Teal is on the horizon, wear teal on Sept 2, 2011

http://www.unitedstatesofteal.org/take-action/

Time	Friday, September 2 · 12:00am - 11:30pm
Location	Across the United States
Created By	Ovarian Cancer National Alliance
More Info	Teal is the color of ovarian cancer awareness. On the first Friday in September, our national ovarian cancer awareness month, we urge everyone who cares about this disease to wear teal--and tell others why you are dressed in this color. This year, we're adding a social media component to Wear Teal Day. Please post photos of yourself decked out in teal on Facebook, and tag the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance. We want to create an album of women and men in teal from coast to coast.

chemo brain creates headache at work

As you may know, I have memory problems and get rattled with too much info too fast.  I have a job that does not provide me printed references because I work in a completely virtual world.  I am working with the assistance of DVR and a community neuro rehab therapist to help me retain my job and assist with accommodation requests.

My employer is aware that I have some cognitive challenges.  Well, I made a mistke tonight, didn't realize the gravity of the mistake and that it was such a big mistake. I am so upset.  I just can't remember everything and they don't give me enough time to re-read policies.  I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

For $12 per hour. 

It's a golden job opportunity with a great company, but I can't do well because I can't keep up with all the restrictions and limits associated with not being allowed to have printed material in my work from 

home setting.

Just feeling zinged.  I am trying so so hard to be a good employee.  I feel demeaned and stupid.

How can anyone memorize hundreds of pages of policies?  And I can't navigate the computer quickly enough on my small screen.  I am requesting a larger monitor so I can have multiple windows open, so that I can keep the policy references up and ready to access.  Seems logical right?

Just frustrated.  I still have a 7mm stable tumor on my liver.  Great to think I'll spend the rest of my life in low paying jobs constantly getting in trouble because I have a bad memory.  Fine.

Sorry, all I can think about is that I'm going to get fired now.

Great, just what I need.

Love All Life

Yesterday I was showered with grief over a crow that was dying in the street.  I was on my way to the pain clinic when I noticed a crowd of crows squawking and flapping their wings.  Inside this circle of black birds was a suffering, bleeding crow, flapping around, moaning with agony.  I pulled over, grabbed a towel from my trunk and gently scooped up the poor little soul to carefully rest him on the grass.  I said a little prayer and started to cry.

I looked into it's eyes and I could see it begging me to help him, and I could do nothing. He was almost gone. The other birds all gathered up along the telephone wire, continued their songs of fear and desperation, to help their friend.  It appeared that a car may have clipped this little guys wings, and rendered it to pass along with God.  I don't know.  It was just overwhelming.  

I suppose I should have called someone to take the bird away, but really I was too upset to do anything other than ponder how quickly life changes, zap, in an instant it's gone.

Like the poor people at the Sugarland concert in Indiana, suddenly, no warning, they passed to a new level of existence.  Just so tragic.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my new job is to assist people with their emotions related to upsets over "stuff" missing, late, lost, etc.  Help them solve the problem  so they can do the important things in life.  I am so appreciative of my job, I just don't understand though why people put so much stock in stuff.

Why get so upset over stuff?  It's stuff.  It's not alive, it has no soul. Save your anger to defend the homeless man who is beaten to death.  Save your frustration to fight hunger.  Save your angst to give energy to help your neighbor.  Just a thought.

Below are a few articles on some new and non-traditional medical interventions to treat cancer.  

The article about a chemo bath is quite intriguing, and I wish I'd received a chemo bath when I was receiving my debulking surgery.  I remember distinctly speaking with a dear friend about this very thing, not knowing that the treatment was being studied. I said "why didn't they just spray a bunch of chemo inside my abdominal cavity while I was in surgery"?  I mean, seriously!

I was already going to be in severe pain. Oh well.  It just goes to show you how important it is for us patients to do research before surgery, if at all possible.  Patient be aware!  

http://www.10news.com/news/28853209/detail.html

http://edmonton.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20110817/EDM_cancer_110817/20110817/?hub=EdmontonHome

I know my post is kind of all over the place, but I had to talk about the poor little crow.  When you look deeply into any animals eyes, you see "them" their spirit.  Love all life!

