I just saw it on CNN.com: 'He's going to be better than he was before'

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/18/health/fish-oil-recovery/index.html?hpt=he_c1

One of the most traumatic nights of my life happened not long ago. Someone I love more than anyone else on earth passed away.  I am sorting through memories of those teeny tiny increments of time.  It is like trying to catch snowflakes with tweezers.  Then every once in awhile something reinforces the strangeness of that night, the intention that may or may not have been.

I wonder how I would have reacted if I had known about the information in this video at the time we found out there was no hope for mom.  I am certain I would have asked the doctors for fish oil.  I would have fought tooth and nail to at least give it another day, one more chance.

In the above article they talk about saving their son's life  and how they threw "everything but the kitchen sink" at his treatment.

This article is very inspiring. It makes me want to DO something. Sometimes I feel like I am swinging at air. Then after a bit I relax into peace. Up. Down. Up. Down.

I want to turn back the clock.  I want a second chance to have that night again.  But do I?  I would not want for one thought of suffering for mom once more but what if there was a chance? 

After re-reading this post several times I am also remembering though that these events are not choices. We must go when called, and THAT cannot be doubted.  I go through this circle very day, what if and then to God.  God is where Peace lives.

I also have a thousand thoughts about this article, but I will just leave one.  In the case of this boy he had very strong-willed parents who were searching for anything so that their son could be saved.  The right information was presented at the right time, not a coincidence. It is our fortune to learn more about this treatment.

I pray for those who are alone in the hospital that have no voice, no cheerleader, no individual who can stay with them while receiving treatment.  We all need an extra pair of eyes and ears if we are in the hospital.  

I applaud this family, the writer, Dr. Gupta, and the other doctors for revealing this important information.  It adds another layer of help and hope for those with brain damage.

Peace and love,
Denise

Researchers discover ovarian cancer biomarker

Researchers discover ovarian cancer biomarker

Posted from our friend Karen Ingalls

http://www.amazon.com/Outshine-An-Ovarian-Cancer-Memoir/dp/1592984622

Love

I gave my undivided attention to this PBS documentary about Lipizzaner Stallions.  I had heard of these beautiful horses from my mother, and of course my adorable nieces, who loved and love horses.

 I have a funny memory of mom being followed by one of grandpa's racing horses.  She was laughing one of those panicky laughs while trying to keep away from him.  He got out from inside the fence and was running up behind her along the long driveway. I think he liked mom's hair or thought she had carrots and apples.  Anyway, it was pretty comical.  Mom loved horses.

What I found most interesting in this documentary was not just the complex history of this rare breed of horse but truly the love and care that is given to these beauties since their birth.

All I can think about is what love means and how do we show love.  Why can't all humans receive this kind of love?

The horses are well fed, pampered, groomed, bathed and spoken to with gentle care, their entire lives.  

They therefore learn to love back and trust.

It is so simple a concept, yet we humans have such a long way to go when it comes to loving one another.  

Humans have great capacity to love, yet we don't always.  

Imagine every child on the planet clean and bathed, well nourished and only treated with utmost kindness and love.  Not ever a note of anger or violence to be experienced.  Wow.

Just that alone could change the world.  Imagine every elderly person and disabled person receiving the same.  And everyone else.  Love is the foundation of our existence.

When you watch this you will see.......

http://video.pbs.org/video/2364999318/

Love,

Denise

Support Her

I just found a very helpful study that confirms what we knew all along: social support, spiritual health and psychological health correlate with our quality of life, even moreso if you have ovarian cancer.

I am posting the link below, as I cannot copy it to my blog directly.  

This may be a very useful article for your own knowledge and well being.  It also may help you if you need a medical professional to have more empathy towards your overall well-being. It especially adds value in terms of communication with loved ones and caregivers.

