Land of the Lost

Does anyone remember the first Saturday morning TV show called the "Land of the Lost"?  It opened with a dad and his two kids on a raft going down a waterfall and arriving in a land of ancient times.  Dinosaurs and reptiles and really big strawberries abound!  I feel like I am in the land of the "lost" still.  I know I've been harping on this chemo brain stuff but it's really annoying me.

First of all, every time I go to see my counselor, I get lost on the way there.  And to make it worse, because  I just moved, I go in the wrong direction all the time.

This IS Seattle though, so I don't take all the blame.  For those of you who don't know what it's like to drive in Seattle, it's a maze.  There are a lot of lakes and bridges and hills and there are no grids out here.  Streets are windy and go in all directions............so anyway.

I had another cognitive test done at Fred Hutchinson a few days ago, got lost on the way there, got lost in the building, and I've been to that campus only a million times.

Had to go downtown last night for work training, got lost on the way there, got lost on the way home.

I am having trouble with my new job because I can't remember how to search on their computer to research answers and solutions and information for my clients.  That is really worrisome for me...........not good.

It's so hard to explain that I can't "find' information quickly.......and then I forget how I got there.

It's like the homing device in my brain went kerplunk.  I'm sure there's a specific part of our brain that recalls visual tracking, I should remember that, but I don't.

Before chemo, my directional memory was awesome.  I am not gloating.  I used to drive all over the place and rarely got lost.  Plus, at work I was the person other's relied upon to remember appointments and important deadlines, etc.  I was a super organized person.

Now, I can't remember to make my to do list and when I make my to do list, I forget to use it.  Crazy.

Then, oddly enough, during the test, I was good at remembering numbers.  Weird.

I guess my concern is really about being able to stay in a good standing at work.  I had no idea that I would have such a hard time learning new things.  I was such a good student in college, and was able to memorize all kinds of things, no matter what kind of job I had.  I even did some community theatre for a bit, and that required an above average memory.  Sooooooooooo, all I can say is that chemo did a number on my noggin'.

I do have hope though that this will continue to improve over time.  But if I forget to do something or forget a name or forget an event, please forgive me.  I am not offended by reminders either, and welcome them as a matter of fact.

Like, the other day, after my cognitive testing, I met with a teal sister for coffee before getting mom at dialysis.  My friend asked me how my day was and I couldn't remember where I had been.  I laughed and said "I don't remember............wait..........oh ...........This is funny but I forgot that I went to do a memory test this morning".  I just laugh at myself now, but when it comes to work, that isn't funny..........aagh

Life could be worse...................I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brain image compliments of http://www.pbs.org/