CDC Symptom Diary Card

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Thanksgiving With Mom


As I turned the corner around the edge of the market, I was shocked into real time with the overwhelmingly refreshing scent of pine today.  Just earlier my kitty cat looked somberly at me while I tried to eat cereal (sore throat) and I had to go get her some food.  I was so tired.  I brushed my teeth, threw on a coat and braved the Seattle windstorm to cross the parking lot for the store.

I was in a daze, feeling bad  and sluggish from having slept for 15 hours straight. I had intended to go visit mom today, but that was just not in the cards for me today.  It was better for me to stay away and not get my mom sick or anyone else sick.

I exited my building via a stairwell that opens directly onto a little shopping mall and almost walked straight into a giant silver star Christmas decoration.  I shook my head because I literally forgot that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner.  Fuzzy and feeling cold, walking with my head down, I dragged myself across the parking lot.  I was shocked again when I saw all the Christmas trees in front of the store.

It was sort of surreal because a few hours earlier a loud boom of thunder literally blasted me out of bed.  I had been sleeping like a rock.  Scared the be-jeebers out of me.  My sense of time is just "off".  I was not expecting trees, but am so glad they were there.  I had to stop for a moment and inhale the fresh scent and start imagining good times to come.  All I could think about was that I wanted to take a tree to mom's house.

Time is moving too fast.  I had wanted to savor this holiday season.  A little music here, a  "Halllmark" movie there, a new memory every day.  It's gonna go fast, I can tell.

Mom is slowly recovering from this last episode.  Inch by inch, minute by minute, drop by drop she clings to hope that she can return to the life she has enjoyed.  My sweet sister has lost so much time with her own family, but we are making it.  Together we are helping each other to help our mom reclaim her life.

Mom is so darn "lucky". I told her she had an angel.  She laughed and said  "not forever".  We literally almost lost her a few weeks ago.  It takes a lot of work to live, we find this out every day.  All the hustle and bustle, going here and going there, for what?  Each tender moment of happiness I relish right now.  I have lost my sense of time,  have no desire for mindless and irrelevant activities.

The photo above gives me comfort.  This is the mom I remember more than anything, sitting at the kitchen counter.  Upon this spot she would talk, write, sketch, paint, cook and raise us.  This was her home within the home.  It was just the best place in our house.  We could sit on the bar stools and look into the kitchen and talk with mom while she was doing whatever she was doing.  She liked to lean onto the counter and peek out into the living room. Sometimes I did my homework there and she would watch me.

This spot is where she had her quiet time, her reading time, her resting time.

The look on her face is a mixture of content and ever so slight irritation.  She does not like having her picture taken, ha.  I can't tell ya how many times she has hollered for me to 'put the camera away".  Makes me laugh.  She is so pretty..........

In two days we will be celebrating a day of Thanks, and it will not be the usual holiday for us.  Thanksgiving is mom's favorite holiday.  She loves it so much.  She used to throw one heck of a holiday bash I tell ya.

We had dozens of people over, she would make breads and stuffing and roast a fabulous turkey.  Relatives would bring over everything else.  Mom would even slow cook a pot roast, our mom's mom's favorite meal.

Us kids would play and laugh and have fun with the relatives.  I used to love to sit in the corner and just listen to the chatter. That is still one of my favorite things to do, listen to other people having fun.  Mom likes to do that too.

If you are celebrating a Thanksgiving with lot's of family and friends, not to tell ya what to do, but relish this time.  Savor it with all your heart because those moments may not come again.

We don't have those kinds of Thanksgivings anymore.   We are grown up, people live in different states and cities, and it's just not the same.  My thanks is that mom is here!

I am most grateful and give thanks to God for the gift of life, the LIFE of all those whom I love, my family and friends, and those who have been there all this time to help in a time of need.  I pray for those who are suffering, who have no home, no family, no person with whom to celebrate this holiday.  For maybe our celebration is different, but that is no loss.  For we have each other, we have shelter, we have food.  We are Blessed.

