Nobody Has Ovarian Cancer: The Soft Whispers of a Fierce Blow

Monday, April 11, 2011

CA 125 and chemobrain

Well, to start off with the good news, I received copies of my labs and my CA125 is 8! I am so so so happy, I almost feel bad about. There are so many OC sisters struggling right now with rising levels, recurrences, and in the midst of treatment, and I don't want to gloat. I just want to mention it so that you all can see that there is hope a year after chemo ends. Thank you God.

Although there is no guarantee that my level will stay low, I FEEL stronger and more confident that now is the time for me to do something that will make a difference. I have some fundraisning and awareness ideas for the Seattle area, and I'm awaiting the completion of some brainstorming sessions before I share. I've spoken with a local cancer support group and am awaiting their response. I can't do it alone, but I think my ideas are unique and valuable opportunities for the Seattle area.

Chemobrain is one of three enemies right now.

Chemobrain, abdominal MAYHEM and rheumatoid arthritis are always crashing my party.

As you know I received bad news on my aptitude testing. I am scheduled to see a neuropsyciatrist next week (or is it neuropsychologist) for a major battery of testing. We'll see.

They are trying to figure out why there was such a descrepency between my verbal and math and abstract thinking. Do I really want to know how mushy my brain is? Or is this the start of something good? I think overall if I know my strengths and weakness, I won't start down the wrong road when it comes to work. AND, I can target my mental rehabilitation better.

My testing also shows I want to remain isolated. The only thing is, a big huge reason I want to stay away from crowds is that I have a weak immune system. I think that detail is not clarified in the psychological testing, so it looks like I am a complete hermit. I tend to be a homebody, but I did used to have a life before my chronically weak immune system reared it's ugly head. Oh well, what can I do?

My WBC/and neutrophils are currently below normal, so I am susceptible to bacteria and viruses. THAT is why I don't go out much. I'll try to explain that to the tester, but we'll see.

He said that there's nothing more I can do to prepare for it, just be ready. To tell you the truth, I'm nervous.

I know I have memory problems. I forget things all the time, and as I've said before, my personality is different. I feel almost like a child, weird. I just want to PLAY.

Can I get a job where I play all day?????? Ha, that would be true joy.

I was so happy to go to church last evening and have an opportunity to pray deeply for my family, friends, doctors, OC sisters and other friends with cancer who are in pain. I pray for you every day.

Thanks for taking time to check in. I'll send a note about how the testing session goes. I haven't a clue as to when I'll get the results.

By the way, after the testing, Dept of Voc Rehab plans to put me in a community based job setting to see how I actually do at "work". Nervous about that too, but I need it.

Peace and God's Blessings to you.

Love,

Denise

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Fantastic doctor appointment

After being up most of the night with worries, I was able to come home today from my appointment and take a long nap.

I saw my wonderful gynoc today and received excellent news. She can't see any cancer for now, Yay Yay Yay. I went in early for a chest/abdom/pelvic CT scan and blood test, as part of my usual 6 month routine.

Because of the ongoing abdominal issues, I was concerned that cancer may be returning, especially since I still sleep almost 12 hours per day.

She spoke to those issues and said that I just need to keep exercising, and keep doing more, because I am getting better.

I distinctly remember that my overwhelming joy today was so different from my emotion this time last year. Last year I was cautious, numb from chemo, super tired, and really couldn't believe I had made it. NOW, I am here with great results and plan to cherish each precious moment God gives me.

Even though the vocational testing indicates me to be cognitively challenged right now, I am going to do all I can to get my brain back together and working well.

But at the end of the day, if today is how the rest of my life goes, I am the luckiest person on earth.

Thank you God for bringing me my doctor and family and friends to help me survive the incredible challenge of ovarian cancer. I will post more on this, I just wanted to get the exciting news out.

Peace, Love and God Bless