Merry Christmas

We are approaching the most holy day of the year, the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a time for celebration. I feel inadequate and undeserving, truly. I will miss Christmas mass for the first time in years and it makes me cry. I simply cannot tolerate a midnight mass and 9am Christmas mass will be too crowded for me. I pray that God understands. Maybe something will change and I will be able to attend.

I have not been writing because the blast of Cisplatin, combined with a poorly timed dose of Taxol, wiped me out. For days I was so full of nausea and severe fatigue. With Christmas to prepare for, the one grace is that I have no chemo this week. I feel scattered today, my words do not flow in any organized fashion.

I want to stay focused on what gives me gratitude, such as the kindess of our neighbor who brought over spaghetti. My home minister Patricia who is so dedicated, brings me Holy Communion every week. My family my family my family. Not enough can be said to honor the dedication and sacrifice my mother, Mandy, Patrick and their children have made to accomodate my hospitalizations and chemo schedule. I love you all so much.

This Christmas I will be rejoicing in the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and praying that we all remember that Jesus is in each of us. With that I will pray that this new season will bring all of us to love one another more deeply, treat each other with more kindness, and have more compassion for our fellow human beings. I will be thanking God for I have been the recipient of such grace over and over again from friends, strangers and my loving family. I am so blessed and fortunate. I wish all of you a very blessed holy Merry Christmas this year. Love, Denise

Thank you God

I just heard good news about Uncle Rich. His myeloma is localized, and has not spread to other tissue. Thank you God for taking care of him. Now he still needs radiation, a grueling three week schedule in January, but there is now new hope. He will get to enjoy time with family and friends for the holidays. Thank you all for your prayers for him, thank you Lord for your healing.

Now I request prayers for my dear mom. She has had Type I diabetes since age 23, for 40 years. She has been on an insulin pump for 10 years. Now her pump is causing her pain and she is running out of "pain free" space on her abdomen to place the pump needle. She needs to see a diabetic educator to see if they will be able to help her better use the pump, but my mom is doubtful any educator will be able to solve this problem.

My mother provides me food, shelter, daily support and love and acts with grace each day to help me heal. She is under a lot of pressure though and deeply misses her friends and social life. Her diabetes has made it hard for her to be free to do what she wants to do on her timeframe. Her pump is the only device that can control her blood sugar levels. I pray deeply for her to find happiness and healing with her pump. Her pump is her lifesaver and it needs to work.

Please help me pray for my mom.

Love,
Denise

prayer for Uncle Rich

Yesterday we got bad news, my Uncle Rich has myeloma. He has had a bump on his sternum for over a year and was unfortunately diagnosed with myeloma yesterday. He will need a bone marrow test next week to determine the stage of illness. This is so unfortunate, so sad. He works so hard. His doctors had told him he had ankylosing spondylitis, and they now seem to be incorrect. I am hoping that all my friends will pray for Uncle Rich and Aunt Debbie, and their children in this time of need. We all remain hopeful and positive.

Like me, he could benefit by receiving top notch surgery or radiation or chemo, and clear his body of this illness. I pray for them and for their doctors, that they are able to quickly and thoroughly treat his myeloma. Love you guys.

On a side note, due to my allergic reaction to carboplatin, I now will need to receive a new platinum drug in hospital next week. My doctor wants me to take cisplatin, and it requires being hooked up to IV fluids for 4 hours to prepare the kidneys. The cisplatin causes kidney failure unless you are thoroughly hydrated. My doctor said that she didn't want to chance any further allergic reactions to carboplatin, because it could be a deadly reaction the next time around. Scary.

The other down side of cisplatin is that it causes more nausea, so I am definitely not looking forward to that. I plan to psyche myself up and mentally prepare as much as possible. I am sure that the anti-nausea meds will do as much as possible and I will just pray that I don't have too much of a reaction. I am very disappointed that I have to be hospitalized for this upcoming chemo treatment. It will be more expensive and just the nature of the treatment is intimidating. I do know that the U of W hospital is very nice, staff very professional and that I will be made as comfortable as possible. Bless my sister Mandy, for she will stay with me.

