work ever?

Today I met with an intake specialist at Voc Rehab.  My hope is that I will qualify for training and assistance with finding a job/new career.  I have a lot of barriers, but also a lot of will.  My biggest goal is to spend my life doing meaningful purposeful activity that helps others and provides me a modest sustainable income.  I want to work from home because I have so many medical issues with my abdomen, nausea, fatigue and arthritis.  I also want a home based career in case I do have a recurrence.

I am doing everything I can to be proactive and a good planner.  If I have a home based career, I can manage my tasks and projects around my medical appointments and health problems.  God forbid, but if cancer returns, I would have freedom to do some things from home while on chemo, if able INSTEAD of possibly losing my job completely due to extensive time off. 

Only employers with 50 or more employees are required to honor Family Medical Leave Act.  I just don't want to work in an office with lots of people playing office politics. I have no desire to "climb the corporate ladder".  I don't even know if I'll be alive in two years.  Nobody knows how long they will live, so why waste your precious life working for someone who dislikes you or hurts you somehow.

Plus, I have a weak immune system, so I don't want to be around a lot of people, I just don't. 

I can't take those kinds of risks.  Negative environments and high stress can aggravate cancer, I don't want any remnants of cancer to be aggravated in my body.  I believe I have every right to find the optimum work situation.  At least I'm going to try my best, that's all I can do.

I don't want to be a government burden, and I don't want to live in "the projects".  Mom and I cannot live together forever, and she needs her life back.  It has been 5 years since I have been able to live in an apartment because of poor finances.

One of my wishes before the Lord takes me is that I can at least have a studio apartment in a safe neighborhood, and feel some sense of dignity.  Am I being selfish?  I need space to re-grow, re-birth, re-ignite my senses.  I want to be a positive influence for my family, not a drag.

I don't know, all I can say is that I am doing the best I can do.

Be Love

Understanding Ovarian Cancer

Update from Oncologist

I met with Dr. Gray today, what a joy.  She shared good news, and I am relieved.  I am still NED and my CA125 is now 10. She said the CT scan showed no new tumors and looked good, so I am relieved.  Recurrence is my biggest fear.

I talked with her about my lingering issues with abdominal pain, fatigue, nystagmus, vomiting etc.  She reinforced that the body can take up to a year to heal from the chemotherapy and surgery.  But overall, I am improving.  I see the Oncologist again in three months.

I need to watch my food intake probably forever, being careful with fiber.  Haven't decided on an allergy test yet, but will just avoid peanuts for now at all costs.

This good news frees my mind and helps me to be more hopeful for the future.  I meet with Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation in a few weeks and need to see if I qualify for any of their services.  I can earn some money in addition to the small disability income I currently receive.  If it is at all possible, my dream would be to have a part time job that is homebased, in advocacy or some form of computer work that has a mild training program.

So off I go to the next step while I continue to rebuild my strength, endurance and digestive health.  Thank you God for blessing me with my mom, sister,brother-in-law, brother, aunts, and uncles who have been so supportive.  Thank you God for giving me friends who have offered laughs, kind words and support from day one.  Thank you God for blessing me with an amazing health team here in Seattle.  God Bless everyone who has touched my life.

Be Love

Update on Breast Health

Today I went in for my mammogram and breast ultrasound.  The nurse practitioner had recommended the ultrasound due to her locating some enlarged dense tissue on my right breast.  Well hallalua and thanks Be to God, no lumps or abnormal tissue was detected today.

Because I am BRCA 1 mutation positive, I need to see the NP in three months for a follow up breast exam, just so she can determine if the area changes ins shape or size.

WHEW!

If I must have a mastectomy, I will have one.  But for now, since the monitoring is going well, it is so so nice not to have to be so worried about breast cancer.  I have enough to worry about with ovarian cancer recurrance rate issues.

So thank you all for your prayers.  Thank you God for watching over me and giving me something to smile about. 

Be Love and God Bless!

Qigong and update

I am really pleased with the Qigong dvd I rented from netflix.  Giam sells this dvd, and I decided that I need to buy it, as an investment in my health.  My internal organs are so screwed up, so touchy, and unpredictable, that I am frozen sometimes unable to leave the house.

Qigong is a series of ancient Chinese postures and movement patterns that help to energize and release your bodies negative energies ( so far as I know).  I have done the exercises a couple of times, and feel more balanced for a bit of time.  It was suggested by one of my OVC sisters to try Qigong, and this seems to be a good fit for me. I am grateful for my OVC sisters.

Had my pelvic CT scan, bloodwork, and breast exam last Thursday.  LONG day.  Reminder, I'm also BRCA1 mutation positive, so I also have 6 month checkups.  Next week I have breast ultrasound and mammogram and also a meeting with my gyno-oncologist.  I've never had anyone give me a breast work-up like that before.  Pulling, poking, stretching, pinching, pushing, rolling...my gosh.  The good news is she found no "lumps" but did find some abnormal dense tissue on the right wall of my right breast, hence the ultrasound.

I am praying for clear pelvic CT and good CA 125/bloodwork.  I will also be praying for a normal mammogram and ultrasound.

I just set up a future appointment with the state Voc Rehab center.  I need to earn more than $600 per month to get my own place.  So I need to find a part time job that pays fairly well and try to focus on what my future can be. 

For now my mom is so gracious and allows me to stay with her, but she needs her space.  She needs a life, so as long as I am not on chemo, I should be striving for a more independent and meaningful life.

I still sleep 12 hours per day though.  I wish I knew why.  Am I still depressed or is that side effects of all my meds????  Not sure, but I must return to a more reasonable sleep-wake pattern.  Maybe I need help.  I don't know, I just have to try harder to get up earlier.

Wish me luck on all my test results.  Love you all.  Be Love and God Bless YOU