Thursday, July 15, 2010
I have been relishing in the warm weather, joyfully awaiting each day knowing that I can actually walk outside and be comfortable. Seattle's summer is short. We have a small window of opportunity to do what we want in order to feel "satisfied" before the tiring rains begin again. There is little time to worry or wonder about regrets or postpone plans.
That is sort of what I feel in terms of my well being. I don't want to live my days with regrets, unanswered calls, forgotten business, unresolved matters of the heart and will, issues with the past etc. Yet each day I am faced with an opportunity to do something to resolve some thing.
I opened my mouth today and accidently revealed something that was not supposed to be said to another. The mistake was truly a mistake, I was not aware that this condition existed and now I feel bad. The problem is that this one incident is part of a larger festering unresolved conflict that involves a group of people I love dearly, and we are all involved. It's a matter of long standing problems that have caused immeasurable pain for others, and there seems to be no resolution. It is simply a painful situation, and my heart breaks because I want to wave a magic wand to make it go away. I want to turn back the clock and do things differently. I want to fix it. I can't. It hurts.
So I apologized for making my mistake and I apologize again.
So how and why do we continue to live our days knowing that we have unresolved conflicts, pain and anger, nestled in each fiber of our being? Why can't we just fix our lives? Why can't we instantly forgive and forget, let people be who they are and have no expectations. I don't know but if we lived our lives by only loving one another we would all be happier.
I will continue to make right my wrongs as best I can until I die. I have had a brush with death, just enough to appreciate forgiveness and love. I have to work hard each day to be what I preach, so to speak.I am far from the best example. I will pray for all I love to live a life of love.