My immune system update

Well, at the risk of boring you, I'm neutropenic again, per my primary care doctor. The neulasta has worn off.  In my current condition I must go to the emergency room if I get a fever because my immune system is severly compromised.

I see the hematologist at the end of May.

Now I have to return to living my life "carefully" and be mindful of my exposure to germs, avoid crowds, and do everything I can to boost my immune system.  I'm tired all the time, but not sure how much of this fatigue is post-chemo versus immune suppressed depletion.

I am making a huge effort not to be so self-centered on my health, and it's not so easy when simple things become hard.  My arthritis is getting a little worse.  The weeding did make my hands swell, but I wanted to enjoy nature.  I want to be active, be strong, live life fully. 

Now that I can focus on details a bit better, my post-chemo experiences are much richer.  If you ever know of anyone else who is in the throws of chemo, be patient. 

The fog of chemo makes it so difficult to communicate and participate in activities.  I was listening to a recording of a woman's state of mind while she was undergoing chemo for breast cancer.  She said that she was happy to just stare at the ceiling, no energy for movies or even TV.  I thought, "I can relate".

Anyway, it's still a good day.  My new hematologist seems intelligent, very curious and wants to solve my immunity dilemna.  Hopefully my insurance will approve GSF shots to boost my immune system (won't be cheap).  Hopefully we can find out "why".

In the mean time I am going to get my dictionary out, find the word "normal" and cross out the definition.  I'll then proceed to write "not applicable to Denise Archuleta".  HA!

mother nature

The other day I was blessed with the ability to pull weeds.  Now, that may not sound like a lot of fun, but I was truly in a state of total calm.  The soil dark and rich with nitrates reveals the essence of life.  It had just rained and the soil was soft on my hands, easy on my joints, sweet on my senses.

It reminded me that as our bodies return to the soil, mother earth, our spirit goes with God to be in eternal serenity. (At least that is my belief). 

Touching each grain of richness, saying hello to a few earthworms, and enjoying the fragrance of the dirt and grass caused me to breathe deep and smile.  In the background I could hear the birds singing their stories for all to hear.

For that moment was a beautiful moment.  And for each moment, is a beautiful moment, if only we can create it to be so.

And then I was blessed again on Saturday with a visit from Mandy and her children.  We played, laughed, watched the Kentucky Derby and talked.  Mom was thrilled. It was so wonderful to just take a moment to forget about problems and be happy.

drugs

I just posted a little blurb about the outrageous costs of medications on Facebook.  Not enough space allowed on Facebook to go into detail, so here I will explain what I meant.

In January, the cancer center started injecting me with neulasta instead of another immune system enhancing drug.  Neulasta was great, it lasted three weeks.  What they didn't mention is that neulasta costs over 7 thousand dollars per injection!  My 24 hour stay at the hopsital for Cisplatin cost less than my neulasta injection. 

Thank God a million times over for insurance, but I do have to pay a portion. 

I needed the injection, there is no dispute.  I have been in a fog for the duration of my chemo.  As the fog clears, I am becoming more and more aware of nuances, wondering why I never even inquired as to the medication's cost.  Usually I do ask about costs.

Well, anyway, Congress really needs to find a way to pressure pharmaceutical companies to make their medications more affordable.  They really have an advantage. Like being the only water pump in the Sahara desert, supply and demand rule.

My gratitude remains strong, just experiencing a little irritation.  Here's to better days.