Love you all,
Denise

Hospitalization

I had to be hospitalized due to high fever on Saturday. My fever of 104 was alarming, and although it started to reduce after taking two tylenol, the doctor on call insisted that I go to the hospital. I was admitted to University of Washington so that Dr. Goff of SCCA could monitor me. The staff of nurses and physicians were so professional. The best part was my sister Mandy stayed the night to watch over me, like the angel she is.

They had trouble drawing blood from my port, so consequently had to stick me in the arm three times, but that was OK. I received two rounds of antibiotics and IV fluids for dehydration. The last time I had chemo I had a fever too.

Towards the end of this round of chemo on Friday, I had a reaction to the carboplatin. My hands itched and I got red spots on my face. I received benadryl, but later that night I had chills so bad I had to sleep with a heating pad. Then my fever of course spiked. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, but it was the right thing to do. I am worried about money.

Results are they found no infection, so I am clueless as to why I had such a high fever. I still have nystagmus. Luckily I see my gynecologist, Dr. Gray, on Thursday. Hopefully we can resolve this because I can't afford to keep going to the ER or being admitted to the hospital.

I had a breakdown yesterday in the SCCA clinic. I went to get my neupogen shot and I was accidently deleted in the system, after I checked in. After two hours, I was fit to be tied, angry and just started yelling. Not a pretty picture. Today I asked for emotional support and a referral to psyche.

I feel so lost because my energy is so low. I have very little of a "life" in terms of future employment and cannot visualize what my life will be. I want to be in church so badly. I desperately need to find my life's purpose and commit to good work. Maybe a psychologist can help me start on my way.

I do not want to be placed on antidepressants though, that is not the solution. I need real guidance.

Love all of you and thank you Mom and Mandy for watching out for me when I can't make good decisions on my own. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, but it was necessary.

Love you all.
Denise

Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have more to be thankful for than ever before. My friends and family have been so supportive, so helpful, so caring and loving. My mother is literally taking care of me by allowing me to live with her in her home. I am enjoying the chance to renew my relationship with her and enjoying every minute. I love you MOM!

My adorable sister Mandy, who has literally re-arranged her life to help me with getting through this challenging time. I am so grateful to her, she religiously takes me to chemo and is there every time I need her. She has a beautiful family and business and has so graciously helped me manage my situation. For getting me health insurance, what a blessing. I love you and am so so blessed to be able to spend time with you, Pat, Laria and Addie. I pray for your peace and happiness every day.

My brother Arnie, who is a rock in our family. Whom was right there to help me when I needed it and always sends a message of hope and love. So responsible and helpful and I don't know what I would have done without him to help me get my car and stuff to Seattle. I pray that your family has serenity and union every day. I love you.

Aunt Debbie and Uncle Rich, for all their love and support. My Aunt Debbie sacrificed her time to stay with me in Folsom after my surgery. At this time of uncertaintly, my prayers are with you.

My friend Barb who helped me prepare for my move to Seattle and with errands while I was recovering from surgery in California. Craig, my ex-honey, who drove my belongings to Seattle from Folsom. What a generous feat and it was so nice to spend time with him in Seattle. My Uncle Don and Shawn Allen, and Aunt Kathy who call almost every day. Thank you. Aunt Bernie, Courtney and Uncle Bruce, I know how much you care and your notes of support have been so much appreciated. Mike and Pier, who made several runs to the airport for my family, while I was in surgical recovery. Judy Grondin, a minister from church, who took me to appointments in Folsom.

