CDC Symptom Diary Card

Friday, December 17, 2010

Psychologist moved me to January...Christmas thoughts

Feeling sleepy literally right now, so I hope I don't bore anyone.  Good day to you.

My psychologist cancelled today because she is ill, and they won't let her work in that condition.  The cancer center has high infection control procedures, so I'm just hoping she gets better soon.  This though has thrown me a bit of a curve ball.

My next appointment is Jan 5th 2011.  I'll be paying full price for the consult, and I really didn't want to do that.  My deductible is $2500, so I'll be spending money no matter what until I reach that number, it's just a downer.

I'm not sure yet if I need regular visits, or if a free local support group will suffice.  So I may just skip the psychologist altogether and see how things go with voc rehab.

Part of my depression is that I have no job waiting for me.  The down economy scares me so I am relying heavily on help from voc rehab.  I don't even have a dress or suit to wear to an interview.

I stick to my beliefs that there are no accidents and need to keep my faith clear and strong.  I just need a little help, a little nudge, a little more energy, and the right place to work.

I did my 20 minutes of quick exercise activity, felt good.  I just ran in place and did some aerobic movements to get the blood pumping.  My arthritis is acting up, the soles of my feet hurt..............but can't let that stop me.

I'm so excited for Christmas, still need a special gift for mom.

I'M TRYING TO  LIVE AS IF THIS IS MY LAST CHRISTMAS.  So I'm wanting to get out the cards, and presents to special people.  I guarantee you members of my family are frustrated because they don't want me to spend any money, they just want me to save my change.  I am so grateful to have such a protective family and they are right, I should save all my money.

But this Christmas was not too expensive, really.  I have total faith that God is taking care of me.  It's going to be OK.  I will not be a drain on my family and will be able to take care of myself.............

But at the same time, what if this is my last Christmas?  I could have a relapse before next Christmas and it's possible treatment won't work.  So today is the day to give, not waiting until I'm earning more money.

That's the problem living in NED land.  Nobody can give me any solid answers so I can't make any solid plans or decisions.

Christmas is the most special holiday for me.  I love Christmas.  Easter is hard for me, I just really get emotional, and it's just not the same.  It's a greater joy, on Easter, but the week before Easter and Lent is a lot of work and inner soul searching.

So Christmas is just joyous and a time for freely giving.  I just want to give what I can.

Love you.

Merry Christmas


  1. I hope you have many, many more NED Christmas's! I wish you all the best and all of your dreams coming true. Here is a link that I just found about juicing cannabis (pot)

    Lots of love to you,

  2. Hi Jayne,
    Thank you for the link. Wow. I hope you have a good Christmas..........lots of love to you too.


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