CDC Symptom Diary Card

Friday, September 14, 2012

Open Letter to Facebook

After you read the letter, please see the notes
 from my conversation with the sales department
 at Facebook.  

She was so nice.  I really appreciated her time.  

I don't have $50K.

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Here at "Turn Facebook Teal to Heal" have almost doubled our goal!  Men and women around the world are asking for Teal Facebook Pages in September in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.

Below is a PSA from Joe Girardi of the Yankees, because his mom died of ovarian cancer.  
I have been researching the FB platform even more and find that the only place for a PSA is the sign in page.  Will you please consider linking this PSA to your sign in page and changing it's color to Teal?   

http://www.causes.com/causes/651059-teal-to-heal-turn-facebook-teal-in-september/actions/1678558


New York Yankees' Manager Joe Girardi speaks about losing his mother to Ovarian Cancer. He discusses the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer. Together we can break the silence on ovarian cancer! Public Service Announcement by the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition - www.OVARIAN.org .  Published on Apr 5, 2012 by NOCCNational



On my blog you will also see a badge that links followers to the CDC, so that anyone can get materials about this deadly disease.  It kills 4 out of 5 women.  


I saw that Facebook is stories now, as part of it's platform.  I am so pleased to see that.  But those stories are not seen before someone signs in.

Please take this unique opportunity to demonstrate the goodwill efforts of Facebook to all individuals, both members and non-members, by linking this PSA to your sign in page and changing the color to Teal in September of 2012.

(This was emailed to Facebook sales and marketing departments on 09-13-12, one of many so far)
.......................................................................................................................................................
09-14-12

I just contacted the sales department by phone  800-608-1600 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting to ask if they are willing to post a PSA on their sign in page about ovarian cancer.  The representative was overly polite given she could not help me. 

I was told to create a FAN page and use my FAN page to raise awareness.  

I don't agree with that but I will work on one so that the same people who are my friends and petitioners and members of my cause page can "like" me and eventually spread the word.  They already know about ovarian cancer and want you to help us raise awareness.

My goal is to get the message out to people who have never heard of ovarian cancer.  There is no screening test.

  The best chance we have at a long survival is to detect it early.  It's a time bomb ticking away in our bodies and most doctors and gynecologists misdiagnose it.  Literally it's a sneaky bastard, a killer.

So I asked about advertising.  She said that if I could raise 50K dollars we could begin a conversation to do the following:

Turn Facebook's sign in page "TEAL"
Place a badge to the CDC  or PSA link for a Video
And state that this is ovarian cancer awareness month

So much money has already been spent on producing PSAs that are already available to be used.  It would cost Facebook next to nothing to change the color of one page to Teal and add the badge and blurb about ovarian cancer.  

Facebook has only recently started using their sign in page's premium real estate for advertising.  

I don't want to preach to the choir any more.  My friends already know about ovarian cancer.  

We are not a sea of teal yet.  We are a small but feisty group that suffers terribly the side effects of major abdominal surgeries to remove everything but the kitchen sink. Our voices are strong, but spread all over the world.  We are not concentrated in dense populations so we are hard to see.

Our grassroots efforts are making a huge difference, but we don't have time to wait for this message to grow in small stages.  We don't have a screening tool!   

I am asking Facebook to make an exception to the advertising policy and give back to the community that loves them by offering PSA's on their sign in page.  Do something good for the community and begin with our cause.

You will save many lives!

Thank you,
Denise Archuleta


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

People Magazine reports Kathy Bates has breast cancer

I am shocked.  A friend of mine (thank you Regina) sent me a note today that Kathy Bates has breast cancer.  People Magazine reported this today online.....

Here is the link to their article on our lovely and endearing Kathy Bates:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20628972,00.html#disqus_thread

Dear Kathy Bates, I think you are so gracious and endearing, beautiful and talented.  Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.  May you heal in peace, fully and without suffering.

Peace and Blessings to you,

Denise


Sunday, September 09, 2012

Tastes Like Heaven

Sunday is a day of rest for most, at least I hope.  I hope you know that I have been working very hard over the past week or so to spread the word about the importance of learning more about ovarian cancer. I am contacting Facebook and will continue to do so regarding our important petition.  Now it's time to share something unique, something joyful.

