CDC Symptom Diary Card

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"You were never here", she said to me

I was breathless and panicked as I was wandering around campus.  The buildings were all slanted, in differing directions, grayed, blue, black and silver.  Part of the campus looked like my old college and part of the campus was not anything I've seen before.  I ran into a building, and traversed the sloping shiny vinyl flooring, brown with tiny polka dots, and stopped at a large picture window.  I turned in circles and started to sweat. I was ready to cry.

A woman came out of the office and asked me if I was OK, and I said that I was lost.  I told her that I forgot my schedule.  I couldn't remember where I was supposed to be.  I was missing class and didn't want to be punished.  I was late. She took my name and came back with bad news.  She said "We have no record of your enrollment".  Ever.

I had been going there for four years, at least.  I ran outside and into another building and another and another. I  felt invisible.  I stood outside on a side walk and tried to study the spider like legs of each path, not knowing where to go. It was gray outside but patches of green come from the ground, giving me hope.

All at once ever person looked up into the sky, gasping, then suddenly shrieking, they started to run.  I turned around and looked up into the sky and the clouds were churning and turning green. The clouds seemed to be dropping like lead and in the clouds appeared shapes of the faces of enormous apes.  The shapes were squared and detailed, protruding forward.  Two, massive heads side by side. Facing them were two more apes, smaller, but equally detailed, as if the teams were going to fight.  I was imagining this horrific giant battle in the sky between these beasts when suddenly large bolts of lightening cracked across the sky.

The apes started moving closer towards each other and a large tornado came swirling down from the sky. I was jolted from my frozen state and ran as fast as I could to the closest building on campus.  The floor kept going down and down and down, sloping, never level, until it reached the end.  A long white room, with no tables or chairs.  It had a built in bench that ran along all the walls.  I took a seat in the corner.  I started to catch my breath and noticed others in the room.  One woman, three men.  One man looked like my high-school crush, and Tom Cruise all at the same time.  One man was elderly wearing a hat and the other was a younger guy with blonde hair.  The woman was young and pretty.  It felt as if we were going to live here for the rest of our lives.

Time moved forward and the younger woman and my high school crush guy had a baby.  The baby was so beautiful.  I was in awe of the child.  The couple did not love each other though, and she had secret feelings for the  younger blonde guy.  I waited one day to talk with the father to see if he would have an interest in me, but he did not.  He was not attracted to me.  My heart was crushed, I loved him.  The couple split and the baby stayed with the father.

While living in this shelter we could periodically go out of the room and get tea.  On one other special day we were able to bake a cake.  Periodically another child would appear to guide me to the tea room.  This child was 5 or 6, and would take my hand and ask me to get him some tea.  So we went for tea and it was a joy.  We all lived here for about  a year.

When the sun came out we were able to leave.  Outside in place of roads were train tracks.  The elderly man and I hopped on a push car, and made our way out of the city.  I looked back and saw smoldering buildings against a clear blue sky.  It was a beautiful day.

I woke up today at 3 pm.  This was my dream last night.  I slept for 14 hours.  It snowed in Seattle today.  


  1. Wow! A while back I was having long, vivid story-like dreams, too! They seemed to go on and on. That time seems to have passed. As has a time period when all my sleep time seemed to be consumed with cancer. My dreams are changing again to more quiet themes which I can't remember next morning.

    Once, though, I did dream of a little child...and recognized the child as "me". The child was cold and I hugged her close and covered her with my fuzzy, warm bathrobe, protecting her. Maybe your little child was you? allowing yourself comfort with tea?

  2. Whitestone........

    Awe, maybe it was me. That's the second dream I've had in two weeks where a small child has guided me.

    Thank you for sharing your experience......our inner child needs comfort too.

    Dreams are fascinating.
    There must be meaning somewhere.

    You take care..........and you are such an inspiration to me....


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