cancer.  The retreat will be led by Sr. Anne Marie Walsh, SOLT, a religious sister of the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity. Sr. Anne Marie is a breast and women’s cancer survivor three times over and has experienced first hand a woman's struggle with cancer, and the Healing Grace of God.  Three excellent, home cooked meals are served each day and ample snacks provided for time in between.  

The Women with Cancer: Spiritual Exercises Silent Retreat can be a powerful, life changing experience.  When we open ourselves up to God’s grace, His generosity will astound us.  He longs to pour his love, peace and joy into our souls! This retreat is an opportunity to relax and renew your mind, body and soul, and go deeper in your relationship with God.  

Please consider this letter as a personal invitation and contact one of our Retreat Captain concerning attendance at Our Lady of Corpus Christi Retreat Center.  Space is limited to 22 women.  If you would like to reserve a room please contact one of our Retreat Captains, who is listed below.  You may register by filling out the Retreat Registration Form via our retreat website:

To register, please select from the dropdown menu and you will se the link for women with cancer at http://www.deepprayer.org


May God bless you and your family abundantly.  
In Jesus through His mother,
Denise Archuleta
Our Lady of Corpus Christi Retreat Captain
servivorgirl@gmail.com

Friday, February 20, 2015

Are Products Labeled "BPA-Free" Safer? " By Brenda Goodman, MA Published by Web MD

Hello Everyone,

I read an interesting article today, and I hope you read it too.

Caustic Plastics: I think that I am going to rid my entire apartment of the plastic I can see.  

The dilemna here is our food is stored in plastics, it's everywhere.  Our busy lifestyles make it difficult to make food from scratch.  You go to buy shoes, bags, furniture, gadgets, electronic devices, toys, cars etc. and they are loaded with plastics.   This is especially dangerous for growing kids and teens I believe.

When I was a child we didn't have a lot of toys and we played outside.  Our time was spent on the grass, om a bike, in a tree, on the sidewalk, or on the floor.  Our toys were jump ropes, jax, cards, playing house or store and using blankets to make tents.  Hopscotch, tag, hide and seek, looking for 4 leaf clovers, turning clouds into horses and magic animals in the sky.  Hula hoops and the "The Game of Life" were a few of my favorites.

Oh and of course Lincoln Logs..........  We used our imagination.  Wow we had so much freedom as children back then.  I wish children had the same freedom today.

When mom cooked we really had not too many leftovers to store.  I remember a lot of corning ware and real glassware in the house.  Sigh, times have changed.

Please read and share the article with your friends and family.  Peace and Blessings to you.


Article posted in:

WebMD


Are Products Labeled 'BPA-Free' Safer?
By Brenda Goodman, MAReviewed by Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD,MPH
Feb. 3, 2015 -- Are goods labeled “BPA-free” healthier? Maybe not. Two new studies found that some chemicals replacing BPA in plastics, food packaging, and other products might also disrupt hormones, changing how the brain works and affecting fertility..................


"Recent studies have suggested that bisphenol-S, which is sometimes used in plastics labeled “BPA-free,” might have some of the same effects in the body as bisphenol-A. What's the concern?"

"Vandenberg: The concern is that these chemicals might mimic the actions of the hormone estrogen, disrupting development of the male and female reproductive tracts, the mammary gland, and the brain, among other things."

READ COMPLETE ARTICLE BY LINKING TO: 

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Retreat Update and Giving

Hello Everyone,

First off I have very good news about our upcoming healing retreat. Our scheduled dates are from September 17, 2015 through September 20, 2015.  It gives me a nice burst of energy to write this post.

I have spoken with Sr. Laudem several times and I should have formal registration forms soon.  

I will broadcast the complete information, including registration links, as soon as I receive them.  

Please see the post "An Oasis of Hope and Love: The OLCC Retreat Center" dated 01-29-15 for more information about this special event.  

I have a CT scan coming up tomorrow afternoon.  There is a new pain on my right side. Since this could be due to any number of issues my goal is to maintain a balanced in attitude.  

A balanced attitude is a reasonable expectation, I think.  It says "I will allow myself to experience the range of appropriate emotions while I gather my thoughts, pray on it and then do something".  I feel like a professional CT scanee...ha.  I feel strong because I have faith.

I am drifting over to the subject of balance because the season of Lent is here.  For those who observe this season, it is the time to draw nearer to God by prayer, fasting, pennance and almsgiving.

Almsgiving provides each of us, healthy and unhealthy alike, ways unify with our family of neighbors.  As we renew our faith in God, we renew our spirit while helping others.  This gives us balance and can be very rejuvinating.

