Sunday, July 18, 2010
I still sleep 11 to 12 hours per day, no matter what time I go to bed. No matter
what I do the day before. I wonder if my medications cause me to be so
sleepy or if I'm still depressed.
This is a concern because eventually I need to really live a life that has some sense of normalcy. Maybe "normal" isn't what I need to strive for. In the world of my imagination I see myself running a non-profit organization that helps women blindsided by ovarian cancer. In another world I do good deeds for the homeless.
In another world, I make pottery and sell it on etsy, donating a portion to
ovarian cancer research.
I wonder if I will ever live alone again or have my own apartment. I guess that is not really important. I really enjoy being with mom, even on our "bad" days.
I sometimes think she tires of me.
Whatever I do in the future, I can't be sleeping 12 hours per day.
I am still very anxious about being in large crowds because of my neutropenia. Yesterday my sister's girls participated in a karate demonstration at a Seattle event called "Bite of Seattle". I really wanted to go, but my WBC is low and I should be getting a shot for that this coming week. Plus, I have this huge fear of getting severe nausea and vomiting still.
I hope I'm not turning into a basket case.
I did speak with a kind woman from Cancer Lifeline (local support organization) last week. She invited me into the center to take a tour. I'm moving at a snail's pace on reaching out for support, but it feels right to me. I must be driving my sister nuts, she is really pro-active and doesn't waste time.
I love her so much.
Anyway, I need to find a way to get up each day by 8am. That is my short term goal for this week. Let's see if by the end of the week I can awaken at a normal hour.