Last night I had a nightmare. One of my old managers from the 1990's was in my dream and in the dream I was crying because I was being harassed.
It was so strange. I was in a library that looked like a giant shopping mall. I kept running from section to section because I was being chased by her, literally being forced to move because I wasn't "allowed" to educate myself. I was forbidden to read or research information about my condition. I guess I was trying to find out more information about a situation I was in, and she didn't want me to know my rights.
It was like a game of hide and seek. She would find me and make me leave the area and I would sneak back in and be caught again. This happened over and over and over and over.
When I'm on chemo my dreams are always very colorful and detailed and full of strong messages. I always remember them in some way and often will continue the dream the next night.
I'm literally remembering this dream as if it actually happened.
I feel like it sums up a lot of life experiences for myself and so many others. We get bullied all throughout our lives on different levels. As kids, it's the bully who makes fun of you. As you age, it turns into an awkward work situation or fellow parent on the school board or landlord from hell.
We never really know though how significant these instances are until later in life. I've had slumlords make my life very difficult and complicated. I remember clearly the gal in school who gave me a hard time, changed me forever.
As a patient, I remember a few health professionals who could use a lesson in decency.
Maybe my dream was a summation of all those experiences of when I could have either stood up for myself or researched something just a little more and gave myself more protection. I didn't though, and when I did stand up, I always chose what seemed to be the "wrong" fight.
Now I am much much much better at choosing my battles. I am more careful not to poke the wrong bear. I still make mistakes, but I make them less often.
All else is forgiven and tomorrow there will be a new battle. Maybe I just needed a dream to collectively gather all of those moments in time into one event and just let it go.
Cancer is enough for now.
On a different note, I came across a list of possible medications to treat OC and thought it would be good to re-issue it, thank you WebMD.
I know I saw this several years ago, but was too overwhelmed to really consider anything other than what was recommended by my fabulous gyn-onc, Dr. G. I know I have been given the best chemo options considering my overall medical health. I really trust my doctor.
For those of you who are new to ovarian cancer, this list may be useful just so that you are aware of all the options.
My recurrence is turning out to last longer than I had hoped, as my new Lipodox treatment plan continues into November. I don't qualify for any trials because my medical condition is too complicated with having rheumatoid arthritis (RA). RA is an auto-immune disease that effects multiple systems in the body, not just the joints.
I feel fortunate that I have the Lipodox option and that SCCA http://www.seattlecca.org/ was able to obtain this important medication. The Doxil crisis sadly left many people without critical treatment. I AM so blessed.
Love you ................
Considering taking medication to treat Ovarian Carcinoma? Below is a list of common medications used to treat or reduce the symptoms of Ovarian Carcinoma. Follow the links to read common uses, side effects, dosage details and read user reviews for the drugs listed below.
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