My pastor MSR Kidder, who blessed me with the sacrament of the sick on several occassions. God Bless. Philip Corollo who offered kind words of support and encouragement from afar. Randy Fann, for all the help with moving me around while Aunt Debbie and Mandy were in Folsom. Russ and Teresa Tuttle, for giving me my job and creating a way for me to have ongoing insurance. Tammy and Chris Gabel, Marina Krikorian and Jennifer and Jim Alvarez for all their kind support. My renewed friendship with Rebecca Moore and Jennifer Tesone. All the rest of my family, including my father. My new home minister, Patricia Davis, for coming to my home to give me holy communion. My doctors and nurses at SCCA, I love you so much. The doctors and nurses put patients first and make me feel special.

I hope that I have not forgotten anyone. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!! I love you!!!

temp 102 yesterday

Yesterday was a rough day. Not sure why but I had a temp of 102. Had to call the nurse. Took two extra strength tylenol and went back to bed with a cold compress. Today my temp is normal. The night after chemo I was up the whole time with chills, I couldn't get warm. I was chilled all day yesterday.

No run to the emergency room though. I am grateful for a better day today. The nausea will start to kick in on Sunday, third day after chemo. That is when the IV drugs wear off. Happy day.

The good news is I get Thanksgiving "off" and have treatment on Friday. I'll need to not eat a lot though, still have to stick to small amounts of food. That's OK. I am looking forward to a special day of Thanks for all the blessings in my life, especially family and friends. What more does a person really need?

Thank you to all of my supporters.

Love,
Denise

depressed a bit today

Hi everyone,

The bills are starting to trickle in, and basically it costs over two thousand per week just for my immune therapy. Over seven thousand per each chemo treatment. The port was about sixteen thousand. I am still in therapy and wonder what the final tally will be. My insurance has a high deductable but eventually caps. What a relief that is. I can't worry about the money, but I do.

I am applying for financial assistance from the Seatte Cancer Care Alliance, I just hope I qualify.

I am bummed because I have the "wrong" cancer. I called the American Cancer Society again the other day to look for financial resources, and of course, none for me. Gobs of stuff if I had lung cancer or breast cancer, and I just thank God that I have none of the above. My cancer cup is full right now.

Here is my opinion: Support services and financial aid should be for all cancer patients, not just those with the loudest marketing genies. I understand that research dollars are generated through fundraising, and fundraising is done by "non-profits" who are married to a particular type of disease. So if you have a rare disease, or a low-profile disease, you are less likely to find support for things like "bills".

So, today I am feeling down. The ACS is sending me a packet, we'll see what they send. In the mean time I wrote a note to Ellen DeGeneres asking her to do a show on Ovarian Cancer. She has low back pain and I wanted to let her know that LPB is a symptom of OC. I know I am sounding paranoid, but that is what OC is about, vague symptoms that if left unattended, can kill you. So maybe she will listen and really have her pain checked out.

I have chemo this week. Not too excited but feel lucky to have it. Love you all.

Denise

as chemo compounds in my body

I thought I'd take a moment to update on my progress. I am starting to get overwhelmed with all the medical appointments. Last week, I went to an appointment every day. Sun, Mon, Tues shot days. Wednesday I met my new primary care doctor who is concerned that I may be getting diabetes, swell. Thursday was chemo day. Friday was physical evaluation day, sigh.

On Friday I had to do a mandatory physical evaluation to see if I qualify for assisted transportation. What a hassle. and waste of taxpayer dollars. The only light there was I was enchanted with the story telling of an 83 year old WWII vet, from New York. He was a sweet elderly man, one leg had been amputated. He told me stories about how he loved the culture of New York, but had lived on a farm. Told me about growing up in the depression era and how he felt so fortunate to have been a clerk during the war. He said he taught soldiers to read and write as well. He helped pass the time, none-the-less. We were both there for our "test".

The reason the back-up transportation is so important is that there may be a day when I need a ride to a doctor or chemo. Mom cannot drive at dusk/dawn/night. My sister does have a family and they have all had the flu for two weeks now. King County has a transportation program, but the approval process is cumbersome and full of red tape. The process of physically going to a hospital, being tested by a physical therapist, and riding back was almost 4 hours. It exhausted me. I just hope I get approved, I'd really use the service if available to me.

