I had to be hospitalized due to high fever on Saturday. My fever of 104 was alarming, and although it started to reduce after taking two tylenol, the doctor on call insisted that I go to the hospital. I was admitted to University of Washington so that Dr. Goff of SCCA could monitor me. The staff of nurses and physicians were so professional. The best part was my sister Mandy stayed the night to watch over me, like the angel she is.
They had trouble drawing blood from my port, so consequently had to stick me in the arm three times, but that was OK. I received two rounds of antibiotics and IV fluids for dehydration. The last time I had chemo I had a fever too.
Towards the end of this round of chemo on Friday, I had a reaction to the carboplatin. My hands itched and I got red spots on my face. I received benadryl, but later that night I had chills so bad I had to sleep with a heating pad. Then my fever of course spiked. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, but it was the right thing to do. I am worried about money.
Results are they found no infection, so I am clueless as to why I had such a high fever. I still have nystagmus. Luckily I see my gynecologist, Dr. Gray, on Thursday. Hopefully we can resolve this because I can't afford to keep going to the ER or being admitted to the hospital.
I had a breakdown yesterday in the SCCA clinic. I went to get my neupogen shot and I was accidently deleted in the system, after I checked in. After two hours, I was fit to be tied, angry and just started yelling. Not a pretty picture. Today I asked for emotional support and a referral to psyche.
I feel so lost because my energy is so low. I have very little of a "life" in terms of future employment and cannot visualize what my life will be. I want to be in church so badly. I desperately need to find my life's purpose and commit to good work. Maybe a psychologist can help me start on my way.
I do not want to be placed on antidepressants though, that is not the solution. I need real guidance.
Love all of you and thank you Mom and Mandy for watching out for me when I can't make good decisions on my own. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, but it was necessary.
Love you all.
Denise
What a lovely soul you have. Here you are with cancer and you're thinking about a future of helping others. What about helping Denise, being kind to Denise? Not letting Denise worry about money, or the future...allowing Denise to feel and know that God is in charge. Bathe yourself in God's love, allow God's light into your cells and have faith that the future will work itself out.
ReplyDeleteAllow the bills to pile up...then you can declare bankruptcy and walk away. A job...when you are on the road to recovery...new doors will open. Right now you are in the midst of a battle, you are fighting for your life...don't drop your sword to gaze into the future. Be exquistedly present in every moment--holding God's hand. Try not to waiver, be strong child, God is ever-present. xoxoxox
Barb, thank you for your prayers!You are a light of hope.
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