Monsters and soul mates

I had a long dream last night, did not wake until 7pm today. In this dream I found myself to be a different woman. I was visiting people for a celebration of some sorts. The house was a mansion, three stories tall and the top level was all glass. The main level, top level had a grand room with a never ending white leather sofa that was in the shape of a semi-circle. It consumed most of the room. The flooring was of wood and the walls had modern colorful paintings, and on the center wall was a huge fireplace.

I have no idea why I was there because in the dream I knew nobody. I remember looking at my face in the mirror, and amongst a sea of beautiful people, I was disfigured. I had double eyebrows, one underneath the other.

This was most unfortunate for me as I met who I believed to be my future husband there. Every other woman was a model, and there I was, short, not so pretty, and awkward.

I grabbed tweezers to fix my face, but there was no point. In the dream I remember feeling that I was not supposed to have this face.

My guy was actually wanting to talk to me, but my insecurity and appearance created to big of a barrier, yet I knew we were soul-mates.

I went down to the first floor and the house turned into a dark blue tri-level generic house, in the suburbs. The grass was deep green, on a corner. The front of the house faced east, and in my dream the sun was just about to set, very beautiful.

I went out into the back, saw an animal that was like a large rat run off, and it turned into a ghost like figure. There was a group of these things. They were 20 feet tall, a large ghost head and octopus like legs, but only three legs. Every once in awhile, they would peer into a window and try to attack! These monsters were stark white.

i asked other people about them and they were known to be invasive creatures that needed to be destroyed. They were invading and there was a war on to eliminate them. Because they could not open doors or break glass, as long as you kept everything secured, they would hover outside.

So then I sent my sons to a neighbor's house to stay the night, but as I followed them outside to meet their friends, I realized that these were not my sons but the sons of the man whom I'd met at the mansion. I was responsible for them and he would be coming home soon.

Then in my dream the mom of my soulmate drove me to a campus to finish an exam. The roads were actually stacked on top of each other to get onto this campus, and people would get trapped if they took the wrong entrance. That is exactly what had happened. It was like a large fun house, everything was distorted. I had to finish my exam, so somehow I made it but had to get back to the blue tri-level house in my own.

I was covered in dirt when I arrived, but the house was no longer the tri-level house, it was the beautiful mansion.

Grandpa asked me to stay to play cards. He was the grandfather of the two boys who I thought were my sons. So I agreed. I started to freshen up and looked in the mirror, my face was normal again. My guy was walking up the hall to see me and he said that it was always me. He said he loved me. Then he walked away. I could not stop crying.

As his mother drove me away, he watched from his glass tower under the night sky. I could see a movie being projected on the wall and a room full of beautiful models, and I was still crying.

That was it. Then I started to wake up and it was 7pm.

Seems like such a juvenile dream, but I can see the images from each moment of the dream as I am am typing.

I see his handsome face and weirdly I feel like maybe I missed a real love in my life. He is out there somewhere.

The love seemed so real.

the end.....

NCCN Guideline Book For Patients, Ovarian Cancer

publication: NCCN Guidelines for Patients® | Ovarian Cancer

Thank you Sandy from Inspire.

This resource is an invaluable guide to help anyone navigate maze of ovarian cancer.

I am getting ready to begin a new chemotherapy next week.  To be honest, I am a little nervous about starting Avastin, but I have faith in God and my team.  I am going to do all that I can to prepare for side effects and stay positive.

Love,
Denise

Healing By Creating, What Dahlias and Bees Can Bring

Creating is essential to living, and we know this as truth. It is amazing how effective a breath of fresh air can be to lift our spirits, just enough, to move forward towards a better moment in time.

My yard comes in the form of a small apartment patio and I am so blessed to have  access to this area without worry of drowning a tenant underneath during watering times. The glass door provides the perfect view. This is not a lot of work, which is perfect for me right now as I am so tired all the time.

This little patio garden was started as a result of one of my mom's neighbors kindly offering her and I some dahlia tubers or bulbs. She was so enthusiastic and literally glowing when describing her experiences with the beautiful flowers, there was no way to refuse. Last summer she had given my mom several bundles of gorgeous blooms, and mom was thrilled.

Mom's neighbor said that her mom has a significant man in her life who is a dahlia expert and that he had over 180 varieties himself. I was fascinated. The fun with dahlias is that you get a spectacular surprise with each tuber. So I planted some for me in little pots and some for mom in the front of her house. Yay.

Now I cannot profess to have a green thumb, actually ever. I am gambling a bit here with this project. Since I have never owned a home, I have never really involved myself in gardening, but the time is now.

It has been a refreshing and cleansing process to begin the growth of a few choice flowers and vegetables. It has not cost too much money and the rewards are yet to be measured. I have no doubts that this project will help me spiritually, emotionally and physically.  Health in spirit promotes health in body.

Back when I was living with my mom, during my first round with ovarian cancer, I loved to hand water her lawn. Ahh the sweet perfume of grass and fresh water. The sound of the droplets spraying onto the lawn, birds chirping and people off in the distance doing whatever they are doing is so relaxing.  Love it. I am not a fan of pulling weeds, but otherwise, anything that helps to keep things looking pretty, I want to do.

Mom has the most fragrant lavender too, and watching the bees as they circle in and out of the flowers during their dance makes me feel really happy. When I walk up to mom's front porch I always run my hand over the lavender and inhale the sweet smell on my palms.

I have planted chinese cabbage, a tomato plant, bagonias, fuschia, impatiens, hydrangaa and dahlias. I also have smaller pots of rosemary, lavender, dill and lemon grass.

Just tonight I pulled a few sprigs of lemon grass and dill to add to my cod, for a healthy and delicious dinner. Yum.

Here is a link to a video that I made of the bees with the lavender:

I hope that this post has lifted you up and that you enjoy the days to come.  I have a new chemo treatment plan coming in the next week or so.  Another new adventure in cancerland.

Creating increases energy, it's just part of nature.  I feel so blessed to be able to create on any scale, but to have my little patio garden, wow, what a joy.

Love you all and God Bless.

Denise