I am really fortunate in that my gyn oncologist has always placed my quality of life as her number one priority when it comes to my care.  I currently have a counselor and my support network is open and listens to my needs.  Cancer is complex, ovarian cancer is no exception.  Adding cancer to your already complex life and to the lives of those around you brings about all kinds of opportunities for generosity, but also can bring about sadness and isolation.

If you have ovarian cancer and feel that you need more emotional support, you are not alone.

This article outlines areas of need and validates that supportive environments play a critical role in our quality of life.  Not everyone gets the support they need, but personally I think it's not always because of lack of potential. Giving help and receiving help are sensitive issues in general.  Caregivers and loved ones may not really know how to help and understanding cancer fatigue, for example, is almost impossible unless you know it yourself.

It is somewhat of a relief that this area of need is being studied as it relates to ovarian cancer. I hope to see more research and help in this area for all who are effected by ovarian cancer.  

I have believed since the beginning that psycho-spiritual-social treatment should be automatically included as needed in the overall treatment for ovarian cancer.  Insurance should cover this as well.  We have multitudes of support groups, both online and in community, available to us but the issues at hand can be so involved that a psychologist or psychiatrist may really be needed to help mend our open wounds.

Peace and blessings to you!


http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/pon.3322/abstract

Roland, K. B., Rodriguez, J. L., Patterson, J. R. and Trivers, K. F. (2013), A literature review of the social and psychological needs of ovarian cancer survivors. Psycho-Oncology, 22: 2408–2418. doi: 

10.1002/pon.3322

Happy New Year 2014

Happy New Year!  

Generally speaking, I don't make new year's resolutions.  Instead I sift through the areas of my life where I have done well and not so well.  Then I think about why I did well and what area of my life needs the most work to be the best contribution.  I do my best then to find one goal I can improve upon.

Last year I wanted to be the best daughter I could, get healthier and continue to raise awareness of ovarian cancer, whilst always bringing myself closer to God.

This year I think I did most of that, pry helping too much or where I was not wanted. I did as best I could, but also realized I really lost contact with our Lord.  Not so much on a daily prayer basis, because I pray several times per day.  I have not yet truly engaged in my spiritual community.  This year will change, after reparation the goal is to find a way to renew that committment.

I have been blessed with home ministry communion from my local parish over most of this past year due to extreme fatigue and flares of arthritis.  I will ask Sr. Marie to help me through this to attend mass earlier now that our family is moving through the  most devastating loss we ever could imagine.  Healing from this loss will be a lifelong work, I could have never imagined this pain.  But I also could never imagine the relief knowing that she is with God, safe, free, unhindered by earthly anchors and pains.

I know that helping others heal from cancer and raising awareness of ovarian cancer is part of my mission, I know that cannot be done without an ongoing lifelong dedication to building my relationship with Him.

I want simplicity in 2014.  In the most literal sense.  

I ask for prayers to heal those who are sick, impoverished, burdoned with anger and loneliness, and for those who are missing their most beloved.

Below is a link for a message from Pope Francis.  I found it interesting because he noted the importance of our elders.  I pray that this message rings around the world for our elders give us hope, knowledge, confidence, pleasure, love, grace and community.  One of my mom's most fierce passions were the plight of the elderly in this country, being discarded, marginalized and sent away.  It would bring tears to my eyes at what she would endure sometimes   May this trend change so that pur culture brings the aging parents back into our lives.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/10543818/Watch-live-New-Year-fireworks-and-celebrations-around-the-world.html 



http://vatican.com/news/frame.aspx?url=http://www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/1305423.htm

I dedicate 2014 to my sweet strong loving mom.

I love you!

May each and all of you bring in 2014 recharged, to make just one area of your life in support of community.  For those of you who would like to celebrate the new year in prayer, here is a link that may serve you well:

http://cnsblog.wordpress.com

Missing Our Beloved At Christmas

Christmas Without The Dearly Departed

The tree this year stands at 2 feet, and a tiny string of lights seems just enough.  The complexity of emotions revealed at Christmas just after the death of a dear loved one can be impossible to manage.  We pray for the Grace of God and hope to behave gracefully at this most bittersweet time of year.