May you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Day.

Love,
Denise




Friday, November 16, 2012

Auction with Drs Goff and Muntz Dec 01, 2012 for Ovarian Cancer in Seattle Washington



Ovarian Cancer Awareness - Dinner & Auction



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Welcome to the Ovarian & Breast Cancer Alliance Auction Website!


Please join us!
 
Ovarian Cancer Awareness Dinner & Auction
 
  Saturday, December 1, 2012, 5:00 PM
    The UW Center for Urban Horticulture
3501 NE 41st Street, Seattle, WA 98195
$75 per person
 
Two Steps to Register:
   
Step 1:  Click on "Sign In" above and scroll down to "Create New Record" to fill in your information. 
 
 
  
Step 2:  Click here to Register  
 
We look forward to seeing you on December 1st!
 
To reach us:  CONTACT


www.knowthesymptoms.org

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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

"One Tough Cookie"

As my mom lay there after her heart surgery, I told her that I had a new nick name for her, "One Tough cookie".  She says, "oh ya?  I like that one".  She then smiled and closed her eyes.

It has been a heck of a week.  Our family is deeply concerned for mom as she is in hospital, from a heart attack and complications from diabetes and kidney disease, among other things.  I had called her home one evening, no answer. I waited and called again, no answer.  I went over and heard her sort of talking and she did not respond to the knock on the door.  I went in and found her in need of urgent care.  This was so scary and I thank God for the whispers telling me to call her.

I was coming back from Gig Harbor after a visit with my friend Joe.  He invited me up for a daytime retreat, to honor Heidi, his sweet beloved Heidi.  He was so generous.  He took me on a nice kayak ride in the cove and a short little hike on Heidi's trail.  We talked about cancer, life, suffering and God.  It was a Sunday.  The previous day I was able to attend mass, and I was feeling so grateful for life, the breath of air, the ability to exist.

As I approached the Seattle area, and the exit to take to mom's house, I felt a strong pull to call her house.  I knew something was up, but not what.  I exited I-5, and called her.  I got lost, of course, and eventually found my way to her neighborhood.  I called again before knocking on the door, because it was already dark and did not want to scare her.  I was hoping that she would call out to me "is that you?"

No call out to me.  My mom has been through so much, it's just indescribable how much work she puts into living each day.  Every task requires an extensive amount of energy and dedication, and she does it.  She fights her way through each necessary task. She so wants to be free from all this suffering.

She has such an amazing core group of medical professionals, she really does.  When she is in the hospital though, because she has such a complicated body, someone from the family needs to be there.  My sister and I rotate shifts.

I had my chemo yesterday and cannot go today or tonight.  My sister has a family of her own.  Mom's family loves her so much, but there aren't enough of us here when these things happen.  My sister and I need to take care of ourselves too, so that we can do what is needed.

Mom has had such an amazing attitude, offering smiles and little laughs as she copes with the cascading consequences of this ordeal.  Her doctors are working to resolve all the issues so that she can get stabilized. She misses her home, her window to the neighborhood, her neighbors.

We spent election night together, in ICU.  I smiled and told her Obama won, and she said, "That's the right thing, good, good, good."

So now I am praying as much as possible for her recovery and for the well being of my sister.  For our loving neighbor who is helping with the house.  Mom has the best neighbors in the world.  She really does.

I will now get back to resting, per the strong recommendation from my sister.  I just wanted to share with you that we love our mom and hope that her courage and desire for life inspires you to keep on living a life of love.  Offer to your neighbor a strong smile, and you will receive the same.

Love,
Denise

PS.  My tumor markers are slowly improving, yay.  I am so fortunate that I will also receive an extra dose of IV emend later this week to address the extreme abdominal pain and nausea.  Last time I was totally incapacitated a week out from chemo, and had hellish nightmares.  Do not want a repeat of that, need to be there for mom and keep working too.  Love you.