Today is a day to tend to what brings us the little "happys" in life.  A day for giving thanks to God (in your own way) and to those around us to make the curves or our mouths go "up".  A time to be in awe of nature, of something artful and inspiring.  A day to stand near a creek or river and listen to the trickling sounds that soothe your heart.  A time to play with the children and laugh from deep inside your gut.  A moment to take time to call a long lost friend or your parents and see how they are doing.  Say hello to your neighbor and smile brightly.   Someone's grandparent probably has an incredible story that needs to be told, and you can be there to listen.

At the risk of creating an outcry, I want to share the cutest little video of my sweet kitty cat Marilyn.  She is my little angel.  She keeps me from feeling lonely and gives me someone to talk to.  She has the most adorable little kitty voice, not a classic "meow", but ....well....I can't describe it.

She literally hangs out with me all the time.  She is so tidy and girly.  She is just the sweetest gift from God.  I was looking for a cat back in January, really debating the whole idea.  What am I doing?  What if something happens to me, who will take care of her?  Do I really want that litter box?  Ha!

I saw her needing adoption from a foster family at that time, along with other beautiful cats, but didn't take action because I just wasn't ready.  Every day I kept saying to myself that I wanted a cat.  I couldn't stop thinking about it.  Finally a few months later I couldn't take it any more.  The apartment was empty, just me and furniture, etc.  No life!

So I was searching and I saw her again!  I scheduled a meeting with the foster parents and just fell in love with her.  She was meant for me.

Before you watch, I want to let you know I did research on roses and cats.  I found no actual proof that rose petals cause problems.  My Marilyn loves rose petals.  So here she is.  Enjoy.



Love,
Denise


Monday, September 03, 2012

Taken Off The Field, my surgical report


Here is a copy of my surgical report.  I was blessed to have such an excellent surgeon in California. I am not sure how that all worked out because every step of the way up until I met him was one error after another.  

I had a hematology oncologist who was smart enough to override my gynecologists referral to a regular OBGYN surgeon.  Had he NOT done THAT, I would not be here. I am so thankful for both of those great doctors, for I did not know how significant that referral was until later.

After you read this you will understand why I was so angry for so long.  You will also understand my wardrobe.  I still cannot wear anything fitted, like jeans or regular pants.  I do need a makeover though.  I will save that for later. 

I am no longer angry.  

Love,
Denise

ALWAYS get a referral for a gynecological oncology surgeon if you are suspected to have ovarian cancer.  My surgery took over 4 hours hours.

(Editors note: I used PDF converter to apply this to my blog)
INDICATIONS / FINDINGS:
On opening the abdomen, the patient was found to have bilateral malignant ovarian masses with the right ovary that was stuck in the pelvic cul-de-sac. These were removed and frozen section pathology revealed malignancy. She had extra-ovarian disease with tumor masses primarily involving the pelvic peritoneum with smaller masses involving the peritoneum over the small bowel mesentery and the pericolic gutter as well as the right hemidiaphragms although minimally.  The patient had a tumor mass adjacent to the rectosigmoid colon which was excised. She had tumor involving the appendix and she had significant periaortic lymphadenopathy. She had no evidence of a bowel obstruction. At the end of the procedure the patient was optimally debulked with no tumor masses greater than a few millimeters in size. Therefore, an intraperitoneal Port-A-Cath was placed for subsequent intraperitoneal chemotherapy.

DESCRIPTION OF PROCEDURE:  The patient was brought into the operating room and placed supine on the operating room table.  She had a general anesthetic induced. She was placed in lithotomy position on the operating rating room table using Allen stirrups. SCDs were placed on the legs to prevent DVT. She received preoperative antibiotics and heparin. She was prepped and draped in normal fashion for an abdominal procedure. A surgical pause was performed. The patient's identity and surgical procedure were confirmed by all the surgical personnel.

After the patient was prepped and draped, we proceeded with a laparotomy incision. This was started at the pubis, taken to the right of the umbilicus and carried cephalad. This was taken through all layers into the peritoneal cavity.  On opening the abdomen, the patient was found to have turbid ascites of approximately 500 to 1000 mL.  This was aspirated.  A general exploration then ensued with the above noted findings.  A BookWalter retractor was used for retraction. The small and large bowel were packed into the upper abdomen and held in place with retractors.  We proceeded first with a BSO. The uterus was placed on traction. The round ligaments were transected with cautery and the retroperitoneum was opened. The infundibulopelvic ligaments were then isolated separate of the ureters, divided between clamps and ligated. The utero-ovarian ligaments were then divided between clamps. The right tube and ovary were then mobilized by incising the broad ligament.   It was then delivered out of the pelvis and sent for frozen section pathology.  On the other side a similar procedure was performed. The left tube and ovary were similarly sent fresh.