Anyway, as far as my health goes, I am definitely feeling the nausea as the chemo schedule continues. I was told that the cumulative effects of chemo are that the side effects intensify as time passes. The chemo drugs linger in your body, and each time you add more chemo, there is more in your system., more to hurt you.

The good news is that my anti-nausea medication works fairly quickly. I am now being screened for diabetes because my blood sugars are running high. I am also noticing an effect called "nystagmus", which is basically my eyes will jerk back and forth super fast for no appearant reason. I just have to manage these little battles as I go.


Because of the new onset of nystagmus and possible diabetes, I am fairly sure I am not going to increase the frequency of my chemo. My doctor told me she was worried I wasn't getting enough chemo. I haven't fully decided yet, but I don't want to do any major additional damage to my body because of the chemo. I need to talk more with her and see what she says. So for now I am going to take my scheduled week off next Thursday, I really need it.

I am interested in any advice someone has to offer about how to live in the future. Assuming I heal from cancer, and assuming eventually I should need to return to work, I have no job. What am I going to do? I want to do something meaningful, something real. I would like to be a counselor or maybe learn how to be a technical writer.

The key is that my vocation will need to be based from home. If anyone has any ideas, please share comments. I need to use my second chance wisely and really do something valuable for others. I just don't have a clue what that should be.

Thank you all for your care and concern. Love you all. Denise

#2 blade please, look ma no hair

Well, my hair is finally coming out. I had gone to Supercuts last week to get a real short pixie cut and went back again today to finish the "do". It feels strange to have a head of blonde fuzz, sort of Annie Lennox revisited here, only not orange. The only thing was the other patrons were all men and seemed a little disgusted with my "look". Well, sorry.

I feel OK though, because it's falling out and becoming annoying to manage. I was so fortunate that on this past Monday, I was able to receive two free wigs from the SCCA. I now have a very cute auburn bob cut and a conservative pixie blonde wig. I was going to get a longer blonde or red wig, but to be honest, I don't want to hassle with the possibility of the wig being crooked or out of place. Short styles will be easier to manage.

I also have a few beautiful scarves and hats, some compliments of Tammy Krikorian Gabel, thanks again. I feel like this transition to the "fuzzy look" is important. Sort of a rite of passage. Now people will know I have cancer and I don't have to explain myself all the time.

I am trying to walk a little more each day, but that is slow. Thank goodness mom has a treadmill. Not sure if I will walk today as the hair ordeal and walking from the parking space to the shop entrance seems like enough for today.

Tomorrow I meet a new primary doctor for the first time. I hope that visit goes well.

So today I am grateful for the compassion of a very nice stylist and thank God for all that He gives me. My hair will grow back again someday. The most important thing is being here on this earth, to appreciate my family and friends, and the beauty all around.

Love,
Denise

ex landlord a crook

Funny thing is that some people could care less about if you have cancer or not. This is a note about my former landord Eric, in Folsom. I moved from Folsom to Seattle on September 30th. During August and the last 5 days in September, I needed help from family, and they had to stay with me. Eric gave us permission and never accepted money when offered. I guess he socked it to me in the end.

My brother flew out the 25th and drove my packed car to Seattle the next day. He stayed one night. My sister arrived the 26th and helped me wrap up my donations, packing for Craig's car and cleaning. We left the place spotless. Being the only female in a house with two other males, I was the one who cleaned. My sister worked her tail off to help with the very demanding transition while at the same time I had daily doctor visits, chemo and errands galore.

To say the least, the move about killed us all.

Well, for the first few weeks in August, my sister or my aunt had to stay to help me because I could barely get out of bed. I needed help showering, could not go downstairs for meals etc. AND, for one week while my aunt was here, we had to stay at a hotel because Eric (lanlord) had friends in from out of town. We offered Eric a little seed money to cover extra utilities. My mother even paid for helpers at home after family left, and they helped me with the house. The guys never lifted a finger to clean the house or help me at all while I was recovering. I was a bother to them and made them uncomfortable because of the type of surgery I had. There was nothing I could do to make them feel more comfortable with my surgery.

