CDC Symptom Diary Card

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Crying all day

Today has been horrible.  It hit me like a brick that being compromised, not able to do all that a person wants to do in life, when it comes to being with the people you love, is just devastating.  I had been crying and crying and crying and praying for God to give my mom just a few days of freedom from her trials and angst.

It all started with the image of my mom being able to drive her grand kids to a vacation park, play in the sand or have a picnic in the mountains.  For some reason this image caused an emotional break today.  A total collapse.

A miracle happened.  She called to say that her kidneys are doing better.  There is a possibility that she may be able to take a break from dialysis.  WOW  Now this needs to be tested and be verified, but even a little break would improve everything.  She is so much healthier since her heart surgery.  I have desperately wanted for her to have some normalcy.  I have been praying and who knows exactly why but this is such great news.  She is still in shock.  This is her above, isn't she so beautiful!!!!!!

When we go out together, and people learn she is my mom, the look at me like I'm lying.  Really?  Really?  They say to her how wonderful she looks!  They always think I'm her sister.

I have been really emotional all day.  AND I have this weird numbness on my face.  I left a message for the gynonc, and I'm sure they will address it.  My right upper gum, part of the right side of my nose has been numb.  This has been since chemo, but it wasn't too noticeable or I thought it would get better.  Not sure.  Maybe it's just a dental issue (I lost a front tooth to chemo about 6 months ago and wear a prosthetic).  Maybe my prosthetic needs to be replaced.  I'm certain that is it............but it's just weird.

I'm feeling trapped and stuck.  I want to fly.  I want to run away.  This news about mom is just so precious and uplifting.

I created a little bluegrass station on Pandora, and I love it.  It's so fun to listen to bluegrass.  It's like so awesome.  It gives me little happies.

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so hugely happy for mom, thank you God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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