To reconcile it all makes no sense.  Be and breathe.  Cry and rejoice.  Trust in Him to comfort you.  We can only do the best we can do, in each hour and day.  Take no stock in the material and offer a smile of joy.    

There is a beautiful poem below the tree:

Christmas In Heaven

We’re wondering what Christmas in Heaven is like  

As we grieve alone and pray,  

longing for one who has gone before  

To spend Christmas in Heaven today. 

And so in our dreams we wander far  

From the scenes and sounds of earth  

‘Til we catch the strains of the Heavenly choir  

As they sing of the Christ Child’s birth. 

The Angels we envision there  

As they join in the restal gay 

And there amid the throng is our Loved One 

Spending Christmas in Heaven today. 

There’s joy in the faith that teaches  

When our life’s work is done 

Of a place in Heaven awaiting  

And the crown we worked for is won. 

In our grief may we learn well the lesson  

So to work and suffer and pray 

As to merit the joys of our loved one  

And to spend Christmas together some day.

~author unknown

Published by TCFAtlanta.Org

http://www.tcfatlanta.org/HolidayPoems.html#~Christmas%20Without

Merry Christmas to you and yours,

Denise

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Love Servivorgirl

Prayer to St. Raphael | St. Raphael Prayer

Prayer to St. Raphael | St. Raphael Prayer

I say this for all of you.  Today was a day that crushed me.  A better light will shine tomorrow.

An Amazing Story Will Soon Be Told

http://youtu.be/aZV53SuPMPU

http://youtu.be/GYMLMj-SibU

It's Always Nap Time: Cancer Related Fatigue

The days pass by in a blur for me.  I am on avastin every three weeks, sleep excessively and am in more pain in my joints now.  The fatigue is what seems to now be causing me the most trouble functioning on a day to day basis.  It is ALL worth it though to keep my ovarian cancer under control.

I am officially "unreliable" if any plan is made that requires my presence before noon.  I have actually missed several doctor appointments, missed following through to go with mom here and there.  Spent much of my sping trip to Colorado sleeping.   I find myself sitting and closing my eyes, no matter how many hours I sleep.

To make matters worse, my schedule is way off whack.  If I lived on the East coast, I would be praised as an early riser.  If I lived in Hawaii my timing would be perfect to arise around 9 am.  Alas, I live in Seattle, the gloomy days are closely falling upon us, and I awake any time between 11 am and 2 pm.

Because my clock is off, I have a hard time falling asleep before 2 am, I work part time hours into the late evening and just cannot unwind fast enough.  I need 12 or more hours of sleep per day and usually sleep through most of Sunday.

My trusted mental health professional and I are working on implementing resources to increase my energy, improve my sleep and cope with the heavy stresses in my life.  I can't talk about it all, but somewhere along the line I made it a mission to do all I can to help others live a happy life.  Nobody should leave this earth sad or deprived.  If there is even a tiny thing I can do, I want to do it.  I am however learning that my good intentions may be applied in the wrong places and at the wrong times.
  

In treatment we are now using the terminology "cancer related fatigue".  This is another one of those things that most people believe goes away about 6 months after treatment stops.  Not always true.  People heal at their own pace and sometimes this healing time does not match the reality of day to day demands.  Getting emotional support during these times is critically needed to find bridges and resources to fill in the gaps

In 2009, starting  my first chemotherapy round with multiple toxic agents (carboplatin, taxol and cisplatin) I totally tanked and was in a deep brain fog, was lost and scared all the time.  I had a very high level of anxiety, and multiple physical issues of abdominal pain, nausea, hot flashes, shortness of breath etc, that added to the fatigue from being poisoned and having cancer.

