Thursday, November 10, 2011
Land of the Lost
Does anyone remember the first Saturday morning TV show called the "Land of the Lost"? It opened with a dad and his two kids on a raft going down a waterfall and arriving in a land of ancient times. Dinosaurs and reptiles and really big strawberries abound! I feel like I am in the land of the "lost" still. I know I've been harping on this chemo brain stuff but it's really annoying me.
First of all, every time I go to see my counselor, I get lost on the way there. And to make it worse, because I just moved, I go in the wrong direction all the time.
This IS Seattle though, so I don't take all the blame. For those of you who don't know what it's like to drive in Seattle, it's a maze. There are a lot of lakes and bridges and hills and there are no grids out here. Streets are windy and go in all directions............so anyway.
I had another cognitive test done at Fred Hutchinson a few days ago, got lost on the way there, got lost in the building, and I've been to that campus only a million times.
Had to go downtown last night for work training, got lost on the way there, got lost on the way home.
I am having trouble with my new job because I can't remember how to search on their computer to research answers and solutions and information for my clients. That is really worrisome for me...........not good.
It's so hard to explain that I can't "find' information quickly.......and then I forget how I got there.
It's like the homing device in my brain went kerplunk. I'm sure there's a specific part of our brain that recalls visual tracking, I should remember that, but I don't.
Before chemo, my directional memory was awesome. I am not gloating. I used to drive all over the place and rarely got lost. Plus, at work I was the person other's relied upon to remember appointments and important deadlines, etc. I was a super organized person.
Now, I can't remember to make my to do list and when I make my to do list, I forget to use it. Crazy.
Then, oddly enough, during the test, I was good at remembering numbers. Weird.
I guess my concern is really about being able to stay in a good standing at work. I had no idea that I would have such a hard time learning new things. I was such a good student in college, and was able to memorize all kinds of things, no matter what kind of job I had. I even did some community theatre for a bit, and that required an above average memory. Sooooooooooo, all I can say is that chemo did a number on my noggin'.
I do have hope though that this will continue to improve over time. But if I forget to do something or forget a name or forget an event, please forgive me. I am not offended by reminders either, and welcome them as a matter of fact.
Like, the other day, after my cognitive testing, I met with a teal sister for coffee before getting mom at dialysis. My friend asked me how my day was and I couldn't remember where I had been. I laughed and said "I don't remember............wait..........oh ...........This is funny but I forgot that I went to do a memory test this morning". I just laugh at myself now, but when it comes to work, that isn't funny..........aagh
Life could be worse...................I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brain image compliments of http://www.pbs.org/