When I moved out, my key was under the mat, the fridge was stocked with good food and the house was spotless. I left Eric a note with my new address, told him the key was under the mat, and asked him to mail me my deposit to my address in Seattle. I had already changed my address with the post office.

Well, I gave him the legal 3 weeks, no response, no deposit. A few days ago I sent him a text and he said that because of all the issues and a leaky toilet, he was going to keep my deposit. He said he had some mail for me.

The handle on the toilet needed tightened, that's all there. How ridiculous.

So I am feeling totally taken advantage of. We did offer to give him a few bucks for the invonvenience of family staying, but he refused to accept it. He just said "get better, that's all I care about". Well he is a true liar.

Before my surgery, Eric insisted that I get family to help me because he didn't sign up for this problem. He offered the second room to them. So for him to keep my deposit is literally lowbrow and seedy. If he would have asked for part of the deposit to cover that room, I would have gladly given it to him.

What bothers me truly is that there was no conversation. He just took my deposit, and there is not a "blank' thing I can do. It is criminal.

Some people really don't care if you are sick or not. Hard lesson to learn. I am not asking for special treatment because I have cancer, but to keep my deposit because he knows I am incapable of defending myself is abominable. I learned my lesson here, and it's a shame because the bills are starting to come in. I could have used that, but it will come from another place.

I have to believe that nothing is random, there is a reason for everything that happenes. A window will open, I have hope.

For now, really just needing to tell the story.

Love you all.

cover your cough

Well, I spoke too soon. Here I thought I was on a clean path of relief until next week's chemo and then I was in the ER two nights ago. I think it started on Tuesday when someone coughed in the clinic and didn't cover her mouth. I know that sounds paranoid, but it's like I "knew" it right at that second in time.

She was a very distressed older female who was in the clinic for the first time. I had been sent to the 3rd floor because I had excruciating abdominal pain, and wanted to talk to one of my doctor's nurses. I have had abdominal pain since surgery, and it has recently intensified. I was and still am worried about either an ulcer or something being wayward with my abdominal port. So I had just received my neupogen shot and was waiting in the lobby of the 3rd floor clinic, and this woman and her friend came in all flustered. They had not taken a moment to be screened for colds/flu downstairs. Well, one just coughed without covering her mouth and it was if I could feel the blanket of "flu" cover me.

The receptionist immediately called her to the desk and screened her and gave her info on precautions. I can't be angry, it just "happened". But it is a lesson for us all. It's so easy for me to get sick, but we are all vulnerable.

Well, that night I had formed a slight headache, but on Wednesday morning I woke up with migrain level head pain. For the record, I never get headaches, just not my deal. I get stomach problems and joint problems, but have been fortunate as far as headaches go. So of course I was doubly miserable because I still had the super intense abdominal pain and now a headache from down under. I was in bed all day, unable to eat.

My thermometer was not working well, and finally at 11pm I asked mom to borrow her thermometer. Temp was 101.4. I panicked a little, took a tylenol, and it went down a bit. The resident on call said to go to the ER, so my poor sister and mom had to be with me in the ER until almost 5am Thursday morning. So after being up all day, my mom and sister entertained themselves watching infomercials on hard plastic chairs, eating vending machine chex mix and laughing at me when I received my pain killers. The IV nurse (guy) was excellent. He didn't want to use the central line/port already in my body, but when he started the IV, he was quick and accurate. No bruising.

Now I am on Tamiflu, tylenol, and lots of fluids. Still have stomach pain. Still running a slight temperature, but it's not over 101. I am now on a softer diet, and have been referred to a nutritionist.

