CDC Symptom Diary Card

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Anger and pain

This morning every joint in my body hurts.  It hurt to slice a banana.  I could barely get out of bed.  My hands and ankles are swollen, my neck hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my right hip hurts. 

I wonder about anger and it's relationship to disease.  I got so angry yesterday.  Plus, I spent more time than usual on the computer trying to find photos for facebook, which may be why my shoulders and shoulder blades and hands hurt.  I have no idea.  All I do know is that stress is bad for arthritis and it's very bad for cancer.

I am really flaring and everything hurts.  I called the rheumatology clinic to see if they can see me earlier than October (geez).  A nurse is scheduled to call me back, I'll hope for the best.

I can't deal with this kind of pain all over, I just can't.  I don't want to spend the rest of my days in so much pain that I can't wring out a wash cloth to wash my face.  I want to get outside, walk, do yoga, get stronger. 

I want my cancer recovery to be full of excitement and happiness, not arthritic pain.  I hope we can tame this soon.  I just have to be hopeful.

I also need to get back to church every week.  I haven't been able to go regularly.  I miss God's spiritual nurturing.  I have been afraid of getting sick in church, so I haven't gone.  Going to church helps me have more patience, helps me to tame anger.

My body cannot afford for me to have angry emotions.  I need happy emotions.  I need those endorphins.

Well, that's all for today.  Surgery tomorrow.  Should go well.  Thanks for reading.

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