If you are healthy try to find some time to help a local charity or a neighbor in need.  If you are not well you can give by praying or making a small donation to charity. Maybe you have items that are in good condition and with a little help, they can be donated. 

Give to the homeless, if nothing else, a big smile.  Give them some cheer.  Try not to judge why they are in the condition presented. They need hope and our smiles, our reach, our hand releases them from alienation.

It feels good to give.  

Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl


Lord help me
to remember
that nothing
is going to happen
to me today
that You and I
together can't handle.


Amen.





Friday, February 06, 2015

N.E.D. The Movie Event Review

I hope you were able to attend the screening of N.E.D. The Movie yesterday, World Cancer Day.  This heartfelt documentary tells the story of gynecology oncology surgeons, and musicians, who dedicate themselves to educating people about gynecological cancers.  They love their patients and love performing their music, using their venue to raise awareness of ovarian cancer.

As a woman who was told that I was too young to have ovarian cancer, when I actually did have it, I fully appreciated the significance and importance of this movie and their mission.  I think these humble surgeons are amazing people, selfless in their cause.

Dr. Barbara Goff, of UWMC and SCCA in Seattle Washington, spoke after the screening.  She was kind, informative and encouraging.  She spoke of advances in treatment protocols and told us the history of how a small donation led her team to the compilation of important research that supports the symptom checklist that we use today.

Dr. Goff stated that the most important take-away from this event was that the parents of boys and girls need to understand the importance of the HPV vaccination.  The reduction of future cancers is staggering when the vaccine is given.

I thank God every day for my time on earth and pray that more and more people see this documentary. The conversation about cancer is never easy and that is especially true when it comes to women's cancers.  The truth is that all women need to know the basic symptoms of these cancers.

Here is the link to N.E.D. The Movie's storywall:

http://www.nedthemovie.com/story-wall/

Peace and Blessings
Servivorgirl

P.S.   I am in the process of scheduling our special retreat at The OLCC Retreat Center.




Wednesday, January 28, 2015

An Oasis Of Hope and Love: The OLCC Retreat Center

felt love in a way so different than ever before as a result of my recent retreat experience. Complete love in that we are all children of God.  I felt safe. This was the place for me. Father Dan was abundant with love for each of us.  His story-telling and presence made this journey real because he is genuine and shares with sincerity and humor.  Thank you Father Dan.

I arrived in Corpus Christi as a woman in need of healing. Not just physical healing, but spiritual healing.  I love God, I always have. Every day I have said my prayers and counted my blessings. I also have known that my soul is deeply bruised and my goal to leave this earthly life in full peace with God, my family and friends cannot be met unless I do more.

The serene campus’ focal point, a stunning blue dome, sits atop the Our Lady of Corpus Christi chapel. The gold stars on the dome reflect the vision of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Inside this most beautiful mission style church you can view elegant works of art and the Perpetual Adoration chapel. 

I did not need to be concerned with meeting my basic needs, they take care of that for you. Healthy meals, with my dietary needs, were prepared with love. I stayed in a private room with a private bath. They even transported me to and from the airport. These simple luxuries are provided to us so that we concern ourselves only with healing, prayer and growing closer to God.  Our team leader gently and with great care attended to every question and need.  

You are wondering what I accomplished, what did I learn?  Each individual receives their own rewards.  I will share mine, but to see my face and hear what I have to say would be a better reflection as to the depth of this journey.

I feel so much peace and have not stopped humming.  I want to be with peace for others.  In the world of cancer, this alone can change your life. We suffer so much pain, anxiety, and fear and this circulates around us, impacting the ones we love.  Having a deeper sense of peace will bring people closer to us.  It breaks down communication barriers with doctors and helps family and friends feel more at ease with our discomfort. I will have much more strength for when things turn for me.

It was also revealed to me that several things were interfering with my relationship with God. I was relieved of that burden, I am lighter. Moving forward is now easier.

I can see God, Jesus, in others much more clearly. By seeing God in others we are more loving, even in a state of bodily chaos, our hearts can shine.  I have written about this before and have strived to do this, but had not always been successful.  I feel confident that I will remain able to see God in others, even in the worst times.

On my last evening I was adoring the Blessed Virgin Mary.  The church's entryway has a beautiful statue of Our Lady Mother Mary. As I rested in awe of her, I witnessed for a brief second, her eyes look upon me with mercy.  This may sound ridiculous but trust me, it is true.  I trust in her. I trust in God. It was a very special gift given to me, to share with you.

We are not alone in our battle with cancer. God is with us and wants for us to find and keep His love.  For our journey will not end when we leave this earthly life.  He offers us great comfort.