Peace and Blessings

Denise

30 Years Ago: The Day the Middle Class Died | Common Dreams

30 Years Ago: The Day the Middle Class Died | Common Dreams

Take your life back. If the healthcare reform platform fails, we all will greatly suffer. Think seriously about this. I saw on CNN today that there has been a 70% increase in food stamps in the past 7-8 years!!!! Our country is not going to get better if hardcore republicans take back the White House. They want to take away the last remnants of any programs and policies that help the average person live a happy and plentiful life, meaning, the basics.

For those of us who have or are currently facing cancer treatment and/or managing side effects of our surgeries and treatments, disaster looms.

Every person deserves to live a decent life, around the world. We are going backwards!

Please think about this when you start to ponder your election choices. I am defending the President, and will vote to keep him in office. He needs to retain his leadership position, to remain an advocate who understands that we all deserve equal access to healthcare that is affordable.

I know the healthcare reform legislation is not perfect, but it is a starting point. Personally I would have preferred a single payer system, nationally available to all people who live in the United States. I just don't believe in "for profit" health care, but that's just me.

Protect your right to healthcare. Protect the rights of your children, their children, their children's children.

The Uber-wealthy can contribute more, and they should. N'uff said.

Peace

Update post chemoville

This is me before chemo in October 2009. Since then I've been bald and have grown

 super curly grey locks.  To color or not to color......still deciding.

I am finally scheduled to meet with the pain clinic next week to help me manage the never ending abdominal pain.  This pain has become much more evident as I've started working from home.  It hurts to force sitting for extended periods. I don't have as much flexibility with my WFH job as I'd hoped, and will just have to do the best I can.  I have a golden opportunity if I can just hang on and keep up with the rest of the group.

The good news is that I may get some help paying for some ergo designed keyboard, monitor and may set up space so that I can stand and work when needed.  

We'll see, so much effort to earn less than I earned in 2006.  Oh well, what can I do, I'm so lucky to have this new job.  Have to do what it takes.  I just hope I remember things....yikes!

It hurts to sit for a long time and wear a bra or anything crossing across my waist.  I find myself wearing little sundresses a lot, thank goodness it's warm.  But this cannot continue.  There's no way I could show up for an office meeting in a moo moo, or whatever.

I'm just so tired, catching  up on paperwork and calls to doctors that I missed over the past three weeks.  I need to reschedule a mammogram for my BRCA1 mut+ follow up.  And, my mom has been warrior woman battling the woes of dialysis.  Any advice???

Last week my sister took her, this week I take her.  It's like a part time job for mom and very stressful, long days.  Somehow I believe God will give us all the strength to get through.  She has been through the wringer.

Now that I have a part time job, I can focus on increasing my life's stability, and be more valuable to others.

Cancer greatly reduced my "market value' in terms of being a regular employee, but it has increased my community value, which is where I need to focus my energy. My priest even told me to use my cancer to help others with cancer. I must stay on this track, that is where I provide the best value.

Once I'm a little more stable, I'd like to create a non-profit that fills a niche area of need within the ovarian cancer community.  I know I can be successful, once I determine the needs and my best skills and resources.  Now is the time, now is the moment.

Pressure is on to move into my own residence, which I hope works out to be sustainable.  After 9 months of trial work period, I will probably stop receiving my benefits, and I'll be back to square one in terms of low income again.  So I'll need to plan a way to prevent problems there.....so much to consider.

My job is time-intensive, lots of pressure. It's like running everywhere, never walking.  I'm not sure I can hold up.........Lord help me stay afloat and not get demerits..........please. Seriously, I hope I make it.

I don't know what is going to happen in the near future, so my goal is just to keep my job, help my mom, be there for God and family, go on a few dates with "J" and stay positive.

I am so lucky to be breathing........Thank you God.

Peace and Blessings to all