We then proceeded to complete the hysterectomy. The patient had tumor masses over the bladder peritoneum.  The incisions were made to include the tumor masses on the bladder peritoneum adjacent to the uterus.  The bladder was sharply and bluntly dissected off of the lower uterine segment and upper vagina. The uterine vessels were skeletonized. They were then cross-clamped, divided and suture transfixed. Similarly the cardinal ligaments and uterosacral ligaments were cross-clamped, divided and suture transfixed.

The upper vagina was cross-clamped. The uterus and cervix were then excised from the upper vagina and taken off the field. The vaginal angles were sutured, transfixed and the remaining vagina was closed with interrupted figure-of-eight sutures. Hemeostasis was secure.

The patient had multiple tumor masses involving the pelvic peritoneum. We systematically either excised these or fulgurated them. Tumor masses over the bladder peritoneum were excised by excising the peritoneal implants.  The patient had a. tumor plaque involving the left pelvic sidewall. The left  ureter was mobilized off the medial leaf of the broad ligament extensively. We then made a peritoneal incision to excise the entire left pelvic sidewall tumor plaque. The patient had tumor in the back of the vagina which was excised. She had a large tumor plaque in the right pericolic region and this was removed by making a peritoneal incision and excising the tumor intact. The remaining tumor masses were fulgurated or excised. The patient was noted to have a tumor mass adjacent to the rectosigmoid colon on the mesenteric side. This was similarly excised intact. Homeostasis was obtained with figure-of-eight sutures and cautery.

We then carefully inspected the small bowel. The patient was noted to have tumor on the appendix and therefore an appendectomy was performed. The appendiceal mesentery was  coapted with the Ligasure device and then divided. The base of the appendix was crushed, doubly ligated and then the appendix was excised from the stump and taken off the field. The base was fulgurated. Hemeostasis  was  secure. We continued to look for tumor implants over the small bowel mesentery and as these were encountered, they were systematically fulgurated. Similarly the patient had tumor implants over the right pericolic gutter which were fulgurated including a tumor mass adjacent to the posterior inferior aspect of the right lobe of the  liver next to the superior pole of the right kidney.  This was fulgurated. The patient had miliary implants over the hemidiaphragm and  there was no need to remove these since they were so small.

An omentectomy was performed. The omentum was mobilized off the transverse colon and then the lesser sac was widely developed. The gastroepiploic vessels were then serially sealed and divided using the Ligasure device. The omentum was taken off the field.

The remaining tumor involved the right and left periaortic lymph nodes. The peritoneum overlying the right common iliac artery was incised and the incision was taken cephalad to the third part of the duodenum which was mobilized and retracted cephalad. There was extensive malignant lymphadenopathy in the right precaval area and these tumor masses including the right common iliac region all the way up to the left renal vein going over the aorta. The right ovarian artery was encountered, clipped and divided as part of the resection of the malignant lymphadenopathy. The patient also had lymphadenopathy in the left periaortic region. These were excised off of the aorta. The patient also had malignant lymph nodes just in the left periaortic region just below the left renal vein. We similarly dissected these areas and sent them for permanent pathology. During the process we encountered the left ovarian artery which was similarly clipped and divided as part of the resection of the malignant nodes. The abdomen and pelvis were copiously irrigated. The patient had scant bleeding around the left renal vein and this was controlled with placement of Fibrillar Surgicel.

Because the patient was optimally debulked, we decided to place an intraperitoneal Port-A-Cath. The patient had the skin overlying the right subcostal region infiltrated with 1% lidocaine with epinephrine. An  oblique incision was made in the skin. The dermis and subcutaneous tissue were divided. A subcutaneous pocket was developed over the fascia overlying the ribs. Using a tunneler, the intraperitoneal catheter was brought from the subcutaneous pocket into the abdomen. It was attached to the hub. Stay sutures of 2-0 Vicryl were then placed to secure the hub to the underlying fascia. The catheter was flushed with heparinized saline. The subcutaneous fascia was closed with a running 2-0 Vicryl and the skin was closed w1th running 4-0Monocryl. The catheter in the abdomen was cut to about 8 cm in length.

