This morning every joint in my body hurts. It hurt to slice a banana. I could barely get out of bed. My hands and ankles are swollen, my neck hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my right hip hurts.
I wonder about anger and it's relationship to disease. I got so angry yesterday. Plus, I spent more time than usual on the computer trying to find photos for facebook, which may be why my shoulders and shoulder blades and hands hurt. I have no idea. All I do know is that stress is bad for arthritis and it's very bad for cancer.
I am really flaring and everything hurts. I called the rheumatology clinic to see if they can see me earlier than October (geez). A nurse is scheduled to call me back, I'll hope for the best.
I can't deal with this kind of pain all over, I just can't. I don't want to spend the rest of my days in so much pain that I can't wring out a wash cloth to wash my face. I want to get outside, walk, do yoga, get stronger.
I want my cancer recovery to be full of excitement and happiness, not arthritic pain. I hope we can tame this soon. I just have to be hopeful.
I also need to get back to church every week. I haven't been able to go regularly. I miss God's spiritual nurturing. I have been afraid of getting sick in church, so I haven't gone. Going to church helps me have more patience, helps me to tame anger.
My body cannot afford for me to have angry emotions. I need happy emotions. I need those endorphins.
Well, that's all for today. Surgery tomorrow. Should go well. Thanks for reading.
I go by #Servivorgirl. Celebrating almost 14 years since diagnosis of stage IIIC ovarian cancer, recently restaged to IVB. My blog is called Nobody Has Ovarian Cancer because I felt like a nobody upon the eventual correct diagnosis. Being told multiple times that I was too young to have ovarian cancer, I did not receive the proper testing. I am so grateful to Him for all those who allow me to share my love, to those who love me and those who treat my illness. I praise Him always.
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