Thursday, April 28, 2011
Dating after cancer, complicating
I just had a wonderful date with a guy I met at a hospital here in Seattle. I was shocked that he asked for my number, but I gave it to him anyway. We had met one time before when my mom had a prior surgery, so I was familiar with him. He works there.
He smiled a lot and generates a good "vibe" so I thought, well, what's the worst that can happen?
We chatted on the phone the other day for about 15 minutes and set a date to meet at a
casual Mexican food place for dinner.
I am not sure I'm ready for this step in life. I mean for all practical purposes, I literally have no "date" clothes. I threw all that away when I moved from California, only so much was gonna fit in my car. I needed to make sweat pants a priority. I can't wear jeans any more, so that was just a waste of trunk space. Anyway, a girl likes to dress up, even if it's for a taco. (Actually I had pasole, and it was yummy).
The REAL reason I'm not ready is the obvious, intimacy. Read no further if you don't want to know about all this, but it's part of life and most healthy people have a partner. Truth be told, I only want intimacy with the man I marry. At this point with all I've been through, nothing else is OK.......sigh.
He (J) is cute, funny, adorable and I know that we'd do fairly well for a while. He's fun, but real, down to earth, has kids, is really responsible....hello?????
But I may have a prophylactic mastectomy in the next year or so. What if my cancer comes back? I still have all kinds of icky problems from Chemo, and abdominal pain, etc. My huge scar. Do I really want to get all excited about a good guy only to at the end of the day have to say goodbye because of my cancer issues. I couldn't blame him. He doesn't seem the type, but he has his wishes, just like everyone else.
He knew I had ovarian cancer before our first date, so I gave him an out right away. We talked a little about it again, lighthearted discussion, and he still wants to see me again???
He is so sweet. I want to just take it a day at a time. I haven't been on a date in over two years. Yikes!
So.....I don't know, I'm more comfortable with me and God. God loves me no matter how icky my body is or how much nausea I have or how terrible I look.
People are different. If I'm dating I want to look pretty and not be feeling bad.
Well we have a long way to go anyways, cause we haven't spoken about real important stuff like religion and politics yet. So....really the most important thing is God. Politics aren't really a barrier, he has a good heart, I can tell. But I go to church all the time and want someone who is faithful to God.
I pray he is, and I pray he can accept me. But should it not become more than a friendship, he will be one of my finest male friends here in Seattle. If he wants that.
I don't know what to do here. I guess I'll just go along with what God has presented to me and see what happens. I feel really lucky that I went on a date. I thought that would never happen again.
PS. my neuropsyche results are in, just need to get our appointment set. So I'll be sure to let ya'll know about that.
Peace and Blessings to you all.