Again, the abdomen and pelvis were copiously irrigated and hemeostasis was secure. All instruments and lap tapes were then removed from the abdomen. The abdominal wall was then closed in the routine fashion using a mass closure technique of #l PDS from the superior and inferior aspects and median mid portion. Subcutaneous tissue was irrigated, hemeostasis secured and skin closed with staples. A pressure dressing was placed.Sponge, needle and instrument count were correct times 2. Estimated blood loss was  approximately 300    to 400 mL. The patient received no blood intraoperatively. She was allowed to wake up in the operating room and taken to the recovery room in good  condition.


Preliminary Report - if not signed by author

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Ovarian Cancer Feels Like This


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Prometheus depicted in a sculpture by Nicolas-Sébastien Adam, 1762 (Louvre)
Prometheus (GreekΠρομηθεύς) is a Titanculture hero, and trickster figure who in Greek mythology is credited with thecreation of man from clay and the theft of fire for human use, an act that enabled progress and civilization. He is known for his intelligence, and as a champion of mankind.[1]
The punishment of Prometheus as a consequence of the theft is a major theme of his mythology, and is a popular subject of both ancient and modern art. Zeus, king of the Olympian gods, sentenced the Titan to eternal torment for his transgression. The immortal Prometheus was bound to a rock, where each day an eagle, the emblem of Zeus, was sent to feed on his liver, only to have it grow back to be eaten again the next day. In some stories, Prometheus is freed at last by the hero Heracles (Hercules).

I post this image because this is what it feels like to have Ovarian Cancer. 
The irony is that Ovarian Cancer is also a trickster.  Our ovaries are necessary for life, without them, mankind would not be able to duplicate. We cannot feel our little gems.  They are protected.   As ovarian cancer grows, everything around the ovary is displaced, and that displacement is what causes our symptoms. Tricky little (expletive), isn't it!
Ask any woman who has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she will probably tell you that she had strange abdominal pain.  She may say that she had a poor appetite.  She may say that her doctor gave her antacids and to keep an eye on it, maybe it is IBS.  And then out of nowhere she has to go to the ER because the pain is so bad, she feels like she is going to die, and they do a CT scan.  The doctor says she needs surgery and results show ovarian cancer.  
Our surgery is radical, the chemo ravages through our bodies to kill the cancer, leaving behind permanent damage.  Often our abdomen becomes a permanent stomping ground for never ending pain and suffering.
Maybe find the time to go to http://www.whyteal.org/ and learn about it.  This month is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month and our color is Teal.  
I hope every woman learns more about it just so that they have a better say so in how their doctor listens to her concerns if sadly she has unexplained problems, and her inner voice says that something is wrong.
I love you all,
Denise

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Presidential Proclamation -- National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, 2012


Presidential Proclamation -- National Ovarian Cancer   Awareness Month, 2012


NATIONAL OVARIAN CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, 2012
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
This year, thousands of American women will lose their lives to ovarian cancer.  They are mothers and daughters, sisters and grandmothers, community members and cherished friends -- and the absence they leave in our hearts will be deeply felt forever.  During National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, we honor those we have lost, show our support for women who bravely carry on the fight, and take action to lessen the tragic toll ovarian cancer takes on families across our Nation.
Sadly, women are all too often diagnosed with this disease when it has already reached an advanced stage.  Because early detection is the best defense against ovarian cancer, it is essential that women know the risk factors associated with the disease.  Women who are middle-aged or older, who have a family history of ovarian or breast cancer, or who have had certain cancers in the past are at increased risk of developing ovarian cancer.  Any woman who thinks she is at risk of ovarian cancer    or who experiences symptoms, including abdominal pain, pressure, or swelling -- should talk with her health care provider.  To learn more, visit www.Cancer.gov.
Ongoing progress in science and medicine is moving us forward in the battle against ovarian cancer, and my Administration remains committed to improving outcomes for women suffering from this devastating illness.  Through agencies across the Federal Government, we are continuing to invest in research that paves the way for a new generation of tests and treatments.  Through the Centers for Disease Control's Inside Knowledgecampaign, we are working to raise awareness about the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer.  The Affordable Care Act already bans insurance companies from dropping a woman's coverage because she has ovarian cancer, and from placing lifetime or restrictive annual dollar limits on her coverage.  Beginning in 2014, the law will also prohibit insurers from denying coverage or charging higher premiums because a woman has ovarian cancer -- or any other pre-existing condition.
Ovarian cancer affects the lives of far too many women every year, and the tragedy it leaves in its wake reverberates in communities across our country.  This month, we stand with all those who have known the pain of ovarian cancer, and we rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of new and better ways to prevent, detect, and treat this devastating disease.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 2012 as National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.  I call upon citizens, government agencies, organizations, health care providers, and research institutions to raise ovarian cancer awareness and continue helping Americans live longer, healthier lives.  I also urge women across our country to talk to their health care providers and learn more about this disease.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty first day of August, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.
BARACK OBAMA