I want for YOU to feel His comfort in any way possible. I hope you know that I am sincere.

I would like you to send me an email if you are interested in attending a custom retreat for women with cancer, ovarian cancer especially.

I am talking with Sister Laudem Gloriae and Father Dan as to the details. I know of one woman who already who wants to attend.

You do not have to be a Catholic. A donation in leiu of a fee is requested but not required. They do not wish for money to be a barrier.

The OLCC Retreat Center offers a place of hope, peace and love.

You are welcome to attend any of the already scheduled retreats, but if you want to go as part of our special group, please email me as soon as possible.

My email address is servivorgirl@gmail.com and put “OLCC Retreat” in the subject line.

Please make sure you are OK to travel with your doctor.  I am happy to reply to your questions as well.

Here is the link to the retreat: http://www.deepprayer.org

Peace and Blessings from Servivorgirl











Friday, January 16, 2015

100,000 VIEWS Thanks To You


I don't even know what to say.  I am very humbled that this little blog has created such a strong interest.  To be honest, I am stunned. This makes me very happy.

I went back and read a post from May of 2012 at a time when I was in carboplatin desensitization treatment.  I was not a happy camper. Today I am here, not in THAT condition, but much healthier and much happier.

I have no real executive plan or outline as to the content for my blog.

I write about what is important at the moment because that is how life with cancer or any other severe illness runs.  Often times we just live the best we can moment by moment and every plan has a "plan B".

I thank God for all the loving people in my life and I pray for your health and happiness.

Thank you for following along beside me for without you I would not be here.

Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl

Sunday, January 11, 2015

"NED The Movie" Across America February 4th 2015: WORLD CANCER DAY

What are you doing February 4th, 2015 on World Cancer Day?

All across America, on this special day, Regal Cinema will host screenings of "N.E.D. The Movie".  I have never witnessed a nationwide event like this in the history of ovarian cancer awareness. This is truly something special.

In addition, people in the city of Seattle will have the opportunity to see Dr. Barbara Goff.  Dr. Barbara Goff is a highly accomplished leader in the field of gynecology oncology and will answer questions after the screening in Seattle.  I am very excited about this event.

I have seen this truly inspiring and uplifting film. Their music is awesome.  

This is your chance to see the incredible impact these gynecology oncology surgeons have by using their music to raise awareness of this issue.  See how they save womens lives using their surgical skills. 

They empower all of us by dedicating their time, not only to saving women in the physical sense, but by bringing people together with their music to educate and raise awareness of ovarian cancer.

I also see this event as a vehicle to bridge gaps in understanding between women with ovarian cancer and the loved ones in her life.  

Please click on the links below to find a show at a Regal Cinema near you on February 4th, 2015.

http://www.nedthemovie.com/regal       (Fandango website does require a registration for notifications as to when tickets are available for purchase.)

Meet Dr. Barbara Goff: http://www.seattlecca.org/doctor/barbara-a-goff.cfm




I will see you in Seattle on February 4th, 2015!

Peace and Blessings

Servivorgirl

Friday, January 09, 2015

Saying Goodbye To Anger

Welome to 2015!

To be honest, I feel like it is already February.  The first 9 days of 2015 have been packed full with major decisions, fluctuations in my state of health, being magnetized by and consumed with finishing the Bible and being true to my calling, as best I can be. With all this I have not had the energy keep up with the level of watch over the ovarian cancer community like I would prefer.

So as I write this I am deflated, sad, because I just learned that a 17 year old young woman has died from ovarian cancer.  #SamStrong May she rest in peace.

Before I learned of her death my original intention was to do a post about cancer and dental care.  I wanted to keep the first post of 2015 simple. There is just too much to mention so I will sum that portion of this post up by saying this:  "Google Biofilm and follow the recommendations to keep biofilm at bay".  Your teeth wil love you. 

Spiritual care is of course much more involved.

In the next few weeks I will be attending a 3 day spiritual retreat of silence and prayer.  As God has offered ways for me to keep helping other people I find that I am more and more inspired to learn as much as I can about Love from God and His Mercy. I thought I had understood this, but I had not.

I did not know the young woman who left her family and friends so early but there must have been a deeply rooted feeling of brotherly love within her circle.  If you search #SamStrong you will see all the wonderful things she accomplished during her short life.  Her spirit inspires me. She seemed to have mercy.

Someone close to me recently said that when it comes to God things will be revealed to you when you are ready.  Each soul on earth is on a separate timeline but we all are welcome to receive God at anytime, if we choose to do so. God gave us free will.

So although I have been dissappointed in myself for taking so long to read through the Bible, I will not berate myself.  I have finished reading through Romans and in the past few weeks I have been enlighted in so many ways.  