I regained some strength during my period of NED, but retained severe abdominal pain, severe sweating, nausea and fatigue.  My overall cognition has improved.  Eventually it came to be that I have some sort of panic disorder and the medications I take have helped with that, thankfully.

Being back on chemotherapy now for almost two years for my recurrence has compounded the fatigue. I have been counselled with great compassion that many women live long lives on chemotherapy.  I feel alright with that now.  I did not think I would, but as long as I can tolerate the side effects, I am all in.

During the second time around, with carboplatin desensitization we were able basically keep more tumors from developing, but the existing tumors were still growing.  I think there are around 8, very small, but there nontheless.  With Doxil we were able to stabilize the growth.  I was on Doxil for approximately a year.  Now on Avastin, we are hoping to shrink the tumors by cutting off the blood supply that feeds them.

I am seeing some improvement in my CA125, but am not counting too much on the number, just paying attention to the trend. 

I have treatment tomorrow, and next month I am due for another CT.  

We have a lot going on in our family, just like every other family that is not independently wealthy.  Little time is taken to cross things off the bucket list, so to speak.  We are getting there.  I think all of us could use a real vacation!

To be honest, I have no bucket list yet.  There are things I want to do, but my focus is family and maintaining self sustainability for as long as possible.

The one constant in my life is daily prayer.  When I awake and when I get into bed, I pray.  I thank God for each new breath and pray that others ask for Him to help them. 

Please click on the link below for some information about cancer fatigue.

Cancer Related Fatigue from Cancer Research UK.org

Love to you and yours,

Denise

TED Talks Brave Neuro World

I found this series on "TED Talks" this evening.  I was looking for something interesting, not related to politics or our healthcare system.  Our government is now back in business and the Affordable Care Act remains law.  Finally can rest.

After watching this episode of "TED Talks", I realized that she is right, we need to spend much more time engaged using our right hemispheres.  

Please watch to learn why and also learn some fascinating things about the experience of a stroke.

Peace and Love,

Denise

http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html

Why you should listen to her:One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...

Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."

Affordable Care Act Resources VIDEO

http://www.whitehouse.gov/share/what-obamacare-means-you 

The link above takes you to a really easy to watch and basic video that helps us to understand how this works.  Worth your time.

The Affordable Care Act - also known as Obamacare - means better coverage for those who already have health insurance, and more options for those who don’t, including a new way to shop for affordable, high-quality coverage.

http://www.cancerinsurancechecklist.org/resources/

http://www.ovariancancer.org/health-insurance/

https://www.healthcare.gov/     (I know it has been jammed, but don't give  up)

................

Here is a copy of resources from The White House

Myths and Facts  Link for you

...................................................
State-by-State Monthly Marketplace Premiums

A new report shows that the Affordable Care Act will deliver on its promise to make health insurance more affordable and accessible for Americans who need it. Download the full report

The report, released by the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) finds that in state after state, affordable options will be available through the Health Insurance Marketplace in 2014. Nearly all eligible uninsured Americans (about 95%) live in states with average premiums below earlier projections. And nearly all consumers (about 95%) will have a choice of health insurance companies,each of which offers a number of different plans.

The Marketplace will be run in partnership with States or fully by the HHS in 36 states. In these states, on average, consumers will have a choice of 53 health plans (bronze, silver, gold, and platinum plans), and young adults will have the additional option of low-cost catastrophic or youth plans.

Use the map below to explore a summary of the choices and premiums expected in those 36 states. Final, complete information about all the plans in each state Marketplace will be available via HealthCare.gov on October 1.

Get Started in the Marketplace

Please share information with others.

Main Menu

Time For A Positive Post

I had a very good day at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  I almost didn't get there because I slept until noon.   I fell right back asleep when I got back home from treatment around 6 pm and slept until 11pm.  I am hydrating and eating, feeling sleepy again.

I don't know, maybe when you get cancer you feel more of everything after a while.  I care deeply about the happiness of others.

I was filled with so much gratitude to have access to medical care today.  