Thank you kind readers for receiving this important information:

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Sign the Petition to turn Facebook Teal in September

http://www.causes.com/causes/651059-teal-to-heal-turn-facebook-teal-in-september/actions/1678558

Please link and sign this petition.  It is a petition to ask Facebook to turn their pages Teal in September.

Although Facebook historically has never publicly supported any cancer cause, now is the time.

I have desperately been hunting for a phone number, and none to be found.

I researched the EDGAR database http://www.sec.gov/cgi-bin/browse-edgar?company=Facebook&match=&CIK=&filenum=&State=&Country=&SIC=&owner=exclude&Find=Find+Companies&action=getcompany

Here are their public documents.  In their initial filings, they are listed as TheFacebook, Inc with a phone number of 914-646-8593. That number is no longer available.

The recent filings show an address of
1601 Willow Road
Menlo Park, CA  94025

650-543-4800  (editors note, I finally found correct number and called and left a message)

I searched online for the Seattle office location, and found the article referencing the new building.  I have sent the Seattle Facebook Page a message.  I have sent many messages to Mark Zuckerberg.

It is going to take much more effort here just to talk to any live person!  I need a wrecking ball to break down the communications barriers.

Please sign the petition or mail Facebook the petition on Teal paper to add your name to the cause.  We need to flood their offices with requests.

The deadline is just a few days from now and I will do what I can to find a local address.

I apologize, as I am not a professional marketing person, but with your help, I can keep going!!!!

I am in treatment right now, and family matters do take up time, but this is very important.  My life would not be facing such uncertainty if I had been aware of ovarian cancer several years ago.

Thousands of women suffer great pain during this cancer journey, and it can be less traumatic if caught in the early stages.  When caught in the early stages, the 5 year survival rate is 90% or more.

I am not taking donations.  We are asking for time, and that is more precious than dollars.  Your time is more valuable now than ever if you have cancer or any other chronic severe health condition.  Your time will help save the life of another.

It may cost Facebook a few pennies to reprogram the colors of their pages, and add a message and a link to raise awareness, but think of how much of an impact that could make....your loved one may be saved.

Little girls can get ovarian cancer.......so much needs to be done!

I know I am begging but I'm not too proud to beg.....and other organizations that are promoting the same thing, please amp up your requests!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Denise Archuleta


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Chemo dreams are bizarre


I entered this dark multi level home that looked like what you envision as a play house, only real.  All the floors are stacked and open, so you can see each room.  One super long straight stairway started from the bottom floor and went straight to the top floor, bypassing all the other floors.  I think the building has 4 or 5 levels.  None of the lower levels were any of my business as my duties were waiting for me at the top level. 

The room had a lot of iron décor, black and white tiles, and was probably only 5 foot wide by 20 feet long.  With one long side completely exposed, you could see all the appliances in the kitchen. The coal stove, paired with a brand new stainless steel refrigerator.  A porcelain sink below a basket of fruit.  Off to the side a wooden chopping block and a blender.  

To my left was my boss, an elderly heavy set woman with very dark hair.  She ordered me to melt a bag of chocolate chips.  As I started the melting pot, she instructed me to mix some kind of dough together on the countertop.  Her tone was that of a drill sergeant, barking out orders for each little detail of the recipe.  I had rolled the dough into a perfect circle and suddenly she said, “I am ready for the chips NOW!”  So I poured the chips partially melted onto the dough, rolled them into the dough and she shushed me away. Like a pig she just started eating it right off the counter with her hands.  I didn’t move, I just stood there and watched.

When she was done feeding, she gave me orders on how to manage the building.  She was very explicit about the maintenance of the pools, and that they were to be impeccable clear blue.  While she was speaking the house started to turn into a huge massive complex of apartments. 

The structure is enormous, at least 10 stories high, in a perfect square with an open center.  The brick was the color of a deep purple, very sleek and clean.  Off of each level projects an elevated pool, one for each area or apartment.  These pools are a marvel, no support underneath, an architectural feat.  Think cantilever. Looking down on them you see a flower of rectangular shaped basins of deep blue water, inviting and refreshing. 