I recently realized that I had been holding onto anger about a particular scenario.  I thought it had gone, but it hadn't.  By the acts of confession, prayer and studying I am truly beginning to understand what mercy is.  

I am not a model but am dedicated to having true mercy from this point on.  

Anger is the enemy.  The priest said that even justified anger serves no real purpose and that God wants us to have mercy in the way that Christ Jesus has mercy.  I want every ounce of anger out of my soul and it will be a labor of love to do so.  I do not want to die with any anger in my heart.

I plan to write about my retreat experience in hopes that some of you may be inspired to heal yourself in spirit too.  This will help our bodies.

Thank you for following along with this disorganized post.  I will be looking for other women to join me on another spiritual retreat that will include prayer and dedication to healing from illness as well, whether you are the patient or loved one.  You do not have to be Catholic to attend.  

Please email me if you may be interested at servivorgirl@gmail.com.

Peace and Blessings,
Servivorgirl

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Happy Holidays From Servivorgirl and Merry Christmas

My sweet cat Marilyn and I are rejoicing in the miracle of our Lord Jesus Christ.  This is a bittersweet Christmas. 

My heart aches.  I miss my mom.  I am also very grateful to be alive on this day to celebrate the season of the birth of our Lord.  I love my family, friends and treatment team.

To my friends who celebrate in other ways may you be joyful and with peace this holiday season.

Seasons Greetings to all.

Love,
Servivorgirl



Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Perfect Tree

Missing you all and needing to say that I wish I had the energy to write more often.  I am still sleeping 12 to 15 hours per day.  I had the pleasure of getting a short respite with family over the past few weeks and some interesting new things happened while I was there. 

It is worth noting that my Avastin dosage has increased because I continue to gain weight.  (The weight gain is an entirely separate post, too complex to even discuss.) Ha!  

Anyways, I was walking on the kitchen floor and heard a cracking sound in my left foot.  The popping sound that accompanied a sudden surge of pain and inability to bear weight on said foot sent me to the ER.  I had only been there an hour!  Ha.  I am now wearing a big walking boot and do have a fracture in my left foot.  

Then for two days non-stop I was bedridden with terrible nausea and an evil headache.  What???  I am  on vacation.  

We missed the local tree lighting ceremony with all the holiday extras.  I felt terrible for my aunt. Instead of us walking around the town relishing in holiday cheer she was busy taking care of me.  I love my aunt so much.  I plan to visit next year for a do-over.

Then, yes there is still more, I had to go to the ER a second time because I had unexplained chest pain, neck pain and pain with shortness of breath.  Geeeeeze leweeeeze!

They treated me as if I was having a cardiac issue or embolism.  This has never happened before.  I was panicky to say the least.  When it first happened the noise of the TV was hard to bear and I could not turn my head.  The pain along my neck was on both sides, intense and sharp.

I was given a nitroglycerin patch, IV Lorazapam and some sort of blood thinner. The ER staff and physician were incredibly polite and efficient. They drew labs for cardiac enzymes, checked my legs and chest for blood clots and admitted me for overnight observation. They drew two more enzyme labs over the course of my stay and performed a stress test on my heart. I was very impressed and am so grateful for receiving such a complete cardiac work up. 

After all of THAT, my heart is in good shape, thank you dear Lord.  

What the cause of this mysterious chest episode was, I do not know. If it happens again then I will be referred to a cardiologist, per my PCP.

So this is where we get to the "perfect tree" part.  I return from my vacation exhausted, sleep 23 hours, and sadly realize that I can't get my Christmas tree without help.

I was delighted and thankful to find two ladies who selected, transported and set up a tree for me. To honor my mom, who passed away last November, I wanted to purchase my Christmas tree from Swanson's Nursery.  Swansons was her favorite nursery, such a beautiful place.

My Christmas tree is the perfect tree.  It represents real life.  The curved trunk, uneven branches, the way it appears as if it might just topple over at any moment.  I checked, it is secured tightly to the stand. It will never look balanced and even.  My tree this year is not a calming tree. It symbolizes unexpectedness and awkwardess, sufferig and loss, yet displays beauty and joy.

My Christmas tree is telling me to stay alert.  It is also taking forever to decorate.  As I write this post I am yet to hang the ornaments I received after mom died.  The box is here, it is the last box of ornaments to hang.  

I will do that tomorrow and post a photo when I am done.

As we embrace these next few weeks of holiday joy, from all cultures and religions, I pray you find your spirit renewed.  I will be blogging soon with more Christmas cheer.....I hope.

Merry Christmas
Servivorgirl