I feel stuck today
I'm standing at the top of a tall narrow pillar, blindfolded
Frozen
Fearful of any movement in any direction
Why, I do not know
Be Love
CDC Symptom Diary Card
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
wants
I could be anywhere doing anything
I want to be here
I don't want to be in a crowd of people I don't know
I want to recognize the smiling faces around me
I don't want to be alone yet I want a private space
I don't think I can rely wholy on myself as of yet
But I want to be free and independent
I wish no more pain or sickness to be inflicted upon my body
I just want grace and peace
Will I be a blessed recipient of peace, grace and strength?
Can it be so?
I want to be here
I don't want to be in a crowd of people I don't know
I want to recognize the smiling faces around me
I don't want to be alone yet I want a private space
I don't think I can rely wholy on myself as of yet
But I want to be free and independent
I wish no more pain or sickness to be inflicted upon my body
I just want grace and peace
Will I be a blessed recipient of peace, grace and strength?
Can it be so?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Update from oncology appointment
I saw Dr. Gray today. It was so nice to see her, she was very encouraging. My CA125 is 8, which is really good. Her exam revealed no concerns. I told her I was still foggy and got tired easy, but was doing better. We spoke again about possible recurrence and reviewed the symptoms. Again, with ovarian cancer, it's all about subtle changes.
She was so kind in trying to speak with me realistically about recurrence, saying that for a group of women, there is no recurrence. There is no way to predict for me if I will fall in or out of that group. So I need to continue to take life day by day, and use each 3 month check-up as a mini-milestone of progress.
She encouraged me to try to be as active as possible and if it felt right, join a support group like Gilda's Club. She is right. I just haven't had the energy to join a group yet, but it's getting time. Especially since this first year or so after chemo is so uncertain.
When I came home I was just so extremely exhausted. I think emotionally it drains me to confront my situation. I don't dwell on it, but it lingers every day, like stagnant air, suffocating at times.
On other days I feel so happy and excited, I have a second chance. So I exist rolling up and down these hilly trails each day striving to make a difference.
I pray for God to continue to lead me in the right direction, making my eyes and ears sensitive to His calls so that I may serve.
I felt better after my nap today. Sleep always helps me.
On to tomorrow and a fresh start once again. I have a wonderful oncologist and am so grateful for her.
Be Love
She was so kind in trying to speak with me realistically about recurrence, saying that for a group of women, there is no recurrence. There is no way to predict for me if I will fall in or out of that group. So I need to continue to take life day by day, and use each 3 month check-up as a mini-milestone of progress.
She encouraged me to try to be as active as possible and if it felt right, join a support group like Gilda's Club. She is right. I just haven't had the energy to join a group yet, but it's getting time. Especially since this first year or so after chemo is so uncertain.
When I came home I was just so extremely exhausted. I think emotionally it drains me to confront my situation. I don't dwell on it, but it lingers every day, like stagnant air, suffocating at times.
On other days I feel so happy and excited, I have a second chance. So I exist rolling up and down these hilly trails each day striving to make a difference.
I pray for God to continue to lead me in the right direction, making my eyes and ears sensitive to His calls so that I may serve.
I felt better after my nap today. Sleep always helps me.
On to tomorrow and a fresh start once again. I have a wonderful oncologist and am so grateful for her.
Be Love
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