Someone to talk with

Finally today I received a call from the psychologists office.  Yay.  I need to address my anxiety about being in limbo land.  For the last two days I have woken up at 5am and tossed and turned, falling back asleep around 8.  I was too tired to get out of be at 5am.  Unfortunately I also then proceeded to sleep until 11:30 or noon.

Currently I need to take Paxil and Lorazepam.  Once again, like clockwork, I had a wave of nausea and anxiety flow through me around 2:30 today.  I just don't understand it.  I literally walk in circles, not knowing what to do next, feeling like I'm going to throw up any second.  But after I take my Lorazepam, it calms in about 20 minutes or so.

I'll see the psychologist in the next week or so.

I was able to get an appointment with a Naturopathic Doctor for next week, just under the wire in terms of insurance coverage.  (January is just around the corner and I have a high deductible).

I don't have that Christmas spirit yet, but hope to soon.  Maybe mom and I can get our tree up soon, that always helps.  Little extra money makes shopping hard.  All we're doing this year is buying for the kids, it's just too much.  I'd love to be able to pay for a big family getaway, so we can all get some relief from our ills.

Peace and God Bless

Progress with resume, still boxed in

I feel like there is a screw at the bottom of my feet, and I'm spinning in circles, locking myself down.  It's just a terrible feeling.

Yesterday I went to get my hand splint/fitting for my RA, and for about an hour prior to my leaving, I was anxious, nauseous, and had abdominal pain.  I took a lorazapam and 2 colace, had some yogurt and just sat still.  This sense of panic/nausea consumes me every day around the same time (between 2 and 3pm).  How will I manage this when I get some work?  I worry that a recurrence may be under way, but then worry I worry too much.  HA

Made it home fine, splints are awkward, but necessary.

I now have my printer and have updated my resume.  It's sitting here with a huge gap, begging the question "what did you do since July of 2009?"  I have a feeling that my only good strategy will be to take a strong, bold approach, and tell them I won a battle with cancer and now I'm back.  They don't need to know that there's 80% chance it will return, heck I probably didn't need to know that either.

I had nightmares last night, woke up at 5am, fell asleep again at 8am and woke up at noon. Not good overall.  My abdomen is tight, and I feel like lead.  So I managed to review some more web based information about "ticket to work" and found nothing helpful. 

All I really need is a part time job in my neighborhood, that is not stressful or heavy duty, for now.  I feel like I can't move from this couch and "get out there". 

I was supposed to go to the cancer center to receive holy communion today, because I missed church this past weekend.  The cancer center offers communion on first and third wednesdays of each month.  I'm feeling bad, totally incapable, for missing that.

My joints hurt more today too.......................I wish Mom could have a beautiful retreat and get her "artist on" again, and I wish I could go on a retreat to get my "life on" again. 

So if you are in remission and looking for a new job, I feel for you.  The resources are limited.  Hang in there.....one day at a time, I guess.

I guess today I am blabbering, because that is how I feel today.  Need umph!

Be Love and God Bless

That Girl...tales from the edge: Allowing myself the luxury...

Perspectives from a woman who is BRCA2 mutation positive, electing a prophylactic mastectomy.


That Girl...tales from the edge: Allowing myself the luxury...: "It is always interesting to talk with someone who doesn't quite know my full story...I will always feel the need to quickly clarify I never ..."