Lynparza On Hold Again, Sigh

​Hello friends.  My lynparza is on hold again, as of March 7th, because of a low ANC (.3).  Not doing any gsf as of now and will get labs drawn next Tuesday.  Pain still there, my little cross.

I went to confession last night and felt great Joy.  It’s lent, my favorite liturgical season. Today, in contrast, I experienced a few struggles with my environment and work.  Sometimes I just need to be away from people, not a good reflection of my spiritual state, but I have confidence that much of my struggle rests in neurological triggers not yet subdued. 

Whether it’s a noxious smell, rushing or fears of job loss, there is a need for me to complete the upcoming EMDR treatments.  I really want to be alone when I have anxiety (others would pry like me to do that as well… ha). I am praying the EMDR treatments will improve my quality of life.  I have so much to be gateful for and need to remember our struggles can bring grace.

The current inability to stabilize my cancer brings back bad memories of when the radiologist missed the increased cancer activity on my CT scan (Jan 2021).  There is still some “what if” questioning that appears out of nowhere. The only way I can have peace with those medical mishaps is through Christ, but to achieve THAT I need quiet time. I long for a silent retreat. 

Lots of ups and downs.  Thank you for listening to my rambles.  It helps to write it out.  We can’t control what is tossed in our direction.  We can make good choices but sometimes we’re simply overwhelmed.  We react instead of choose.

God is an all loving God who forgives in abundance.  People…. not so much.  Ha.  The lenten lesson that resonates with me this week is “only see Jesus”.  It was hard to do that today. Tomorrow is new. God Bless you.

Thanks, love Denise ❤️