I have been keeping busy. I went to a movie (Tom Cruise) with friends Monday evening. Tuesday was a long day at the hospital for my bone scan. I felt better emotionally, in spite of my nerves. Forgiveness is a process.
I feel like I live in an asteroid field right now. My new oncologist needs a baseline and I do not want to have to think about more mets. I can't avoid it though. Monday was not a good day mentally or emotionally but I am coming around. I am tired of cancer mets, this whole issue is an asteroid field. I want to travel and do good things.
The only thing I can do is pray for Jesus to use my suffering for His will. It takes a LOT of work for me to get in this space.
After my bone scan yesterday I went to adoration, prayed the Rosary and confession. That was followed with Mass. I cried of course because of my brother and prayed to not be in this asteroid field any longer. I prayed for my enemies. I just want to have a joyful heart no matter what.
Later today I find out the scan results. I will write that all out tonight or tomorrow. Every time I talk about cancer I get upset. Every time I talk about my previous gynonc and his social worker I get upset. It doesn't mean forgiveness is lacking but I live in an asteroid field and that could have been prevented.
Peace