I felt overwhelmed at the task, managing men who would be risking their lives to maintain these pools because of how they are suspended in air.  With each word of direction a new man appeared in my sight, showing up ready to do his job.  She introduced me to them one by one, but they did not look me in the eye.  They just walked away.

My boss disappears from my view and suddenly the skies turn dark and swirling clouds appear and lightening storms are off in the distance, quickly approaching the complex.  I run from floor to floor to pool to pool to warn the men that they need to get out of the water. They must hurry because lightening is coming fast, they will die!  I can see them now swimming in the pools mocking me, as if I am over-reacting to the impending storm.  They can only see the sky, they cannot see over the building to view the horizon.

With a crackle and boom our bodies jump as a bolt strikes one of the pools.  Luckily no person was in it but this causes all of the pools to shake and turn a deep green color.  The pools are reflections of the skies overhead.  The pools rock back and forth; there are dozens of them on just one level.  Water is flowing over the sides of the pools and I run screaming to the ground floor level. The men are yelling and scrambling to get out of the water. I run to an elevator to get to the main level.

I can see people using the indoor pools on the main level through the glass, and they are screaming trying to get out of the water. We are under attack in this storm.  I am looking for a place to hide and somehow I find myself at a reception desk that towers over me.  Literally I am looking up the nose of some skinny boy with glasses who directs me to the shopping area.  He was not fazed by the storm, just doing his job. 

I find myself in a shoe section fascinated with a pair of red maryjanes.  All the shoes are on sale for $7.99.  I want the red ones, with a soft red leather surface that sports a tiny little flower on the top near the toes.  I love these shoes.  I look and look and look and look for a matching pair.  I can only find mismatched sizes, and only one that fits, not two.  I am disappointed because these are perfect shoes.

A sales woman appears and shows me another pair slightly different. They are a more delicate shoe with a silvery purple finish that looks sort of dressy.  I agree to take them and as soon as I buy them I put them on my feet. Before my eyes they turn from a classy delicate shoe into a pair of handmade knit booties, like what you would see on a newborn.  They went from a beautiful shiny color to knitted pink.  Not a pretty pink, but a muted sort of purple pink, dulled.  They seemed old and used.

Then my phone rang and I woke up………………

Chemo dreams are bizarre......I am still waiting for nausea to pass.  Got very sick the other night....ugh.  Hate that.  I wonder what I will dream tonight.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Chemo dreams..the pull

I opened the closet door, and neatly stacked up on the shelf were antique lunch boxes, three up and four across.  These belonged to my brother, I said to myself.  They were all colors of the rainbow, and although I could not see the  box images, I knew they were of super heroes or race car drivers and their cars.  I closed the folding doors to the closet in a gentle way and smiled.  As I am closing the doors I can literally feel the carpet's resistance and the squeak of the doors.  I can smell mom and dad's clothes, the cologne, the laundry soap.  But they weren't there, just the lunch boxes.

We are in Arvada, Colorado, a nice little neighborhood and our house has a unique layout. The main floor has stairs to the top floor and to the basement.  12 steps each way.  The top floor master bedroom has doors that open over the living room.  

I am standing in the master bathroom.  I can see the black and ivory tiles along the wall.  The black counter top, the walk in shower with black tile and glass doors.  I am standing at the door looking in and find myself peering up towards the top of the door hinges. To my dismay I see the biggest roundest ugliest brown spider ever.  It is dangling along the inside of the door, smiling at me, daring me to move so that it can jump on me.  Frozen I call out to my brother, and he comes running.  

He looks at it and laughs, and looks at me and laughs harder.  Its just a toy, he says and bounces it up and down on it's string.  It looked so real, so ready to bite, so Alive!  I watch my brother toss it around like a baseball, and take off into the mist.  I am still standing there, and I see more spiders.  Little black spiders, nestled inside the door hinges, hiding, hoping I will leave so that they can go about their business.  I look and look and look and decide I've had my fill.  I leave.

I wander into a large room where all the men are sleeping. This room was not in our house, it's one I've never seen before.  It looks like the shape of the top of a barn.  Real long, lots of space. Dad is curled up on a tiny bed, covered from head to toe.  My brother is curled up on a huge bean bag, covered from head to toe.  My sister's husband is sleeping on a cot, no covers, out like a light.  My little nephew appears and he smiles and then asks his daddy to take him out......and my brother takes his hand and they walk away.  I stand there and feel calmness from the sleepy energy. The image fades.