I am praying for the government to be running now and for the Affordable Care Act to move forward.  We can always work to adjust problems, but lets get started.

Thank you God for my health team.

Love,

Denise

What the Tea Party Can Do With......

WARNING....foul language.  I NEVER write like this, but the madness must stop!  End the government shutdown now!  Official rant!

I am so exhausted and I cannot fall asleep.  I cannot understand why the stinking tea party thinks they rule the wold. We are maxed out guys....time to stop messing with our lives here.

Try at age 15 getting debilitating rheumatoid arthritis.  Garner all the go getem spirit you can, then lose your career anyway to arthritis.  Go without health insurance for 10 years, learn sales, try to start a company, fail...all the republican go get um things they say to do.....work hard play hard.....burn the midnight oil......and still not make it.    Then be ridiculed for not making it....wow that's the best ever.

Finally get a stable job with a great company, maintain it and have health insurance because of the job, and get deadly ovarian cancer. which by the way haunts me all the time.

I have paid into the system.  I am not a drag on society....And I don't earn my keep on the backs of others either.

I spend my life working......sleeping..........working.........sleeping.........as much time with family as I can since all I care about is family, my kitty, and the world......no vacation in Hawaaii....no savings or 401K to cash in.   hmmmmm,...anyway.....all while still on chemo.  You tea party people are cowards.  Battle the Affordable Care Act on it's own terms, stop holding innocent people hostage. You are like the guy who puts his kids in front of him when his malice is being called out.  

Republicans say I made my bed, so I must lay in it...no matter how hard I worked....close only counts in horse shoes.   At the end of the day...at least we should be able to agree that human beings deserve good affordable health care in the United States Of America!  

We have running water, electricity and the best pool of potential healthcare professionals in the world.

John Boehner can jam a cancer stick up his ass and light it for all I care.....not really,  any stick will do!

If I would of at least had healthcare those 10 years, maybe my arthritis would have faired better and I could have gotten regular checkups.  That would have gone a long way to maintaining better work as opposed to sales work.  Sales is not for me.    A sales rat tried to take advantage of my mom not too long ago.....

Why does the tea party want to hurt people with illness or who have disabilities?  

The Tea party is over, the flavor is gone.....lights out.  Time to end your drunken madness and sleep on it.  Maybe you will regain some compassion in the morning.

You guys are actually hurting people, stop it!  Government workers are putting their lives on the line and not getting paid like you are....they have to wait.  Enjoy your steak while they suffer. Enjoy your wine while moms in the WIC program cry at night because their babies have no formula.  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/08/north-carolina-wic-government-shutdown_n_4066047.html?utm_hp_ref=politics

No Formula for babies.....

"Parenthood" Season 4 : Kristina's Cancer And Other Important Stuff

Just on a side note, I love the Braverman family.  We all need our escape from reality and watching the show "Parenthood" is one of my favorite distractions.

I have been extremely tired, it just gets worse and worse.  When I am not working or with mom I turn on my Roku and catch up on old seasons of my favorite shows.  I need the distraction and who can resist the show "Parenthood".

Season 4 has Kristina Braverman battling breast cancer. For television, I think that they did a fair take on cancer.  It is not a real life documentary.  It did a good job, touched enough on important events and issues related to treatment, fears, complications of treatment and also how family adapts to these challenges.

I was glued to the tv.

Granted, this tv family is whole.  Kristina is not single and wants for nothing.  Those of us with cancer or any serious illness have a harder road if we are single.   

That being said, if you haven't watched season 4, please do so.   I really took advantage of the ability to remotely share with the character, and cry a little.  If you are a caregiver or friend of someone with cancer or any life changing, chronic illness, it can improve your empathy.

I never promote tv shows.  Not my style.  It was nice to have the marathon escape.  Chemo again on Tuesday......thank you God for the medical care.

http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/episode-guide/season-4/615416/

The little joys in life.....

Love,

Denise