chemoland

Hi everyone,

I had a respite from blogging because I started chemo, and have been a bit on the down side. I have been required to get a daily lab draw, and injections of Neupogen to boost my immune system as needed. My patience has been on the thin side, sitting in the waiting room every day. AND, I still have to do all the things you normally would need to do if you were moving. I am exhausted, didn't even make it to church today. I get another dose of chemo in three days, and really can't say that I'm excited. The blessing here is that I CAN get chemotherapy and that it could finish the surgeon's handywork.

The side effects kicked in about 24 hours after the treatment. I got nausea just pressing on my tummy, not fun. My fatigue is over the top, but I'm managing. Nothing tastes good and I still have to be careful about what I eat. I still have abdominal pain from the surgery!

I have been informed that I will start losing my hair next week. Not sure what to feel about that either. I went looking for a scarf or wrap yesterday, no luck. Too tired to shop around. Hair grows back, so it's not too big of a deal. The thing I am dreading is feeling sickly. THAT I can do without. I don't do "sick" well, never have. Pain, I have been able to manage, but "sick", not so much. Hopefully I will be able to DEAL and find ways to get mental and spiritual control over the side effects of poison streaming through my body.

I have met so many wonderful people who have suffered through chemotherapy and they seem to be doing well, and look "alive". So I keep their images in the back of my mind.

I get to see my brother and sister in less than a week! Yeah! I am praying for their safe travel. I am so excited to see them. This week is going to be very busy, getting the final preparations made for moving, while each day getting lab work, or chemo, or iron treatments. It is a bit exhausting. There is still so much to do, sigh.

Hopefully I can visit my church after my IV iron treatment on Monday.

This must sound so boring, but it is my life now. Managing my cancer has suddenly become a full time job, literally. Managing meds, keeping my journal, daily appointments, trying to get to the store, what to eat, can I eat?

Someday we will treat cancer not with poison, but with intelligent nano-medicine, that only destroys cancer cells. That technology exists already, I just wish it was in use today.

I thank God for my family and friends. Thank you for getting me through this nightmare. Love, Denise

answering prayers

Well, this is a note dedicated to Mandy and Pat, for they were the ones who worked tirelessly searching for insurance. Well, we may have struck oil on this and I am eternally grateful to my sister and her husband, for I could not have done that work.

My surgery had me so incapacitated, they had to do the legwork for me and now I don't have to worry about trying to find a way to receive chemotherapy in northern California. We received an acceptance letter, but need to wrap up details, so it's 99% complete!

I don't want to jinx this by giving away details. I have been in a stupor since yesterday. I am shocked, excited beyond belief and sketptical all at the same time.

I believe that I am on a river, in a well guided canoe, and we are coming upon rough waters, but after those waters lies a calm flow, where I can gently rest upon the shore. I am not in control of this canoe, it is God. I believe this to be true, fully in my heart and soul because every step of the way of this journey has caused me to demonstrate resistence to all these changes, enough that would make anyone want to quit on me.

My family has stuck with me and prayed. My friends, old and new, are praying. Members of my church are praying, and of course I am praying. I pray mostly for those who have to deal with my emotions, which are everywhere.

I thank God and Mandy and Pat for this critical component of my recovery. I am so excited that I can be with them and my mother, and get through chemo with support.

God wants me in Seattle, that's all I can say.

Thank you all for your support. I start chemo on Monday, just a light dose, so I should be fine. I guess we'll see. My brother is coming in a few weeks, can't wait to see Arnie. Yeah! And then Mandy and I will be on a plane.

I'm nervous and excited. My life is literally starting over. Thank you again!

Love,
Denise

President Obama

Hello everyone,

First of all: thank you family and friends again for all your love and support. I am limited on energy for a good reason, now I can drive. The only problem is that it kills me to drive, still painful and exhausts me. Too exhausted to talk this evening. Luckily the driving is all within 5 miles (Dr. Office, post office, store, pharmacy). I was so tired at Target that I had to rest on the lawn chair display.

I am very happy though, because I have seen cows, horses, restaurants, parks, people. Wow, I forgot what john "Q" public is like. So today I am gratefully accepting my new pains that have come with a dose of freedom. I have received two shots of Neupogen to boost my immune system, and will need a blood test each day this week.

President Obama tried this evening to send a message, let's take care of each other without bankrupting ourselves, businesses or our country. Personally, I think the most charitable, humane, and democratic solution requires that we restructure the entire health care system and have socialized health care. BUT, that is not realistic. I LIKE WHAT OUR PRESIDENT HAD TO SAY.

A Public Health "Exchange" was what I heard, as opposed to "public government option". If I am wrong, go ahead and correct me. I like the idea of the individuals being able to "coop" into a larger plan as individuals so that they can pay rates comperable to individuals who receive employer sponsored health insurance. But there are many citizens who would not even be able to afford that. The "working poor" may still lose out, but I pray that is not the case.

It is just so hard to defend profit driven health care, but America is based on opportunity. I guess if it doesn't work out, I can move to Canada..ha!

So I wish our President the best and pray that the Legislative branch of our government stops bending over for the insurance and drug companies, and starts bending over for their consituents. Isn't that why they are there, to serve the public? That wasn't very dignified statement, was it. Oh well, I want them to be on my side, your side, your family's side, so that we can all be healthy.

Nighty night