By the way, if you have cancer and you go to the ER with a headache, they automatically do a CT Scan of your head. Can't wait to see that bill. Also if you go to the ER and have abdominal pain, they automatically do a pregnancy test, even if you tell them you had a hysterectomy. Crazy, it's part of their panel of tests, and I don't want to pay for that either.

I am so grateful to my mom and Mandy for taking me to the ER and making that whole ordeal bearable. The staff was professional and nice. My physician looked more like a lumberjack than anything else, and he was the coolest ever. They were all so nice and laid back, and treated us with respect. What a change!

My sister actually got back home at 5:30 am, maybe napped, took kids to school, volunteered at Addie's school, took a nap, and went to work on an order for her Savvywraps! Yeah for her. Amazing energy!

I love you Mom and Mandy, thank you!!!!

And also thank you to Tammy Gabel today for sending me some beautiful scarves. I will put them to good use, it was a very thoughtful gift. Thank you!!

I received a note from my new church in Seattle, and look forward to developing a relationship with members of that community too.

In spite of all the pain, I still feel very lucky. I need the pain to go away, because I do not know how I will function and work later next year. It will subside, just not as fast as I'd like.

Hope all of you are well and thank you for your prayers.

Love,
Denise

good day today

Hi to my dear friends and family,

Well I have to say that I am so relieved that this round of chemo has been kinder to me. Not as much fatigue, not as much nausea, not as much bitter taste and generally feeling more human. The best part is that I get a break this next week. Still go for shots Sunday, Monday, Tuesday but that is OK.

I see my new general practitioner on Thursday, and so I am getting "established" here as a patient.

The trees are golden and red, the air is ridiculously fresh and clean, so inspiring. Mom and I have been playing Scrabble. My sister has her festive holiday/winter 2009 Savvywrap tm done.

http://www.persimmonandpine.com/

They are georgeous, and precious and beautifully designed wreaths named "Boxwood with Berries". I am so proud of her, and she is truly an artist, she inspires us all.

Mom and I are having fun, talking and laughing when times are good. I am really hoping that this down time will be productive for me spiritually.

I am looking for a church and am hoping that I can receive a minister at home for now. I am not really ready to go to church, because I am still immuno-compromised, but need communion. I miss the walls of Holy Trinity in El Dorado Hills, miss the feeling of love received from my extended family.

I hope to get out a little next week, have truly been indoors the whole time. Mom is getting a walking stick, so that we will be able to take small walks together. I am not yet exercising either, not good. Need to do that.

Love my family, miss all my friends. Very blessed to have my doctors. I think I fell in love with Dr. P. He was a dream. Made me feel so secure and calm before placing my port/central line. Love you!

Thanks again Mandy for being with me the whole day on Thursday. Port placement and Chemo started around noon and ended after 8pm. What a day. Do not know what I would do without my sister. Love you.

Caio

Denise

settling into Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

Well, I have to thank Mandy again because every time I go to the clinic for a neupogen shot, I get to be in awe of the SCCA. It is a state of the art facility on the cutting edge of cancer research and treatment. My purpose in relocating my life to Seattle was to be with family, pure and simple. I was not even concerned or aware of the caliber of treatment available to me. All I knew was that I had to be with family. By the grace of God, my sister and her husband did research to find me the best treatment facility and insurance. My mother, bless her heart, is taking care of me at home. I cannot ask for a better situation.

My ability to tolerate the long waits is improving. I am getting excited that maybe I will be healed and that I am here to help someone know that cancer is not a death sentence. We all will pass, and we are not to know how, but at least we can have hope that cancer is not always the immediate killer.

My CA125 is lower, about 33. It is unbelievable to me and I am so relieved that the tumor marker is going down. That being said, it does not mean the tumors are gone. When I spoke with the clinical coordinator the other day, she said they need to monitor the tumor marker over time, so that we can be assured the chemotherapy is working.