Next I find myself in the basement of a different house and I am being told that I need to make telemarketing phone calls by one of the worst land lords I ever had in my life.  Agh.  She is standing over me like a Nazi in heels, with a horse whip.  In front of me is a laptop, a headset and a dingy desk. My tiny desk is more like a piece of particle board situated on some sort of saw horse.  I have a metal folding chair for comfort and the exquisite lighting is supplied by a single bulb dangling from an electrical outlet.  The studs are exposed and behind me are stacked tool boxes and other things you might find in a basement.  It feels dirty.

The computer auto dials some woman whom I convince to come over for an estimate on wall coverings.  She shows up and without confidence I ask her questions about her home and about what styles of drapery and blinds does she prefer. The woman is heavy set, wearing a blue jacket.  She has short gray hair, and a scowl on her face. She glares at me with each answer and when we are done she walks out of the cramped little room into another room that looks like a diner.  The diner seats look of a maroon vinyl, are back to back with silver ridged tables in between.  

I follow her and suddenly she is sitting next to another sales person from another company, and this other sales person had created a mock up of her new living room on the computer, priced out the job and was ready to leave.  I felt like this other sales person had invaded my house. So I asked the customer if she had agreed to let the other woman do the work and she shook her head no.  I then went in the back of the room where my dingy desk sits.  I found the interior designer and asked him to go talk to her and he did.  I then went over and asked her if she liked him, and she did, and than I said that he was a professional and would do a fantastic job for her.  She half smiled and left.

Next thing I know I am being taken upstairs by Miss Nazi to the dining room.  The room is straight out of the 1950's and the fabrics are a blueish green, not exactly teal, but a little bluer.  You can see the diamond patterns in the couch stitching.  Some pieces are still covered in plastic.  At the head of the table is a very overweight man, balding, older, wearing a ratty white t-shirt and black pants.  He is unshaven sporting a finely crafted toothpick from the corner of his mouth.

He asks me if I want the job.  He says it's all commission and we pay "nice".  Good bonuses.  Suddenly the blue dining room turned into an old hardware store, and plumbing supplies were displayed all along the wall.  This man continues on saying I would be the reason his business grows.  He said tell everybody if they need something they can get it at "Guys place".

Chemo dreams.........................every night it's like this.  And they are so colorful and so strong.  The pull keeps me in my dream, I cannot wake up.  I sleep so much when on chemo and my dreams are so vivid.  

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Complete Love

When all three of us kids were young, there was just one family trip.  I remember it clearly, the last minute rush to pack the car and head towards the mountains.  I can't remember the mountain town but I remember the moments. We still lived in Westminster, so I was probably 10 or 11.   I remember the flowered  green peasant shirt and white pants I wore.  I remember standing at the edge of a lake with my little sister and brother, and being happy.  We had smiles. My sister and brother were so filled with joy.  It was just fun.

I remember the freshness of the Colorado mountain air.  The chlorine smell of the pool. That first jump into the clear water, it feels so crisp and clean.  I remember being under water and daring myself to open my eyes in the pool.  I can hear my gurgles as the air comes out of my mouth and I'm smiling with joy as I try to peak at the sun while under the water's surface.  You feel like you are in another world all to yourself.

The above photo is of me and my mom at the little hotel pool.  

We stayed just one day.  I remember when we left.  We were driving and I was singing in the car.  My dad suddenly turned down the radio, so everyone could hear me sing.  I was so red-faced.

My dad got a severe toothache, so back home we went.  It was a bummer but our short visit will never be forgotten.  

These memories are so precious.  I love my family so much.

Today I needed to relive another memory.  One from the year I got cancer.  I was still in California.  Up at my little church, Holy Trinity, in El Dorado Hills.  I was so afraid.  I was leaning against the wall of the church and I could feel God hugging me.  I needed that feeling, to get me through.  It is there still and you have it too.

Today is a day to find that love in your heart.  Search deeply for that total love and it will make you happy.  There is no other love like it.  

I hope you find it.

Love,
Denise

Friday, August 10, 2012

I had Cervical cancer along with Ovarian Cancer



When I went through my initial ordeal with ovarian cancer, the pathology report also stated that I had severe  dysplasia of the cervix.  Cervical cancer.  I never talk about this because the Ovarian Cancer was and is so dominant.

