CDC Symptom Diary Card

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Thanksgiving With Mom

As I turned the corner around the edge of the market, I was shocked into real time with the overwhelmingly refreshing scent of pine today.  Just earlier my kitty cat looked somberly at me while I tried to eat cereal (sore throat) and I had to go get her some food.  I was so tired.  I brushed my teeth, threw on a coat and braved the Seattle windstorm to cross the parking lot for the store.

I was in a daze, feeling bad  and sluggish from having slept for 15 hours straight. I had intended to go visit mom today, but that was just not in the cards for me today.  It was better for me to stay away and not get my mom sick or anyone else sick.

I exited my building via a stairwell that opens directly onto a little shopping mall and almost walked straight into a giant silver star Christmas decoration.  I shook my head because I literally forgot that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner.  Fuzzy and feeling cold, walking with my head down, I dragged myself across the parking lot.  I was shocked again when I saw all the Christmas trees in front of the store.

It was sort of surreal because a few hours earlier a loud boom of thunder literally blasted me out of bed.  I had been sleeping like a rock.  Scared the be-jeebers out of me.  My sense of time is just "off".  I was not expecting trees, but am so glad they were there.  I had to stop for a moment and inhale the fresh scent and start imagining good times to come.  All I could think about was that I wanted to take a tree to mom's house.

Time is moving too fast.  I had wanted to savor this holiday season.  A little music here, a  "Halllmark" movie there, a new memory every day.  It's gonna go fast, I can tell.

Mom is slowly recovering from this last episode.  Inch by inch, minute by minute, drop by drop she clings to hope that she can return to the life she has enjoyed.  My sweet sister has lost so much time with her own family, but we are making it.  Together we are helping each other to help our mom reclaim her life.

Mom is so darn "lucky". I told her she had an angel.  She laughed and said  "not forever".  We literally almost lost her a few weeks ago.  It takes a lot of work to live, we find this out every day.  All the hustle and bustle, going here and going there, for what?  Each tender moment of happiness I relish right now.  I have lost my sense of time,  have no desire for mindless and irrelevant activities.

The photo above gives me comfort.  This is the mom I remember more than anything, sitting at the kitchen counter.  Upon this spot she would talk, write, sketch, paint, cook and raise us.  This was her home within the home.  It was just the best place in our house.  We could sit on the bar stools and look into the kitchen and talk with mom while she was doing whatever she was doing.  She liked to lean onto the counter and peek out into the living room. Sometimes I did my homework there and she would watch me.

This spot is where she had her quiet time, her reading time, her resting time.

The look on her face is a mixture of content and ever so slight irritation.  She does not like having her picture taken, ha.  I can't tell ya how many times she has hollered for me to 'put the camera away".  Makes me laugh.  She is so pretty..........

In two days we will be celebrating a day of Thanks, and it will not be the usual holiday for us.  Thanksgiving is mom's favorite holiday.  She loves it so much.  She used to throw one heck of a holiday bash I tell ya.

We had dozens of people over, she would make breads and stuffing and roast a fabulous turkey.  Relatives would bring over everything else.  Mom would even slow cook a pot roast, our mom's mom's favorite meal.

Us kids would play and laugh and have fun with the relatives.  I used to love to sit in the corner and just listen to the chatter. That is still one of my favorite things to do, listen to other people having fun.  Mom likes to do that too.

If you are celebrating a Thanksgiving with lot's of family and friends, not to tell ya what to do, but relish this time.  Savor it with all your heart because those moments may not come again.

We don't have those kinds of Thanksgivings anymore.   We are grown up, people live in different states and cities, and it's just not the same.  My thanks is that mom is here!

I am most grateful and give thanks to God for the gift of life, the LIFE of all those whom I love, my family and friends, and those who have been there all this time to help in a time of need.  I pray for those who are suffering, who have no home, no family, no person with whom to celebrate this holiday.  For maybe our celebration is different, but that is no loss.  For we have each other, we have shelter, we have food.  We are Blessed.

May you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Day.



  1. Denise, sending {{{hugs}}} to you and your family, and hope your Mom is doing better! This was a beautiful ode to your mother and to what is truly important. You said it best: " All the hustle and bustle, going here and going there, for what? Each tender moment of happiness I relish right now. I have lost my sense of time, have no desire for mindless and irrelevant activities."

    Amen, sistah!

  2. Hello Renn,

    Thank you for your sweet comment. We had an amazing day, just so beautiful. It was the best day ever.

    I posted a link to your profile page on my site too. I wish you the best in your recovery and journey with cancer.....



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