As far as chemo goes, I really hate it. It gives me lots of nausea and stomach pain, and it totally wipes me out. For the first three days after treatment, I did nothing but sleep, shower, try to eat, and sleep again. So tomorrow I get a clavicular port put in to save my veins. Then I get more chemo, Taxol and Carbo. I am dreading the side effects. Good news, still have hair!

Today is literally the first day I have felt good enough to blog. It's hard to imagine that someone has not the energy to turn on the computer, but it is true. So for now I will say that I believe I am in excellent medical hands and God is taking care of my family to help and love me. My sister has so much to do, her children, her husband, her business and herself need attention....yet she makes time for me. I am so so so so so so so so so so fortunate. I love my family so much, I cannot tell you enough.

Thank you God. So until next time, as my Aunt Sadie used to say, "see you on the other side of the moon".

Love,
Denise

here we go again

Well, it's been one heckof a week. I'm all teary eyed because Craig returned to California today. He arrived Monday with his SUV packed full of my "stuff'. He drove alone, and I am still blown away by his generosity. I am blown away by everyone's generosity. He got to spend time at the music museum, see Jimi Hendrix' statue and we spent time at Pike's Market. We went to dinner after a walk on the beach at Golden Garden's park. We ate at Ray's cafe. I was in so much pain, and really wish I could have done more. He seemed happy and I am so so grateful for his time and energy. It is so hard to say goodbye to people you love. He will come back soon I hope.

Tomorrow I resume chemotherapy. My beautiful sister and mom will help me along for this long day. The time table is longer, but having a private room or area will make it bearable.

I will be treated with Taxol and Carboplatin this time, twice the medications. I am a little nervous about it, because I am generally sensitive anyway. I'm praying it will be OK.

I am still busy wrapping up details from California, and arranging alternative transportation to ease the burden with mom and Mandy. As it turns out, I do need to go get neupogen shots at least three times weekly, in addition to chemo three times a month. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a blanket and just sleep for a year. Just put me in a coma and kill off the cancer. Wake me when it's over.

I can't wait to see Laria, Addie, and Pat. It will be a week tomorrow, and it just takes time to settle in. I miss my friends. God has been good to me. I have a great family and I know I am in the right place to heal.

Seattle is incredible, green, and very diverse. Nutty to drive here though, just a maze of streets all over the place. Every house is different. Streets are narrow. Neighborhoods have their own pulse and energy, so eclectic.

Well, off to another shot of chemo. I will check back in a few days. I love you all and thank you for your support!

Love,
Denise

hello Seattle

I am so grateful to my brother, sister and mother for literally carrying me to the pacific northwest. Mandy and I landed yesterday and I have already met my fabulous oncology team. Dr. G is wonderful. She and her team spent 3 hours with mom, Mandy and I asking questions, getting to know me and truly took a sincere interest in our care. Mandy has been a bundle of joy.

Moving from California has been so draining, and dealing with daily doctor appointments and housemate conflicts has made this time of my life a real challenge. My friend Barb came by with Chinese food on Tuesday evening to say goodbye. She cut my hair short and sassy. I'm ready with scarfs and hats. just need a wig.

It looks like I will still be doing weekly or bi-weekly chemo because of my fragile blood counts, but here I feel like I am going to be well taken care of. There is a nutritionist available and all kinds of support to help me and my family along the way.

Seattle is so extremely different, like night and day. So fresh and green. The air is crisp and the trees are tall. Every house is unique and it seems "friendly" here. I am looking forward to creating my new home.

I was so excited because I got to see one of my nieces yesterday. I will soon get to see the other little angel and Mandy's husband. I am so thankful to God for my family. I can't do enough in return to express my deepest gratitude for getting me to this place that I can now call home.

I will be able to heal here, I can feel it. I have a long way to go, at least 6 more treatments, possible still another 18 weeks. I'm ready.

I love you Mandy and Arnie!!!!! Love you mom!!!! Will miss you Barb!!!! Will miss you Craig!!!! Will miss you Mike and Pier!!!! Will miss you Russ and Teresa!!! Love you to the rest of my family. Love you all.