The  Foundation for Women's Cancer is a great resource that helps women learn about all women's cancers.

I encourage you to take a look at their resources.

Who knows if they are all interconnected?  Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Peace and God Bless

Love,
Denise

Top race banner

  Foundation for Women's Cancer

August 10, 2012 
 
For Immediate Release 
  
More Information: 
 
Karen Bate                                                 Lorraine Chambers 
Nat'l Race to End Women's Cancer          Knock out! Panties 
            703-402-2672                                                               972-771-4404       
karenbbate@gmail.com                             lorraine@knockoutpanties.com  

Wear the Purple Panty to End Women's Cancer! 

[WASHINGTON, DC]  The Foundation for Women's Cancer is proud to announce that Angle Enterprises, LLC, creator of Knock out! Panties is the Official Panty of the Foundation for Women's Cancer, and a sponsor of the 2012 National Race to End Women's Cancer in Washington, DC on November 4th. 

mom and daughterSeptember is Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month and the Foundation kicks off its Fall Campaign with a 72-hour, continuous "Relay Round the White House" by survivors and supporters to raise awareness about reproductive cancers and the National Race to End Women's Cancer in November. Learn more atendwomenscancer.org.
Knock out! partnered with The Foundation for Women's Cancer when the National Race directors, with passion in their voices and empathy in their hearts, approached CEO Angela Newnam."They educated me on the struggles to get attention for these rarely mentioned reproductive cancers. They asked me for help in their cause - to spread the word and to raise research money for these "below the belt" killers, such as cervical, ovarian and uterine cancers. Why me? I am the founder of Knock out! - we make Smart Panties and are very focused on issues below the belt. We are committed to helping educate women and to raise awareness and money for a cure."

Everyone knows about the pink ribbon - but not everyone is familiar with her sister, the purple ribbon, which represents all reproductive cancers. "We strive for similar success in raising awareness about gynecologic cancers," says Karen Carlson, Executive Director of the Foundation for Women's Cancer. "88,000 women are diagnosed each year, and nearly 30,000 die. Our mission is to raise research funds and educate women about how best to prevent, detect, treat and defeat women's gynecologic cancer. We are thrilled to have Knock out!'s support and their sponsorship of the National Race to End Women's Cancer."
 
Gynecologic cancers strike women young and old; the list includes Gilda Radner, Dixie Lee, Coretta Scott King, and Jessica Tandy. Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller and actress Kathy Bates are both survivors of ovarian cancer. National Race Survivors Committee Co-Chairs Jennie McGihon and Pamela Mielnik, both of Alexandria, VA, were diagnosed at 32 and 36 respectively. These GYN cancers are difficult to detect, and the Foundation educates women to learn the symptoms, listen to their bodies and seek care from a gynecologic oncologist, a doctor with specialized training for treating these deadly diseases.

Wear your purple Knock out! Smart Panties, register for the National Race to End Women's Cancer (you can even sleep-in and still support the cause) and get into action to help eradicate women's cancers - below the belt! 
###

ABOUT Angle Enterprises, LLC, Knock out! NO TRACE & Smart Panties
:
Knock out!, NO TRACE and Smart Panties are trademarks of Angle Enterprises, LLC. Based in Washington DC, Smart Panties and other garments manufactured and distributed by Angle Enterprises, LLC contain patented technologies designed to eliminate moisture and odor. The American made garments consist primarily of Supima cotton. Angela Newnam, creator, CEO and founder, holds an MBA from Harvard. Angela is the first woman to win the prestigious Harvard Business School Alumni International New Venture Competition. The company was named one of the Top 15 Global Startups for 2011 by the Kauffman Foundation. Knock out! Smart Panties and NO TRACE products are sold throughout the US and Canada at specialty retailers and online through major web retailers. To learn more, follow them on Twitter @knockoutpanties or visit their web site: www.knockoutpanties.com.

Register today for the National Race to End Women's Cancer!
 
Be sure to "Join" and Follow Race News on Facebook:  

and on Twitter: GYN Cancer: #EndWomensCancer  
   
Support the Foundation for Women's Cancer  
through the Combined Federal Campaign:
CFC Code 86802 
This email was sent to joindenise@yahoo.com by race@foundationforwomenscancer.org  
Foundation For Women's Cancer | 230 W. Monroe | Suite 2528 | Chicago | IL | 60606