50 YEARS AGO

I am in a complete state of awe, joy, sorrow, amazement, gratefulness and peace.  The woman at the top of this page is my beloved and dearly departed mom.  She goes by Jane.  She brought me into this world on this day 50 years ago.  It breaks my heart that she is not here today as I celebrate a milestone that I thought I would never see.

In this photo we are enjoying lunch at a little place in Ballard (Seattle).    It is called "The Barking Dog".  I remember that day so much because she was so excited to sit outside and get some warmer fresh air.  In Seattle it is not common to enjoy a meal outside because it can be chilly, even in the summer.

Once we got settled onto the patio we talked, laughed and shared a nice lunch.  These simple times with mom and other times with the people I love are what make me happy. 

I am grateful for these moments.  I am grateful for every drop of daylight. Every shimmer of moonlight. I am grateful for every conversation, meal, celebration, cup of coffee, family gathering and chance to say hello. 

I am grateful for every situation that tried my patience and gave me a chance to grow.  I am grateful for every person who made me look at myself and my life and challenge me to be better.  I am grateful for every way that I could contribute and give someone else a reason to smile too.

I am grateful for my family: mom, dad, sister, brother, nieces, nephew, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all the wonderful friends I have made along the way. I am grateful for my doctors, nurses and support persons.  I am devoted to God.  I have stories to tell about the angels and saints. 

I also am grateful for the chance to be on the Today Show with my mom.  THAT was pretty amazing.  For my sister who rode the Seattle Great Wheel with me.  For my aunt, sister and brother, old boyfriends and Barb for literally plucking me off the ground after surgery to get me to Seattle for chemo.  For countless favors and kind gestures from others to keep me here....wow!

My sister especially gave so much of her precious time, of her heart, to be there and do what needed to be done.  All those trips to chemo, hospitals.  Plus helping with mom.  Both she and my aunt stayed with me before I moved to Seattle.  Oh and my brother drove my car to Seattle for me. 

Today I am on maintenance treatment with Avastin and starting a new regemin for my rheumatoid arthtitis, that has gone out of control.  With that I am resting up from the trauma of losing mom.  I am in a much better place than before.  I feel hopeful.  I feel like I am more on purpose.  Even though many things are changing all around me, there are things I am supposed to be doing.  I want to get them done.

I am very excited about what the future can bring. 

I was not actually planning that this post would be this way.  There is lots going on, especially with recent changes in recommendations for gynecological health care exams.  Cancer changes you and everyone around you.

I can write about all that another day.  Mom would want that, she was an activist at heart.

Today my dad called.  I spoke with my sister.  I received cards from my aunt and dad.  I have a special gift from my sister later today.  I am going to be talking with my aunt and brother today. 

Woweeeeeeee!

I am thrilled to be here to do all of this! I need nothing material.  I just want to give love and be loved.

The little video of the bees was taped at my mom's home.  She had beautiful lavendar bushes. They attracted the most amazingly large and puffy black and white bees.

Mom, until I see you again.....

Thank you God for this day today. 

Love to all.

Denise